Let’s be very clear — you cannot make anyone do anything. You can influence them at best. Making someone do something is giving dictator, Cersei Lannister style.
So, steer clear of manipulation and set your sails for nurturing genuine connection.
Key Takeaways
- Embrace your independence and pursue your passions to become even more alluring.
- Focus on creating meaningful memories and experiences during your time together.
- Spark curiosity and leave a little mystery to keep him guessing.
- Give him space and allow the natural feeling of missing you to blossom.
- Avoid manipulative games and focus on building a genuine connection.
1. Focus on Personal Growth and Independence
The foundation of our elixir begins with the leaven of personal growth and independence.
Focus on cultivating hobbies and interests. Immerse yourself in your passions, whether they involve RPG video games, motivational books, painting watercolor birds, or dancing around a fire.
Grow through new challenges and continuous learning. Master quantum physics if you want to. The sky’s the limit!
Take inspiration from Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. Though she initially joined Harvard to win back her ex, she discovered the power of pursuing her own development and becoming independent in her thinking and ambitions.
Not only did she become her own hero, but she also outgrew the need for his validation. By the time her ex wanted her back, she had already moved on, realizing she didn’t need him to complete her happiness.
So, stand tall in your beliefs, know who you are, be the captain of your ship, and make your happiness a self-made masterpiece.
Independence breeds confidence and confidence is irresistible.
Another essential ingredient for Longing Elixir is creating positive shared experiences.
Studies from UC Berkeley show that shared fun releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which boosts bonding and trust.
Dr. Ruth Feldman’s research, published in the journal Hormones and Behavior, highlights that oxytocin plays a crucial role in social affiliation and attachment in humans. The study found that engaging in enjoyable activities with others can increase oxytocin levels, fostering feelings of trust, empathy, and emotional connection.[1]
By planning meaningful and fun experiences, you’re not just making memories — you’re enhancing your natural chemistry. And where there’s chemistry, there’s longing.
Whether it’s a spontaneous trip to a food truck festival, a sushi-making class, or a pub quiz night, creating positive shared experiences will leave him wanting more.
3. Focus on Quality Time, not Quantity
To conjure some real cannot-live-without-you magic, your Longing Elixir needs some quality time to age in peace like a bottle of fine Bordeaux.
The point is to make the most of your time together, not spend most of your time together.
A study from the Journal of Communication found that long-distance couples often have more meaningful interactions than those who see each other daily. Because they have to put more effort into communication, these couples tend to share more deeply and feel closer emotionally.[2]
Now, I am not encouraging you to move across the globe just to enhance the quality of your interactions. A long-distance relationship comes with its own set of disadvantages. What I am getting at is making sure that your interactions are meaningful, memorable, and intentional.
There’s a difference between bingeing the next new series on Netflix just because it’s out and committing to the full Lord of the Rings director’s cut marathon dressed as your favorite character (Arwen, obviously).
Even though halfway through you begin to question your life choices, you are doing this for character building, and the one who taps out first foots the bill for every meal out until month-end. And at this point, it’s not about money anymore; it’s a matter of honor!!
So, yeah, like I said, be present and engaged during interactions.
4. Communicate Openly and Authentically
Open, authentic communication is another component of the Longing Elixir that will keep your guy thinking about you even when you’re not around.
Why do you think Ursula took Ariel’s voice in The Little Mermaid?
Because having a voice isn’t just about speaking; it’s about expressing your true self. Ursula knew that robbing Ariel of her voice meant stealing her power to express her authentic self.
When you start geeking out about something, you are very passionate about it, which makes you unique and unforgettable.
For example, when you talk about how Jurassic Park perfectly illustrates the man vs. nature struggle in which nature will inevitably win because not only is the human part of nature, but life finds a way...
You being unapologetically you, with your views, feelings, and those little brain farts like why is fridge spelled with a d and refrigerator without (can anyone explain that to me!?). It is what builds an emotional bridge that keeps him connected to you, even from a distance.
So, say the weird thing because your vibe attracts your tribe.
5. Use Absence Strategically
A dash of mystery will add anticipation and excitement to your elixir.
Take a “me day” every now and then. These little breaks will allow his feelings to grow, and soon enough, he’ll be craving your presence like air.
But tread carefully! Nobody wants to be with someone who is too busy to find time for a date for an entire week.
Overdo this vanishing act, and you might end up suffocating your little love flame like an overenthusiastic vicar swinging an incense thurible.
So, keep your disappearances as natural as a hiccup and as rare as a solar eclipse.
The trick is to reappear with all your dazzling charm, ready to enchant him all over again.
6. Show Affection and Appreciation
Stir in affection and appreciation to your brew as you go along.
Compliments function like real-life magic spells.
Research shows we like people who show they like us. This positive loop boosts self-esteem and makes interactions enjoyable.
For instance, research published in Human Relations found that perceived liking from others significantly boosts our liking towards them. This effect is more pronounced when the liking feels unique and special rather than general and indiscriminate.[3]
Show him you care with small gestures: Share a song that reminds you of him, send funny memes, sneak a sweet (funny, NSFW) sticky note into his wallet, or gift him a thrifted book you love.
These micro love gestures will make him miss you and want to be around you even more.
7. Create a Sense of Anticipation and Curiosity
Other key ingredients for the Longing Elixir are anticipation and curiosity.
