“We had a snow day, and I tried to get Brendan to hang out with me, but he refused my invitation, despite being off school and supposedly living where I knew a giant snowball fight was taking place,” he said.
Parham also suggests pushing for a video call if you’re unable to arrange an in-person meeting, especially if the other person lives far away. If they won’t even video chat, that’s another red flag, and they’re probably not the person they’ve been representing themselves as on dating sites or a Facebook profile.
“Catfish will happily waste copious amounts of your time with excuses and fabrications,” Parham added. “It's better to nip it in the bud than be taken for a ride.”
10. They do make plans with you, but repeatedly cancel.
While some catfish will refuse the bait to meet you point blank, others will enthusiastically make plans with you — only to cancel time and again. A cornerstone of catfishing is the art of making excuses, and they’ve likely got a long list at the ready for why, so sorry, they actually can’t meet you tonight, or why they’re no longer free for that phone call.
And just to note on the plan-making front: Although you may be eager to finally see this person IRL, always arrange to meet in a public space, especially for your first time meeting an online connection.
11. They ask you for deeply personal information, but keep things about their own life vague.
If someone asks for your social security number, we can hopefully all spot that as a red flag. What we really mean by personal information here, though, is someone asking you probing questions that seek to get your guard down and encourage vulnerability. Having someone who clearly wants to hear your unfiltered thoughts and opinions on everything from TV shows to the impact of your parents’ divorce can feel super affirming, especially if you’re lacking that kind of outlet offline. But if your outlet is a catfisher, they could be trying to manipulate you and to create a false sense of intimacy. That might be the case if they’re only ever asking you questions about yourself without ever offering up personal info of their own.
12. They ask you for money.
Another clear-cut sign you’re being catfished? Your contact will ask you for money. If they ask for a loan — or a flat-out gift — that is a warning sign. Never send money to someone you’ve never met, no matter how small the amount.
13. They’re sharing strong feelings for you, and quickly.
If the person you’ve just met online is telling you they love you or engaging in other over-the-top behavior, this can also be a sign you’re being catfished. Attention like this can feel good, and that’s why predators make such huge declarations: to lure people into their webs. It’s a version of love bombing, and it’s not rooted in anything genuine.
14. Something just feels off.
Don’t be afraid to trust your intuition. If something about your new online pal seems off, pay attention to that feeling. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. If it doesn’t seem like a person is using their true identity, they probably aren’t.
How to Avoid Being Catfished
Now that you’ve got the signs of a catfish to look out for, it’s important to put together a general awareness plan. You don’t want to get so far into the relationship before realizing who you think you’re talking to may not be real. There are a few things you can do to protect yourself from catfishing — especially since you don’t want your own photos floating around at the hands of said catfisher stringing someone else along.
1. Don’t send photos of yourself until you’re absolutely sure you know who you’re talking to.
Oftentimes, catfishers will target more than one person at a time. Once you send them photos of yourself, you can’t be sure how they’re using them or if they’re using them to manipulate other people into their game. A good general rule of thumb is to never send photos until you’ve had a video call with the person or have met them in real life in a safe, neutral environment with other people around. Better safe than sorry!
2. Let someone else know you’re talking to the person.
Relationships are fun to share, so confide in a friend or a trusted adult once you start talking to someone you like. It’s always helpful to have someone to bounce feelings and messages off of when you need a gut check.
3. Take it slow.
As mentioned above, catfishers will often lovebomb, showering their target in affection in an effort to build a deeper connection as quickly as possible. Don’t be afraid to pump the breaks. If it’s who you think it is behind the messages, they’ll likely respect the request. Catfishers will find any way they can to manipulate people into a fast relationship.
4. Always be suspicious.
I know, this isn’t fun. But we live in a world where the Internet is an easy mask to hide behind. A good dose of suspicion will go a long way in protecting yourself.
