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Lack of affection in a relationship is one of the things you might experience with your partner. So, what causes the lack of affection in a relationship? Read on to learn more.
A romantic relationship usually starts on a good note. You show each other physical intimacy, love, care, and affection that seems undying. However, these tend to dwindle as you get used to each other. You may start feeling a lack of affection from your boyfriend. This lack of attention and intimacy in a relationship is usual.
Relationships tend to fluctuate when it comes to physical intimacy and closeness. And it might not be anyone’s fault. Life happens! You naturally get preoccupied with things like your business, career, attending to children, and family issues.
Lack of physical affection in a relationship or no intimacy in a relationship doesn’t mean something is necessarily wrong with your relationship. Although it might be true in some circ*mstances, there are also times when your partner may demonstrate no affection in a relationship, and it has nothing to do with you.
What is lack of affection in a relationship?
Lack of affection is also called lack of touch in a relationship. It happens when one partner or partner refuses to show the other love.
A typical romantic relationship revolves around intimacy, emotional connection, and closeness. When partners get little to none of these qualities, it shows there is no affection or lack of affection and intimacy in a relationship.
A lack of affection disrupts the peace in your relationships. It occurs when physical affection and intimacy are not as strong as they used to be. The simple act of touching each other, hugging, and pecking comprise intimacy in a relationship. These gestures reassure you of your partner’s love.
Also, they are love affirmations your partner claims to have for you. When they suddenly fade, it’s normal for you to feel confused. Touch alone brings about closeness.
Besides this, it helps to calm your nerves, regulate your blood flow and digestion and boost your immune system. Naturally, when these features are absent, it creates a big gap in the relationship.
Causes of lack of affection in relationships
First, there is no difference between affection and intimacy. There are many reasons for a relationship lacking intimacy. To begin with, your partner may be engrossed in their career or busy with everyday activities. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you as much as before.
Besides, the intimacy and affection in a relationship will sometimes be stronger than when you started dating. You are now used to your partner; no need to pretend to keep your humiliating behavior. Therefore, you might feel there is no reason to impress your partner.
In addition, people experience life-changing events that make it challenging to focus on their partner. They may experience a change in their mental and emotional health, leading to issues like stress, depression, anxiety, and lack of motivation. These health issues prevent them from showing much affection in their relationship as before or not at all.
When your relationship lacks affection, you are bound to feel lonely. You want your spouse to kiss, hold, and hug you. You want to be touched in ways that make you feel loved.
If a relationship is built on strong affection and there is a sudden loss, it can affect the partners. Intimacy is the foundation of their relationship. Therefore, the chances of the relationship surviving are low.
Affection in a relationship helps partners feel closer to each other. Constant touching and intimacy help them maintain a healthy and stable connection. Whatever is causing the lack of touch in a relationship makes you feel unloved, unworthy, and lonely.
Seeing that your partner is interested in every other thing besides you is heartbreaking.
15 reasons behind lack of affection in a relationship
Lack of physical affection often occurs in a relationship, but there is always a reason. Check out the following reasons that may warrant a relationship lacking affection.
1. Weak emotional connection
If there is missing affection in a relationship, one common reason is a shaky emotional bond between partners. Indeed, your connection at the beginning of the relationship might be different after some months. That’s because you have become used to each other, fought, and argued.
However, if genuine love exists, you will still find a way to reignite your connection. If you noticed the emotional disconnection long ago and didn’t address it, the disconnection will grow stronger until it becomes quite obvious. Without the right emotions, there will be a lack of physical touch in a relationship.
2. You are too relaxed
When it comes to a non-affectionate relationship, you may wonder if there is such a thing as “too relaxed.” Yes, there is. When two individuals first meet intending to be in a romantic relationship, there is usually a high amount of effort from each person. You both invested in it heavily to create a stable foundation.
For example, you ensure that you attend at least two weekly dates, exchange gifts, and support and appreciate each other often. After some months, you get used to each other and feel there is no need to do as much again.
Instead of relaxing, partners should maintain the same energy as they did at the initial stage of their relationship.
3. Difference in personality
Another common reason for a relationship without intimacy is when two individuals with distinct personalities come together. A typical romantic relationship involves intentional effort from all parties to make it strong.
Unfortunately, when only one person puts in 100% effort, and the other person sees no need for it, there won’t be an emotional bond. How is it that some people aren’t romantic? Of course, it’s possible. We are all different based on our upbringing, background, childhood experience, and adult experience.
