How can you avoid toxic mentoring and networking? (2024)

Key takeaways from this article

• Diversify your network:

  Having a variety of perspectives in your professional circle can shield you from the negative impacts of toxic relationships. Engaging with people who share different views and experiences enriches your career.

• Seek multiple feedback sources:

  Gather input from various colleagues and mentors to get a well-rounded view of your performance. This can prevent the skewed perspective a toxic mentor might impart, bolstering your growth.

This summary is powered by AI and these experts

• Cindy Palmer Sales, Marketing, Partnerships…
• Marjan Mobin Business Development Consultant |…

• Cindy Palmer Sales, Marketing, Partnerships, Business Strategist | Military, Veteran, and Milspouse Supporter | Owner of The Veteran Owned Business (The VOB)

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  This is certainly something to be aware of when working with mentors and building your network. Just as great connections can build you up, not so great ones can stunt you.Red flags can include anyone who tells you you're wrong, or suggest that you not to listen to someone/something else.One rule to keep in mind is that what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for another, and no two situations are exactly the same. I found that the best mentors have a great balance of suggestion, information, and support.How about you? What have been your experiences or things to look out for?

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  Toxic mentors and networking may give you vague, inaccurate, biased, or discouraging feedback. They may also withhold feedback or recognition when you deserve it. To avoid toxic feedback, seek feedback from multiple sources, including peers, supervisors, clients, or other mentors

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  In my view, recognizing toxic traits in mentors or contacts is vital. Feelings of guilt, exploitation, or undermining? Those are red flags. Excessive criticism and manipulation should never be ignored. A mentor's role is to empower, not take credit or isolate you. Assess relationships that don't foster growth and trust your intuition. Surround yourself with those who genuinely foster positivity and uplift you. By considering these red flags, I was able to find genuine guidance and now apply the same principles in mentoring others. Excessive criticism, manipulation, or isolation from opportunities shouldn't be overlooked. Your success depends on wise choices. #trustyourintuition

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• Sharon Beharrie, MBA, SHRM-SCP Enabler of Bespoke Strategic Leadership and Learning Solutions | Talent and Leadership Optimisation | Culture of Continuous Learning

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  I agree with all of the signs you have mentioned. Further to that is the Why. Why did you enter into the relationship and what did you want to take out from it. If these are not happening before you walk away have a second layer that you can check-in with. Like your L&D Team, your hr business partners for guidance and support. Trust yourself to know when something seems off and take the necessary steps to protect yourself.

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  Self awareness is super crucial. especially when one becomes a self proclaimed, insecure leader you feel the need to be validated and you try and forcibly mentor (or rather micromanage) the teams. Its essential to identify the signs and quickly catch when you feel this need and the urge to forcibly mentor others to gain control for yourself. The process of getting honest feedback from the teams helps to identify this.

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  In my experience, setting clear boundaries with mentors and contacts is non-negotiable. These limits protect your time, energy, and well-being, defining how and when you interact. They mark a respectful space for growth. If mentors respect these boundaries, they foster a supportive relationship. If they're violated, it's often a sign of toxicity. Being assertive with your boundaries is essential for a positive professional journey. #setboundaries #professionalgrowth

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  See Also

  Phases of the mentoring relationshipMentoring ChecklistsCareers | Career Prep Workshops, Resources, Job of the WeekMentor Relationship Kickoff Guide
• Brian Knoke Retired Leader

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  My mentors have been trusted and trustworthy people. It’s all about respect for the absent. Listen to how they talk about others, and share their experience. If they betray other’s trust, they may betray yours. It’s important to watch all the people you interact with, your best mentor may be someone that works for you, or is lower in the “chain of command” but has the characteristics you aspire to grow, and give you honest feedback.Best mentors:Trust - nothing tears a team up more than a lack of trustWork Hard - leading change is hard workHaving fun - winning as a team is fun (pizza parties are nice) and working hard to do something hard, is fun.

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• Folasade A. World class HR professional

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  Precisely. Setting of boundaries is a great way to prevent spillovers of negative dispositions. The mentoring relationship is usually voluntary and where it ceases to produce benefit to either party, it can be ended without undue aggression.

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  While I agree with these suggestions, I wonder what if the mentee is not meeting the expectations and has lasted on the same path after various conversations/opportunities. Where do we draw the line and how do we decide if it is the mentor or the mentee intoxicating the situation/relationship?

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• Dano B. SPE Founder { Pre-Seed Stage }

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  Greater mentors come from great mentees.It's important to remember:We are All, always, both.Someone is always looking up to us.As we, are always looking to another.(Broad scope)___When exceptional communication, paired with constructive feedback and active listening are engaged, the preparation mentorship can provide is astronomical.In BOTH cases for the mentor & mentee, it behooves each to be an active listener.The key to a great master is their ability to listen. Not every mentor is a master. Not every mentee will become one either.

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  In my experience, not all feedback serves growth. Toxic mentors may provide vague or discouraging insights. Seeking diverse opinions from peers, supervisors, and other mentors has been a key strategy for me. By comparing and critically evaluating feedback for relevance, validity, and specificity, I've identified true strengths and areas for improvement. Remember, quality feedback comes from those who genuinely want to see you succeed. Choose wisely. #feedbackmatters

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• Avradeep Bhattacharya Security Engineer @ Meta | Reality Labs Trust

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  From my personal experience overtly positive feedbacks doesn't lead to your growth. Feedbacks like "Keep doing what your are doing" is of no help. Also feedback at the correct time is also important. "You should have done that" doesn't help me in any way and also leads to waste of both mentor and mentee's time. Every mentee should be aware of the feedback that they are getting and if it is helping them reach their goal.

