Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped | She's SINGLE Magazine (2024)

by Siobhan Quinn

Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped | She's SINGLE Magazine (1)

Photo by mikoto.raw from Pexels

When it comes to breakups, a clean split is usually what’s best for both of you to heal and move on. Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, ceasing all contact on both ends ensures that you both have time to process the situation without interference from the other. So yes, the no contact rule works—even if you’re the one who has been dumped.

Whether your ultimate goal is for them to eventually reach out or for them to be out of your mind completely, going no-contact is a necessity to ensure you move forward with peace of mind.

Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped | She's SINGLE Magazine (2)

Related articles: 5 Signs the 'No Contact' Rule is Working

Related articles: Why is the 'No Contact' Rule So Effective?

SO, HOW DOES IT WORK?

There is no gray area when it comes to no contact; it’s only black and white. No contact means cutting off all forms of contact, no matter how difficult or painful it may be. This may look like blocking and/or deleting their phone number, blocking their social media accounts and email addresses, and avoiding any places you know your ex frequents.

If you and your ex share mutual friends, consider letting them know that you don’t want to see your ex at all during this time—even for a split second. Kevin Darné, author of Every Ending is a New Beginning: The Journey from Breaking Up to Moving On, suggests implementing the no contact rule for at least six months to a year to properly grieve the relationship and move on. He also recommends getting rid of all gifts, photos, and mementos that remind you of your ex.

“Out of sight, out of mind,” as they say. The key to making the no contact rule work is to fully commit to it and to stick with it, especially during the moments when all you want to do is call them up and scream at them.

WHY IS IT SO EFFECTIVE?

The truth is, you are probably feeling a whole range of conflicting emotions. Maybe, all you want to do is to reach out and clear the air with your ex. But especially when you’ve been dumped, you need to let the dust settle and let your ex sit with the decision they made. Maybe you’d like to be friends one day, maybe you’re hoping they will come crying and begging for forgiveness, or maybe you want to rid them from your mind completely so you can have a more fulfilling relationship down the road.

Regardless of what kind of relationship you’re hoping for with your ex, it cannot happen immediately after the breakup. The no contact rule is most effective if it is “seen primarily as a way to rebuild yourself, and getting the other back is [just] a potential bonus,” according to Ludovic Chung-Sao, founder of Zen Soundproof.

Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped | She's SINGLE Magazine (3)

So, going no-contact is more likely to work out in your favor if you’re doing it for yourself—not for them and the potential of winning them back. Renee Alexis, a writer at Draw Paint Color, worded it eloquently: “Cutting your communication with someone who hurt you is acceptable. Staying friends with a toxic ex will never get you the peace of mind and healing you deserve.”

Ultimately, your peace and happiness are more important than any ex. The moment you let another person define your happiness is the moment you begin to lose yourself altogether. Whether you and your ex one day become friends or lovers once again is something only time will tell. But in the meantime, you owe it to yourself to focus on yourself for once and to bring yourself the joy that they couldn’t.

Related articles: What If He Doesn't Contact Me During 'No Contact

Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped | She's SINGLE Magazine (2024)

FAQs

Does no contact work if you were dumped? ›

Going “no contact” allows you more time to healthily process the loss and grief of your relationship. Ultimately, it can help you mend your heart, accept that the relationship is over, and begin dating again once you're ready.

What are the mistakes of the no contact rule? ›

Here are the biggest mistakes “No Contact deniers” have made when they break the rule too soon: Overanalyzing something their ex said and jumping to (wrong) conclusions. Appearing insincere or “off” because they're trying to hold back the panic. Attempting to reduce uncertainty and make off-putting ultimatums.

Who usually breaks no contact first? ›

Let your ex be the first one to break the no contact rule, especially if you're following it to try and get them back. It's easy to fall into a pattern of worrying about what other people think, but if reaching out to your ex and breaking the no contact rule is what's best for you, do it.

What are the effects of the no contact rule on a dumper? ›

The absence created by the no contact rule serves as a crucial time for emotional healing. It allows the female dumper to process the breakup, cope with the associated emotions, and gradually move toward acceptance. This period of emotional healing is essential for rebuilding inner strength and resilience.

Will dumper forget me during no contact? ›

It's unlikely that an ex will forget about you, even if you don't communicate with them after the breakup. Relationships tend to make a large emotional impact on both people involved, so it's likely your ex will remember you and the relationship even after the breakup.

What is the power of no contact after being dumped? ›

The no-contact rule serves as a vital tool for post-breakup healing by allowing individuals to step back and process their emotions without the interference of ongoing communication.

How to stay strong during no contact? ›

Here are a few tips to help you to maintain your distance.
  1. Write a letter to yourself. ...
  2. Give yourself room to grieve. ...
  3. Make a list of every terrible thing your partner ever did. ...
  4. Start a self-care list. ...
  5. Have a breakup buddy. ...
  6. Work on yourself. ...
  7. Start a new hobby. ...
  8. Give yourself some structure.
Sep 25, 2022

How do I know if my no contact rule is working? ›

You feel better.

Breakups can take a while to get over, but when you go no-contact with your ex, it can actually speed up your healing process a lot. If you haven't talked to your ex in a little while and you realize that you're actually feeling pretty good, that means the no contact rule is working perfectly.

What is the success rate of the no contact rule? ›

However, it's interesting to note that our own internal studies are pointing to a 75% – 25% split. 75% Of Exes Will “Fight” To Get Their Freedom Back While 25% Will Avoid The Situation. This is why we are seeing a high rate of “reach outs” for our clients during the no contact rule.

What is he thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? ›

After weeks of no word, he might begin to panic about losing you. He's been hoping and hoping you'll talk to him, but now he's realizing he'll be a permanent ex if he doesn't do something. He'll reflect deeply and, if he wants you back, make a plan to win you over.

Will no contact work if he lost feelings? ›

Licensed Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici says that, No contact can be a valuable tool in relationships where feelings have faded, as it allows both individuals to gain perspective and potentially rediscover what drew them to each other in the first place.

What does he think when you don't contact him? ›

After things start to settle down, the male mind, during the no-contact phase, starts to look for your presence in his life. He slowly starts to miss you and your presence in his life. As time passes, his longing for you grows, and he feels deep pain and anguish inside himself!

How often do dumpers come back? ›

Exes may return in some cases. Since couples break up for various reasons, the circ*mstances of a breakup may impact the potential for reconnection. A recent study showed that 44% of Americans have gotten back together with one of their exes after breaking up with them.

How does silence affect the dumper? ›

Silence gives your ex a chance to notice your absence and really miss having you around. If you stay in touch with them during the aftermath of the breakup, they might not get the chance to miss you properly. When you don't call, text, or ask to see them, your ex is more likely to start wondering what you're up to.

At what point does the dumper regret? ›

Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.

Do dumpers reach out during no contact? ›

The average breakup pundit would have you believe that with the no contact rule there would be a significant shift in how often they reach out to you. Turns out that the majority of exes don't reach out to you during no contact.

How long does it take for no contact to work on the dumper? ›

1 For an amicable breakup: around 30 days. 2 For a long-term relationship: at least 60 days. 3 If things got ugly at the end: roughly 90 days. 4 For an especially toxic separation: indefinitely.

Will no contact make the dumper miss you? ›

In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming.

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