12 Things That Destroy Marriages & Love (2024)

12 Things That Destroy Marriages & Love (1)

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Marriage, a blend of love and commitment, faces challenges that can undermine its stability. Effective communication, trust, and balancing individual and shared goals are crucial. When communication breaks down, misunderstandings and resentment can escalate, creating a divide.

Trust, extending beyond fidelity, is fundamental for a sense of security in the relationship. Additionally, respecting and integrating each other’s aspirations and needs is vital.

This article explores these core aspects, examining why marriages fail, the impact of infidelity, and the consequences of poor communication while identifying specific things that destroy marriage and offering insights for a resilient, fulfilling union.

Why do marriages fail?

Marriages can fail due to a combination of factors, such as lack of commitment, financial challenges, infidelity, poor communication, incompatibility, substance abuse, emotional neglect, unresolved past traumas, neglecting the partnership, power struggles, and sexual dissatisfaction.

These factors put a strain on the relationship and can lead to dissatisfaction and the breakdown of the marriage. It is important for couples to be aware of these potential issues and work together to address and overcome them in order to build a strong and lasting partnership.

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What role does infidelity play in destroying marriages?

Infidelity plays a critical role in destroying marriages by breaching the fundamental trust that is essential to the partnership.

When one partner is unfaithful, it undermines the foundation of mutual respect and loyalty that the marriage is built upon. This betrayal can lead to deep emotional pain, loss of trust, and a sense of betrayal for the other partner.

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Research shows that infidelity has far-reaching psychological consequences for both partners.

The resulting emotional damage is often profound and can be irreparable, leading to feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment. These intense emotions and the broken trust can make it challenging to rebuild the relationship, often leading to the dissolution of the marriage.

7 ways lack of communication impacts the marriage

Lack of effective communication can significantly impact a marriage in various negative ways. Here are some of them:

1. Increased misunderstandings

Misunderstandings are one of the key things that destroy marriage. They often stem from ineffective communication and can lead to partners misinterpreting each other’s words and intentions, especially during stressful situations or when discussing sensitive topics.

Studies show that without healthy communication between couples, misunderstanding, and doubts can engulf a relationship. These misunderstandings can escalate into significant conflicts, creating a persistent sense of frustration and resentment, which are factors in what destroys most marriages.

2. Emotional distance

A significant consequence of poor communication is the emotional distance it creates between partners, making it a critical thing that will ruin your marriage.

As communication deteriorates, spouses may start to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. This emotional disconnection can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding, making each partner feel isolated and alone, which is a major factor in things that kill a marriage.

3. Escalation of conflicts

Without effective communication, minor disagreements can quickly turn into major conflicts, which are one of the things that destroy marriage. Couples may find themselves arguing over trivial matters due to underlying communication failures, creating a hostile or uncomfortable home environment that strains the relationship.

4. Erosion of trust

Trust is built on open and honest communication, and its erosion is among the things that destroy a relationship. When communication is lacking, it can lead to suspicion and doubt, with each partner questioning the other’s sincerity and commitment, which undermines the foundation of the marriage.

5. Decreased problem-solving ability

The ability to resolve issues is crucial in a marriage, and a lack of effective communication hampers this, making it one of the things that destroy marriage. When problems go unresolved due to poor communication, it can lead to a buildup of issues, creating a sense of hopelessness and a feeling that concerns and needs are not being addressed.

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6. Reduced support and understanding

Understanding and supporting each other is essential in any successful marriage. Poor communication hinders a partner’s ability to understand and empathize with the other’s experiences and feelings, leaving each partner feeling alone and unsupported in the relationship.

7. Impact on physical and emotional intimacy

Communication is vital for connecting on a deeper emotional level, and its absence can significantly impact physical and emotional intimacy. This decline in intimacy is a key factor in what destroys most marriages, leading to a decrease in affectionate gestures and a lack of interest in sexual intimacy.

Effective communication is essential for maintaining a healthy, supportive, and fulfilling marriage. It allows partners to understand and empathize with each other, resolve conflicts, build trust, and maintain a close emotional connection.

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12 things that destroy marriages and bond between a couple

Marriages can fail for a variety of reasons, often involving complex and interrelated factors. Here are some key reasons why marriages may fail:

1. Lack of communication

Effective communication is vital in a marriage. When this breaks down, it becomes one of the significant things that destroy marriage. Couples unable to express their feelings, desires, or concerns may find themselves growing apart. Misunderstandings become frequent, and without resolution, they can lead to deep-seated resentment.

