Here's How to Make Your Partner Feel A Little Extra Special (2024)

Everybody wants to make their significant other feel special and loved, but sometimes the monotony of life gets in the way and it takes a little extra work to show them you really care. Once you get back into that headspace of wanting to make them feel special, the actions aren't hard. It's those simple and often small gestures that help express and reinforce the love you have for one another.

The following are just a few ways to make your partner feel special and improve the quality of your intimate relationships. All it takes is showing your appreciation in the way they like to receive it, taking responsibility for your emotions, supporting their goals, and sending sweet messages throughout the day.

Speak Your Partner's Love Language

Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages has changed the way many people talk about getting their needs met in relationships. Chapman makes the case that people receive messages of love in different ways, which he refers to as their "love language." The five languages he identifies are:

• Acts of service
• Physical touch
• Quality time
• Receiving gifts
• Words of affirmation

Perhaps your primary love language is "words of affirmation" and your partner's is "quality time." Hearing from them how wonderful you are is one thing that communicates love to you, but that love language might not work for them.

"It’s important to de-center from your fixed position to understand how your partner can feel most loved instead of assuming they are just like you," says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD.

For instance, your partner may feel most loved when doing an activity together. Take time to discover which love language works for your partner and then make an effort to "speak" their love language.

Learn to Self-Regulate

While love languages can help communicate understanding and appreciation, according to a 2017 study published in Personal Relationships, relationship satisfaction is less determined by aligned love languages and more determined by the ability of both partners to self-regulate.

So basically, taking responsibility for your moods and not expecting your partner to make everything better is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. A 2010 study of partners working towards positive changes in their relationships found that positive relationship evaluations were correlated more with self-focused improvement than with partner-focused improvement.

Especially when you are in conflict with one another, focusing on your own growth and taking responsibility for your contributions is the best way to improve the relationship.

Share Chores and Responsibilities

According to a 2018 review in the scientific journal Emotion, people experience gratitude when they perceive their partner to be doing something for them over themselves.

This might be doing the dishes (even though you cooked) so they can relax a bit more, or picking up their dry cleaning and saving them a trip. There are tons of opportunities for gestures of support.

"Remember the goal is not to engage in competition over who is doing more but rather to help your partner and make their day better. This often relates to the love languages as those who have a preference for acts of service strongly appreciate sharing responsibilities," says Romanoff.

You may feel like your to-do list never seems to end. But doing things small or large that are on your partner's to-do list, even when you've got a full plate yourself, can show how special they are to you. Ask your partner, "What can I do to improve your day?"

Support Your Partner's Goals

While your own self-growth is very important for relationship satisfaction, your partner still wants to feel like you are invested in the relationship and their goals, too. According to a 2014 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people who received active messages of support from their partners for their self-expansion reported higher relationship satisfaction.

Send Sweet Messages

According to a study review, sending spontaneous text messages helps to convey a sense of continuous presence in your partner's life. The feeling that conversation could be taken up at any time (while respecting healthy boundaries) and even across distance, communicates a sense of closeness and helps construct a sense of shared space.

During the time you spend apart, consider sending a text that shows your appreciation. Let them know you're thinking about them. It can be as simple as a flirty message, sharing something that reminded you of them, or simply asking them how their day is going.

By Wayne Parker
Wayne's background in life coaching along with his work helping organizations to build family-friendly policies, gives him a unique perspective on fathering.