Addressing the Challenges of Dual-Income Families - Dr. David Lowenstein and Associates (2024)

• DrDave
• | February 5, 2013

Since February is the month for romance, and because I’ve been talking about the role of families and parenting, it seems appropriate to broaden the discussion to include dual-career households. Truth is, women are pursuing advanced degrees at an ever-increasing rate. In 2011, females accounted for 46.6 percent of the labor force. Households where both husband and wife work are now the norm. That said, couples now face several challenges to keep their relationship intact. I typically place these challenges into three categories: work, family and personal. Let’s take a closer look.

Work-Related Challenges

It is rarely the case that careers develop in tandem. More often one partner’s career is taking off while the other’s is in a temporary holding pattern. These imbalances can create tension since one partner is being required to put in extra time and energy to take advantage of significantcareer opportunities while the other is left to pick up the slack at home. This naturally raises questions about whose needs are most important. If not properly addressed, the perceived inequities can quickly turn into feelings of resentment. Couples who do not actively plan how they will work through the stresses of unparalleled career paths are likely to experience significant relationship problems.

Family-Related Challenges

First, the division of household duties is a major issue for most couples. In 80 percent of the couples, women perform 70 percent to 80 percent of the household chores. Any attempts to protect a traditional division of duties eventually creates an overload situation for women.

Next, given the time and energy devoted to working outside the home, a serious question facing dual-career couples is whether to have children. If a couple decides to have children, timing may be critical. Starting a family at an early stage in one’s career can have a negative impact, but if the couple waits too long, age can be a problem. Dual- career couples who do not discuss their expectations of each other with regard to family and parenting issues run the risk of putting their relationship in jeopardy.

Personal Challenges

Men and women face personal and career challenges that are distinctly different. Women typically do not make decisions about work without considering how it will affect the family, while men view work and family roles as being independent. Working women often struggle with feelings of guilt for working outside the home. And, they may receive little to no support from their families or from society, which may label them as selfish. As the demands and expectations of work, home and family pile up, working women may feel like they are losing control of their lives.

At the same time, men are adjusting to the fact that they are no longer the sole provider in the family. Their financial contributions to the family as well as their career accomplishments may be equaled or possibly surpassed by their wives. In a society that stilldefines masculinity in terms of achievement outside the home, husbands may feel a sense of loss in their new role.

Time for leisure and social activities is sometimes rare for dual-career couples. When they are not managing the demands of their working lives, they are struggling to create quality time for children or each other. This may leave little time for relationships outside the immediate family. When couples finally find time to spend with each other or with friends, the occasion is often overshadowed by feelings of guilt.

Possible Solutions

• Clarify roles and expectations. Since communication is the foundation of any relationship, a good starting point for couples who want to enhance their relationship is to spend time sharing their career aspirations with each other. This kind of communication highlights potential conflicting goals and can open the door to a continuing process of compromise and negotiation that marks effective dual-worker relationships.

• Set priorities. The outcome of clarifying roles and expectations is finding common ground with respect to what is most important. Dual-career couples who have learned to successfully manage the challenges of their lifestyle are able to prioritize what means the most to each partner and to the relationship. These couples will likely be successful in their endeavors and succeed in making their marriage work.

• Develop process skills. Many couples put more energy into their wedding day than into any part of their relationship. The test of their relationship will come in their ability to work through the realities of who takes out the garbage, who makes the lunches and who picks up the kids after soccer practice. These decisions and divisions are all a matter of process. Couples who value good process tend to experience good outcomes when confronted with the challenges of daily living.

• Be creative. Solutions to the challenges of dual-working living are as unique as the individuals who choose this lifestyle. There is no master blueprint to overcoming the obstacles these couples face. However, flexibility is the hallmark of a creative couple. The willingness to look at situations from different perspectives and to experiment with new ways of doing things is an essential quality among partners who want to balance work and family roles.

• Exercise forgiveness freely. Dual-income couples should recognize that mistakes happen and that forgiveness needs to be exercised freely if the relationship is to survive. It is not enough to tolerate differences; couples must be able to manage the lifestyle and learn to forgive and forget.