2. Infidelity

Infidelity is often cited as a primary reason for the failure of marriages. The betrayal of trust can be one of the devastating things that destroy marriages, shattering the emotional bond between partners. It not only breaks trust but also undermines the foundation of mutual respect and loyalty.

3. Financial stress

Disagreements over financial management or stress due to financial constraints are what destroys most marriages. Differences in spending habits, financial goals, or the burden of debt can create significant stress and conflict in a marriage.

4. Decline in intimacy

A decrease in both physical and emotional intimacy is one of the things that destroy marriage. Intimacy is key to maintaining a strong emotional connection, and its absence can lead to feelings of neglect and emotional disconnection.

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5. Growing incompatibility

Over time, couples may discover fundamental incompatibilities in their values, goals, or lifestyles. This realization can be a tough hurdle to overcome, potentially leading to dissatisfaction and the eventual breakdown of the marriage.

6. High conflict situations

Persistent conflict is a major marriage problem. When couples engage in frequent arguments without healthy resolution, it can lead to a toxic environment, fostering resentment and emotional detachment.

7. Lack of commitment

When commitment wanes, it’s a sign that top things that destroy a marriage are at play. Without a solid commitment to the relationship, efforts to maintain and nurture the marriage often fall by the wayside.

8. Substance abuse

Substance abuse significantly impacts marriages, leading to financial strain, neglect of responsibilities, and, in some cases, abuse. The consequences of substance abuse can be far-reaching, affecting every aspect of a marriage.

9. Mental health issues

Untreated mental health issues can strain a marriage, affecting communication, intimacy, and the overall dynamic of the relationship. It’s crucial for both partners to address and manage these issues effectively.

10. Unrealistic expectations

What things destroy a marriage? Often, it’s unrealistic expectations about married life. When the reality doesn’t match these expectations, it can lead to disappointment and disillusionment.

Watch this video to learn more about why we should expect less of love:

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11. Lack of equality and respect

Equality and mutual respect are pillars of a strong marriage. When these are absent, it can lead to one of the things that destroy marriage, creating an environment where one partner feels undervalued or disrespected.

12. External stressors

External pressures, such as job stress, health issues, or family dynamics, can add significant strain to a marriage. When not managed together, these stressors can exacerbate existing issues, contributing to the breakdown of the relationship.

Understanding the things that will ruin your marriage is key to recognizing and addressing the elements that can lead to marital discord. By being aware of these major marriage problems and what things destroy a marriage, couples can work proactively to fortify their relationship against these challenges.

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FAQs

Exploring the complexities of marital relationships reveals insights into their challenges and resilience. Here are brief answers to some common questions regarding marriage and its potential pitfalls:

  • Can marriages be saved after facing destructive elements?

Yes, marriages can often be saved after facing destructive elements, but it requires effort and commitment from both partners. Counseling, open communication, and a willingness to address underlying issues are crucial. Rebuilding trust and understanding each other’s needs can pave the way for reconciliation and a stronger relationship.

  • Are certain marriages doomed from the start?

While no marriage is doomed from the start, certain factors like deep-rooted incompatibilities, unresolved personal issues, or a lack of commitment can increase the likelihood of challenges. Marriages require mutual effort, respect, and adaptation to grow and sustain, and a deficiency in these areas can be problematic.

  • How common is divorce, and what are the main reasons?

Divorce rates vary globally, but they are relatively common. The main reasons include lack of communication, infidelity, financial stress, and incompatibility. These issues, if unaddressed, erode the marriage’s foundation, leading to a breakdown of the relationship.

  • Is marriage worth pursuing with the risk of failure?

Despite the risk of failure, many find marriage worth pursuing for the companionship, love, and support it offers. Understanding that marriage requires effort and facing challenges together can make it a fulfilling and enriching experience. The key is to enter it with realistic expectations and a commitment to mutual growth.

  • What are some factors that strengthen marriages?

Factors that strengthen marriages include effective communication, mutual respect, shared goals, emotional and physical intimacy, and the ability to resolve conflicts healthily. Additionally, maintaining individual identities while supporting each other’s growth contributes significantly to a strong and lasting marital bond.

Final thoughts

A successful and fulfilling marriage requires effort, commitment, and effective communication. Understanding the factors that can lead to the destruction of a marriage can help couples navigate challenges and work towards building a resilient and long-lasting relationship.

By addressing these issues early on and seeking professional help when necessary, couples can work towards preserving and strengthening their marriage1.