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• Willis Langford HR Director | Talent Management | Diversity | Author | Life Enthusiast | Learning Architect | Leadership Coach | Servant Leadership | Speaker | Writer

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  For a successful mentorship relationship one of the biggest ingredients is trust !!For feedback that requires the mentee to adopt and change significantly, it is better to get a 360 and accordingly act.

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  See Also

  The Three C's of Successful Mentoring Programmes
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  When you are not happy with a doctor's assessment, you are tempted to take a second opinion from another doctor. Likewise the same approach works here. When you dont fully see the value derived from a mentor, seek alternate feedback from other colleagues, seniors & mentors. Listen to all but act on the basis of your best interests is the sign of a mature professional.

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• Dano B. SPE Founder { Pre-Seed Stage }

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  If you want quality feedback, you've gotta ask for it."Critical with kindness""Constructive Feedback" ..is very different from,"Hey, what do to think.."Professionals embrace those who can communicate clearly and articulate their wants / needs / desires / dreams.For great feedback, make sureyou've put in your best effort, first. It benefits you to have:• A goal, an interest, a target, an idea• A compliment to your mentors niche• A reason you seek a mentor / expertBut, "You gotta show up!!" .. how many mentees never finished training. Moreso who claimed interest but never followed through - "pobody's nerfect"But if you can be as prepared as possible, great feedback is what a phenomenal mentor loves to provide.#GoGetSome!

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  In my experience, diversifying your network is a game-changer. I've witnessed how toxic mentors can curtail growth by creating a bubble of dependence. Their tendency to isolate stems from insecurity. Proactively expanding your circle is the antidote. Engage with individuals who resonate with your goals and values, offering genuine support and fresh insights. Participating in industry events and communities has also been invaluable for me. It's not just about building a network, but fostering a diverse ecosystem that fuels growth and innovation. Stay vigilant and always prioritize authentic, empowering connections. #DiverseNetworking #Empowerment

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• Adrian Holtham Talent Advisor | Data Geek 🧠 | CX + DEI Advocate 🌈 | Unleashing the Power of Teams at Atlassian 🚀

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  I've been positively surprised at how many people are happy to give advice, talk or simply listen. People I've never met but are able to lend their time. I've discovered many groups work and non-work related with people who are passionate to share. Mentors should act as a bridge to these opportunities - not a blocker.

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  Mentoring need not necessarily be in just a single area. Someone who may be mentoring you for a job search, may not necessarily be a good mentor for enhancing your leadership skills. Diversify the network. Work with multiple mentors at multiple times depending on your need of the hour. The bigger the network, the better.

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  From my perspective, ending a toxic mentoring relationship, though challenging, can be a necessary step for personal and professional growth. It's about addressing concerns and allowing a chance for change. If problems persist, a respectful exit becomes crucial. This approach isn't about burning bridges, but prioritizing your well-being and career direction. The right connections are key to success. #professionalgrowth #mentorship

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  There is a strong power bestowed in someone who has the ability to end the relationship when it no longer serves the purpose.Dragging through it for the sake of continuity is more detrimental than beneficial. If you don't see the mutual respect being served, end it, but be cautious of the below steps.1. Do it courteously2. Dont burn the bridges3. Dont finger point4. Cite the actual reason as the problem, not the person.5. Keep the window open for future connection.You never know when you get to work together in what capacity. Be smart about it.

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• Diana NDücker Strategic Business Mentoring - First Visionary Leadership Coach in Mexico - OKR Master Professional - Team Coaching - Included in "Top 15 Coaches in CDMX in 2022" by Influence Digest+ Ranking.

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  Agree with you Gaurav, it's always best to end a situation when the win-win can't be achieved. And thank you for sharing these 5 steps, the most simple and effective way to do it professionally and avoid hurtful feelings.

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  "I always prioritize choosing the right option from the beginning, rather than resorting to firefighting later."🎯 **Finding the Right Guidance** 🎯Mentorship and networking are vital, especially when we're new and eager to learn. Challenges in finding the right mentors can be disheartening, especially when faced with those who seem helpful but prove toxic. The turning point for me was an interview with Girish, CEO of Freshworks, emphasizing the importance of discerning true well-wishers and advisors. This insight led me to seek advice from specialists, focusing on expertise and alignment with values. The right guidance can propel you towards success like nothing else.

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• Fábio Mancio Software Engineer Manager @ HP

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  Set clear goals and measure the benefitsEnsure you set the goals and expectation for your mentorship. Set an agenda to ensure you and your mentor are on track. Measure if you a receive a though feedback that will make you grow or if you just received a feedback that will let you down. If the mentorship is not adding value, thank your mentor and identify another mentor, but before you do that, have the clear understanding of what is your goal, on what topic, area you need a mentor.

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• Lyubomir Mateev 🇧🇬 Tobey Maguire got bit by a 🕷️, but see, me, it was a 🐐

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  In my initial call with any mentee, I tell them exactly how I work, and spend a good 30 minutes to explain my methods. At the end I ask them if my approach is suitable for them and for their career goals.

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• Diana NDücker Strategic Business Mentoring - First Visionary Leadership Coach in Mexico - OKR Master Professional - Team Coaching - Included in "Top 15 Coaches in CDMX in 2022" by Influence Digest+ Ranking.

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  And as a Mentor you should do the same... always remember that is a two people participation, a trustful and always based in sincerity and true

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