Overall, you control the tech that comes into the house and the conversation about how to use it. Ideally, it starts with you learning how to use the device yourself, then deciding if it’s right for your kid, says author, international safety expert and digital parenting coach Elizabeth Milovidov. “Take time to read through the terms and conditions; read through what’s in the safety center,” Milovidov says. It’s not always obvious where that information is, she adds. So expect to take some time, dig in and understand the terms and conditions. Eventually, parents will discover for themselves if it’s something they want for their kids.What can parents control?
That also goes a long way in building a tech-positive relationship with your kids, says parent coach Beatrice Moise, who also specializes in helping parents with neurodivergent kids.
“A lot of decisions parents make aren’t based on experience,” Moise says. When her kids wanted to play Minecraft, she played it herself for a month first. In that time, she learned what the game was all about, and she was impressed.
“They’re building things, they’re being creative,” Moise says, so the game got the green light. But if you play it through and find something you’re not ok with, at least the kids know you tried to give permission but could not.
“Then you have a real reason, not just ‘I don’t like it,’” Moise says. In that instance, you risk dismissing your child’s point of view, and they’ll possibly learn how to keep things hidden from you.
How to set parental controls
Parental control settings can be applied in layers, says Werle-Kimmel, and she applies the device’s built-in controls first, then she monitors the messages and, finally, filters the content.
Manage the device: Look for the device’s built-in parental control settings, generally found in the settings menu. For iOS devices, look for the gear icon, then tap Screen Time. Android’s parental controls are found in Google’s Family Link app.
Monitor the messages: You can outsource third-party apps and install services such as Smart Family to monitor and manage an approved list of contacts in your child’s phone.
Filter the content: Finally, apply content restriction filters like Smart Family on internet searches and social media apps to filter out inappropriate content.
Those are the more universal parental controls you can apply to the devices in your child’s life. But as your child ages, the controls should change to match their stage in development as well as to prepare older teens to make good decisions online for themselves.