All of these come together to form who we are. That’s why it’s crucial to date someone with whom you have more similarities than differences. That way, when you experience the effects of a lack of intimacy in a relationship, you can build it back anytime.
4.No respect in the relationship
Before there can be an affectionate relationship, you must regard your partner, and this has nothing to do with age. Respecting your partner means you support their views, accept their personality, and are ready to make them feel loved.
When there is no intimacy in a relationship, chances are there is some disrespectful behavior going on under the ground.
Lack of respect includes not listening to your partner, not accepting their opinion, dismissing their point of view, and so on. Instances like this only point to deeper issues that you need to address.
If you don’t address it, you won’t get the chance to build back the affection in your relationship. Consider attending premarital counseling to help you communicate your feelings appropriately.
5. Your partner is holding grudges
One of the problems in most relationships is the inability to communicate and express feelings appropriately. When there is a fight, and there will be, partners should find a permanent way to resolve it together.
For example, you may decide that when the next problem arises, you should speak up immediately so that the other person knows what the problem is. However, in some relationships, the inability to address issues often cause pent-up anger and resentment toward each other.
Partners hold grudges when they could have spoken up and talked. When your heart is disturbed, or you keep thinking of how your partner hurt you, it’s hardly impossible to think about intimacy or affection.
6. Mental health issues
A relationship involves two people who love each other. When there is a lack of intimacy in a relationship, sometimes it has nothing to do with you. Mental health issues are a common ailment in our society.
There are several unfathomable reasons for it. If your partner has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from an event, they won’t have time for affection. Also, it will reflect in their adult relationships if they have issues connecting with people from childhood.
This condition may be caused by traumatic childhood experiences where a child isn’t shown much love. Similarly, a victim of child abuse may find it challenging to initiate intimacy. Other related mental issues are depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). These conditions can affect your ability to be affectionate with your partner.
7. Everyday activities
Your basic daily events shouldn’t affect how you treat your partner. However, it may not be like that. Going to work every day, attending to businesses, traveling, or attending to the children and house chores can take a toll on you.
Even married people may get so preoccupied with getting their lives together that they forget the main reason – their union – for doing it. The consequence of this is stress. The least you will remember when you are stressed and exhausted is intimacy in a relationship. It becomes worse if both partners are stressed all the time.
8. Dishonesty
A healthy relationship is built on honesty and vulnerability. Partners should be bold and speak their truth and tell their partners things. When you start lying to your partner, you lose this crucial ingredient, and the relationship is ready to collapse.
Being dishonest to your partner shows you don’t respect them enough. It also means you are hiding something from them. Such treatment makes it harder to focus on intimacy or physical touch in a relationship.
Related Reading: 15 Signs Of Dishonesty In A Relationship9. No trust
Close to dishonesty in a relationship is a lack of trust. Trust in a relationship means you believe in your partner. It means you have confidence in whatever they do and rely on them to do the right thing.
Sadly, when you break the trust in your relationship, everything crumbles, especially the affection and intimacy you have for each other.
For example, you may find it hard to hug your partner if they lie to you. Also, you may not express your intimate feelings as much because they behaved in a certain way in the past.
10. Lack of happiness
Best believe your partner will only have time for physical touch and intimacy if the mind is calm and relaxed. Therefore, ensure you are both happy and not struggling with any issues.
Related Reading: 10 Tips on How to Tell Your Spouse You Are Not Happy11. Personal insecurity
Affection in a relationship translates to physical and intimate touch. While you may be emotionally independent and confident, your partner may be battling insecurity. They may not be as vulnerable and confident about themselves as you are.
People still battle body part insecurities like height, facial structure, beauty, etc. If your partner frequently mentions their dislike for one of their body parts, this may be holding them back from being fully affectionate with you.
12. Spending less time together
You can only create time for affection in a relationship when you see each other. If partners are usually busy or make time for each other, it leads to a gap in their emotional connection. You may be married, yet see each other infrequently as you are busy with other things in your life.
Therefore, if you don’t see, you won’t need to be intimate with each other. When couples don’t pay attention to this aspect of their relationship, there will be a permanent lack of physical affection.
13. Difficulty with vulnerability
Vulnerability is the state of being open and free with someone. It means you aren’t afraid to share your deepest and most horrible secrets because you feel secure with someone.
