Reflections On Silent Conversation and The Wellbeing Benefits Of Silence
When my partner glanced at the computer screen and saw the title of my latest feature was ‘Silence is my mother tongue’, he scoffed so loudly he nearly spilled his tea all over my desk.
I love language and words – I’m an author after all! And I also love a good chat which is probably why the title of my latest feature amused him so much. But I love silence just as much and I invite others to enjoy it too through my meditations and mindfulness workshops.
Surely there’s room for both silence and conversation? For activity and stillness. For community and for solitude. For movement and rest. Why not have it all, right?
Silence In Southern France
Just recently I had the good fortune to take a short group tour of southern France. Oh la la, c’était merveilleux! It was a lovely week of rolling french countryside, fine art, old castles and great conversations. Among the group were several nationalities and as a keen language learner (French, Spanish and a tiny bit of Italian) I was thrilled at the prospect of bringing a few words from my phrase book to life along the cobbled streets of Occitanie.
Happily for me each day was full of opportunities to practice my French and pick up new phrases. Yet despite my enthusiasm and willingness to give it a go (and the occasional French faux-pas) there were several occasions where I couldn’t keep up with the speed of chit chat between native speakers. And at times I couldn’t understand a single word spoken by those around me – when it was Chinese, Greek or Dutch for example. And so I listened quietly to their animated conversations not knowing what was being said. Sometimes I sat next to a new friend and both of us were silent over lunch.
Silence isn’t just the absence of words
In those quieter moments I was touched by how well you can get to know someone when you meet outside of the usual borders of language. In silence you can just be together, without conceptualising or putting words around your experience.
Much of the nuance that goes into making conversation disappears when your speech is pared back to the bare essentials. As it does when you’re trying to say the right words to make yourself understood as non-native speaker, for example. And any remaining wit or subtlety is blown away like chaff from the wheat when words are removed entirely. As is the case when you don’t speak the others language at all, and you have to just sit quietly together.
But how innocent, how simple and how much more closely we can come to one another by sitting side by side in silent conversation. Now that I think about it, silence is the mother tongue we all have in common.
During the trip I also visited a number of galleries and museums. Each offered us the chance to discover something wonderful in the silence. This time not silent with a fellow holiday maker, but silent with a painting. Somehow meeting the painter and their subjects in the silence too.
And so how about you, have you made a similar discovery? What are your favourite ways to enjoy silence? Do leave a comment or get in touch. I’m @ Emma Mills London on Instagram
6 Ways To Enjoy The Wellbeing Benefits Of Silence this Season
Quiet time gives us room to turn inwards, time to reflect and the space to think for ourselves. Silence helps us to listen more and become receptive. In silence we can get a sense of something new, a new awareness. Something we don’t need to articulate.
In celebration of silence and to help inspire your meditation practice here are my top 6 tips for enjoying the wellbeing benefits of silence this season, followed by a short poem I wrote after my trip to France.
- Spend time enjoying a tree or a flower. Just look and enjoy, without naming or analysing or working out if it’s good or right. Be still, remain quiet and the flower will surprise you with a new and wonderful truth. (Tutorial)
- Listen to the soundscape where you are and notice how it evolves moment to moment. The rhythm of the ocean waves, the birdsong fluttering in the tree tops, the way traffic ebbs and flows on the roads. And how silence returns effortlessly between the sounds. (More on that here)
- Enjoy the silent company of a pet animal. If there are babies in your friendship circle or family it can be nice to sit with them and enjoy their wordlessness.
- Take up meditation and meet yourself in the silence of your own company. Or try my partner meditation with a friend.
- Go for a silent, mindful walk alone, or with a friend
- Enjoy a day of silence at home once in a while. The poet Hafiz says: ‘A Day of silence can be a pilgrimage in itself’ and I can’t help but think he’s onto something.
Mother Tongue
And in the silence —
the soft, thick silence,
full and
possible,
I hear her song.
I hear her speak in
a thousand languages.
All natural,
all Mother Tongue.
Nothing eludes me,
@emmamillslondon
all is met
with love,
in the silence.
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