While it’s crucial to be open about your thoughts, feelings, and core values, you can still exercise your taste for mystery by teasing him with hints of upcoming plans or surprises.
Give him something to look forward to. Drop small, intriguing hints without giving away the details to keep his curiosity piqued. A simple “I’ve got something unusual planned for Saturday” can create enough excitement to keep him on his toes.
So, channel your inner Wednesday Addams — be playfully (hauntingly?) enigmatic about the little things while staying (dreadfully) honest about important matters. This balance keeps the relationship grounded yet thrilling.
Just avoid being overly secretive or withholding, which can undermine the sense of stability and connection.
Creating a sense of anticipation can make the time you spend together feel more exciting and memorable, turning everyday moments into an adventure to look forward to.
8. Be Confident and Positive
Our potion is nearly ready. To really bring out those missing-like-crazy vibes, make sure you garnish your elixir with confidence and positivity.
Confidence reveals you as the most powerful sorceress of your realm, making him yearn for the magical adventures he’s missing out on. Positivity is the moonlight glow that pierces through his darkest nights, casting warmth and light that soothes his soul.
Together, they create an irresistible co*cktail that leaves him thirsty for more.
9. Leave Him Wanting More
The final ingredient in our potion is optional and reserved for those who like to practice the art of seduction. Even the eldest witches know that to make a guy miss someone, you need to leave him wanting more.
Try stopping texting when the convo is reaching its peak or cutting a date short when you’re having the most fun. This creates a memorable high point that he’ll replay in his mind, craving more of the same experience.
Take your time with subtle cues, like a bewitching smile or a playful touch, to leave a lasting impression. Remember, a little space can amplify desire, allowing the magic of your presence to grow even stronger in his thoughts.
Make him think of you when you’re not there, and make him want to experience those moments again.
As Esther Perel, known for her dating and relationship coaching says, “Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.”[4]
“Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.”
Does Absence Make a Man Miss You?
Anyone who’s ever been away from their loved ones knows for a fact that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
So, it’s comforting to know that science confirms what we already know empirically.
In a study published in EPJ Data Science, the authors found that “failure to interact leads inexorably to a decline in relationship quality... As a result, many social species compensate for weakened relationships by investing more heavily in them.”[5]
Basically, we are biologically wired to put in more effort when we’re not around each other all the time.
But before you go MIA on your love interest, remember there’s a sweet spot between not being too available and outright ghosting someone.
Plus, you need a solid foundation for the relationship in the first place. As the French moralist Francois de la Rochefoucauld writes in Maxims: “Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire.”[6]
Conclusion
Your potion is ready. Handle with care.
Although, at the end of the day, the most enchanting spell you can cast is being your amazing, confident self.
Feel free to spark curiosity by mixing mystery with authenticity. But don’t resort to trickery or manipulation. The real magic of genuine connection lies in quality time and personal development. Knowing who you are and what you stand for is what will make you irresistible.
Because in the quest for love, knowing your worth is the real treasure.
So go ahead, live your best life, and let the magic of missing you unfold.
Under the moon and stars so bright,
Be yourself a shining light.
Create memories, weave mystery,
Show your love, let him see.
No games, just show you care,
In his heart, you’ll be there.
Visit our page if you’re interested in learning more aboutstarting a relationship.
FAQs
How do I make him realize my absence?
Make him realize your absence by focusing on living your best life and pursuing your interests. Prioritize personal development, happiness, and self-improvement. When you are thriving and content, your absence will naturally become more noticeable. Remember, true connections are built on mutual respect and self-worth.
What makes a man miss you the most?
What makes a man miss you the most is creating special experiences that strengthen your connection. Focus on shared laughter, fun, and meaningful moments together. These positive memories will give him something to reflect on when you are apart, making your absence more impactful and cherished.
How do you make someone miss you without talking to them?
To make someone miss you without talking to them, focus on creating positive and memorable experiences together. Avoid using silence or withdrawal as tactics, as healthy relationships rely on open communication. Stay true to yourself, pursue your interests, and give them space to appreciate your presence naturally.
References
1. Feldman, R. (2012). Oxytocin and social affiliation in humans. Hormones and Behavior, 61(3), 380–391.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.yhbeh.2012.01.008
2. Jiang, L. C., Hanco*ck, J. T. (2013). Absence makes the communication grow fonder: Geographic separation, interpersonal media, and intimacy in dating relationships. Journal of Communication, 63(3), 556–577.
https://doi.org/10.1111/jcom.12029
3. Backman, C. W., & Secord, P. F. (1959). The effect of perceived liking on interpersonal attraction. Human Relations, 12(4), 379–384.
4. Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Reconciling the erotic and the domestic. Harper.
5. Bhattacharya, K., Ghosh, A., Monsivais, D., Dunbar, R., & Koski, K. (2017). Absence makes the heart grow fonder: Social compensation when failure to interact risks weakening a relationship. EPJ Data Science, 6(1).
https://doi.org/10.1140/epjds/s13688-016-0097-x
6. de la Rochefoucauld, F. (1982). Maxims. Penguin Classics.
Milena J. Wisniewska Milena might not be a relationship professor, but she's definitely been through it all, learned her lessons, and is here to spill the tea.She combines the wisdom of renowned relationship specialists with her own romantic adventures to offer relatable and practical advice. View all posts 