Although some see vulnerability as a weakness, it’s an important ingredient in a healthy relationship. If your partner battles vulnerability due to their experience or background, there will be less intimacy. That’s because intimacy means being completely open to your partner.
14. Health issues
In some cases, your partner’s health status may prevent them from being fully intimate with you. Health conditions like cancer, diabetes, kidney diseases, and stroke can make partners weak and unable to be affectionate with their better halves.
15.No love
If your partner doesn’t love you, there will be no intimacy or physical touch in a relationship.
5 ways lack of affection in a relationship affects you
A prolonged lack of affection in a relationship typically affects you and your partner. Check out the following effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship:
1. Poor communication
One of the consequences of a lack of physical touch in a relationship is communication issues.
If there is no emotional connection between you and your partner, you might not see the need to discuss anything with them. Even if you do, you tend to restrict the discussion to basic things like household upkeep, chores, children, and bills.
2. Low self-esteem
The inability to connect with your partner emotionally affects your self-confidence. You may start blaming yourself or feeling guilty for what happened. You may even think something is wrong or your partner doesn’t love you again. It affects your self-belief and confidence and how you relate generally.
3. You become resentful
Lack of affection from a boyfriend or husband can make you loathe your partner. You start thinking about whether their role is that important since there is no physical touch.
Also, you may begin to avoid them if you are living together. As time goes on, it gets to a point when it’s hard to revive the relationship.
4. Feeling lonely and neglected
Speaking of the danger of lack of affection, Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach Christiana Njoku says,
A romantic relationship without a continuous flow of affection is a gateway to loneliness.
Sometimes, we feel lonely, but it doesn’t take time before we bounce back.
Feeling neglected in a romantic relationship is one of the worst feelings in life. There is a partner, but this person isn’t open to being affectionate to you. It hurts more and can lead to more issues if you don’t address them promptly.
Watch this video if you want to stop feeling lonely and get happy:
5. Infidelity
A top consequence of a lack of affection in a relationship is infidelity.
If you don’t connect with your partner again, or there is an obvious lack of physical touch, you may seek a connection outside. That must have happened after one partner has made several attempts to solve the lack of intimacy. Although it looks like a solution, it is only in the short haul.
Related Reading: 15 Most Common Causes of Infidelity in RelationshipsHow to deal with lack of affection in a relationship
It’s easy to throw in the towel when there is a lack of affection in a relationship. However, it isn’t a permanent solution. The following tips might help you deal with the lack of intimacy in your relationship:
1. Communicate
Communication solves most of the problems in the world. If you feel a gap in your relationship with your partner, speak up.
LPC Christiana Njoku adds,
When communication is missing in a relationship, it opens the door to resentment and misunderstandings- Communicate about anything and everything.
Sit with your partner and express how you feel about the status of your connection. These allow your partner to respond and listen actively. It isn’t the time for blaming games or shifting responsibility. Instead, it would help if you communicated to seek answers.
Related Reading: 20 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship2. Create solutions
After letting it all out, work together to create a permanent solution. Remember your effort at the initial stage of your relationship and put it into the plan now. Finally, create time for each other, spend more time together, go on dates, exchange gifts, and reassure each other every day.
3. Be intentional
Planning and doing are two different things. Now is the time to show how serious you are about reviving your relationship. It may not be easy initially, but let the thought occupy your mind. That will motivate you to show some effort.
Some commonly asked questions
Lack of affection in a relationship can harm the health of a relationship. Here are some questions that can address your doubts about this:
Can a lack of intimacy ruin a relationship?
A lack of affection in a relationship can affect partners and create emotional disconnection. If not addressed on time, partners may grow distant from each other, gradually leading to the end of the relationship.
How do you handle an unaffectionate partner?
The best way to deal with an unaffectionate partner is to communicate. Let them know how you feel and listen to them. Then, come up with a feasible plan together.
What happens when there is no physical touch in a relationship?
Gradually, a lack of affection in a relationship makes partners feel lonely, neglected, and unloved. Then, it leads to the end of the relationship.
In a nutshell
A romantic relationship can lose its groove and affection at any point. There are many reasons for this, including mental health issues, feeling too relaxed, lack of trust, dishonesty, health issues, etc.
Consequently, partners may feel emotionally disconnected, have communication issues, or lose self-confidence. It is best to resolve low intimacy in a relationship by communicating and finding ways to be affectionate again. Alternatively, premarital counseling can help couples struggling with intimacy.