12 Things That Destroy Marriages & Love (2024)

FAQs

What is the #1 thing that destroys marriages? ›

#1: Dishonesty

While there are different kinds of dishonesty, it essentially amounts to the same thing – being unable to trust your partner with the truth. Dishonesty can be about finances, about your feelings, or just general dishonesty.

What is the number one thing that breaks up marriage? ›

Lack of commitment, financial challenges, and infidelity are some of the leading causes of divorce in the world. But your age and culture may change it all. Relationship survival usually requires a blend of open communication, intimacy, and empathy.

What are the three A's that ruin a marriage? ›

You can avoid a potential argument by taking a moment to think things through rather than pointing fingers. Addictions, affairs and excessive anger are relationships deal-breakers, according to marriage expert Susan Heitler.

What are the four habits that destroy marriages? ›

While there are many reasons that marriages fail, the presence of these characteristics, lack of intimacy and honestly, devaluing our relationships, and using power and control, are often destructive to our marriages.

What is the #1 cause for divorce? ›

Lack of Commitment Is the Most Common Reason for Divorce

Marriage is not always easy, so success requires both spouses to be dedicated to their union and serious about making it last. That's why it is not surprising that a lack of commitment could spell disaster for a couple.

What is the number one thing successful couples never do? ›

In one study, we were able to predict with 94% accuracy whether or not a relationship would last — after observing a couple for just 15 minutes. Ultimately, we've found that there's one thing successful couples never do: take each other for granted.

What is the no. 1 predictor of divorce? ›

Contempt is the worst of the four horsem*n. It is the most destructive negative behavior in relationships. In Dr. John Gottman's four decades of research, he has found it to be the number one predictor of divorce.

Which four behaviors predict divorce? ›

Certain kinds of negativity, if allowed to run rampant, are so lethal to a relationship that we call them the Four Horsem*n of the Apocalypse. Usually, these four horsem*n clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in the following order: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

What are the four pillars of an unhappy marriage? ›

John Gottman, a renowned couples therapist, identified four key behaviors that can predict divorce or break-up, known as the Four Horsem*n: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. These behaviors are so destructive to relationships that they were named after the biblical Four Horsem*n of the Apocalypse.

What is miserable husband syndrome? ›

Increased complaining and a negative outlook on life, work, and family are telltale miserable husband syndrome symptoms. He might frequently express dissatisfaction, focusing on problems rather than solutions. This persistent negativity can wear down the emotional well-being of everyone around him.

What hurts marriage the most? ›

Contempt

John Gottman found out that contempt is the No. 1 predictor of divorce. Contempt is poison for marriages. Behaviors such as disrespecting, cursing, name-calling, and anything else that makes the other person feel bad about themselves reflect contemptuous intentions.

What is the 333 rule in marriage? ›

In general terms, the 3×3 rule in marriage indicates that each person in the relationship should get 3 hours of quality time alone with their spouse and 3 hours of alone time by themself.

What should a married woman not do? ›

15 Things Wives Should Stop Doing
  • Stop thinking that your way is the “right” way. ...
  • Don't put others before your husband. ...
  • Don't expect your husband to be your girlfriend. ...
  • Don't dishonor your husband. ...
  • Stop expecting your husband to fail you as your dad failed your mom. ...
  • Don't put your husband on the defensive.

What are the four C's of divorce? ›

They are Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling. While most relationships will have some of these, healthy relationships don't use them nearly as often and do more to repair them when they are used.

What is the misery stage of marriage? ›

The Misery Stage is where many couples find themselves considering a marriage separation or divorce. Many believe the pain is too intense. It may seem that too much has happened and there is no way to forgive and move on.

What is the number one reason marriages fail? ›

Top 13 Signs a Marriage is at Risk of Divorce
1Lack of showing an interest in one another48%
2Poor conflict resolution47%
3Avoiding each other45%
4Lack of respect38%
5Increased criticism to or from my partner38%
8 more rows
Aug 15, 2023

What is the number one marriage problem? ›

1. Communication Issues. The most common complaint among married couples is lack of communication. Many couples put up with problems rather than try to fix them.

What is the number one enemy of marriage? ›

If there's one thing worse than a miserable, lonely single person, it's a miserable, lonely married person. The irony is that no husband or wife marries with the intention of being isolated from their spouse.

What is the number one thing that destroys relationships? ›

As a psychologist and sexologist, we've been studying relationships for more than 50 years combined, and we've found that no matter how you slice it, most of them fail because of poor communication.

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