How to Break a Trauma Bond with a Narcissist (2024)

Developing a trauma bond with a narcissist makes it extremely difficult to leave an abusive relationship. You’ve probably tried to leave many times, but you always end up taking the narcissist back into your life. So what steps can you take when learning how to break a trauma bond with a narcissist?

In this blog post I share 15 effective tips when it comes to breaking a trauma bond with a narcissist.

Before we start I just want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you so don’t fall into the trap of shaming yourself or feeling guilty about it. Trauma bonding is real and you are not alone.

It’s common for victims of narcissistic abuse to develop a trauma bond as this abusive cycle is very powerful. Healing from toxic and abusive relationships is a formidable challenge, and I speak from personal experience.

If you’re interested in healing from narcissistic abuse, I warmly welcome you to my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. It’s an easy self-paced online course which you can do at your own pace. My signature program combines scientific and spiritual tools for holistic healing of the body, mind, and spirit.

15 Tips on how to break a trauma bond with a narcissist

Breaking free from a trauma bond after ending a relationship or divorcing a narcissist can be a challenging and complex process. These 15 tips are designed to help you navigate the path towards healing and reclaiming your life.

From setting boundaries to seeking professional support, each tip offers practical strategies on how to overcome trauma bonding with a narcissist.

1. Become aware of the trauma bond

The first step to get over a trauma bond is to become aware of what’s happening to you. If you don’t become aware of this manipulative technique that keeps you psychologically addicted to the narcissist, you risk staying stuck in the relationship for years.

Once you become aware of the trauma bond, you can start taking the necessary steps to get over the trauma bond and heal your emotional wounds. Learn more about the trauma bonding signs to help you identify whether you’ve developed a trauma bond with your abuser.

2. Journal your thoughts and emotions

Being in an abusive narcissistic relationship is extremely confusing and overwhelming. It’s common to experience cognitive dissonance due to the confusing manipulative techniques like love bombing and narcissist gaslighting.

Victims of narcissistic abuse who develop a trauma bond tend to normalize the toxic behavioral patterns. This makes it even more difficult to get over a trauma bond. So writing down things that happened each day can help you become aware of patterns and manipulative lies that may not have seemed abusive in the moment.

Keeping a journal and writing down your emotions will also help you stay grounded and in touch with reality. Narcissists do not validate your experiences and emotions, they deny their abusive behaviors and project them onto their victims. This can be very confusing and can lead you to question your own sanity as you find it difficult to know what’s real or not.

3. Observe the relationship from a different perspective

Being emotionally involved and attached to a person makes it more difficult to be logical and rational. If you are struggling with trauma bond withdrawal symptoms, you end up craving your abusers’ attention and affection like a drug.

Imagine you had a dear friend or family member going through the same experiences you are going through, what kind of advice would you give them? Does this kind of relationship sound healthy and worth fighting for? Would it be in their best interest to stay in this kind of relationship?

4. Limit or cut off every contact with the narcissist

People who develop a trauma bond usually end up going back to their abuser multiple times. They give in to their impulsive thoughts, and fall for the narcissists’ manipulative lies. Don’t fool yourself and try to convince yourself that you can stop trauma bonding while staying with a narcissist.

Of course I don’t blame you, narcissistic people are masters of manipulation and use their charm to lure their victims back into the toxic relationship. If you stay in contact with your abuser, you’re just making it harder for yourself to get over trauma bonding. Learn more about the 7 stages of trauma bonding.

Every time you get back with your abuser, you are sending them an indirect message that they can get away with anything. Next time, they know that they can take it a step further as they are confident that you will take them back.

Remind yourself how many times they promised you that they will change, the thing is that they would do just about anything to get you back. They might even convince you that they will go to therapy. Even though these promises sound tempting, if you want to break free and get over the trauma bond, stay away!

5. Practice self-love and self-care

One of the common 10 signs of trauma bonding is diminished self-esteem which forces you to lose touch with your true self. You end up neglecting yourself and all your needs to accommodate your abuser hoping that you would get their love and affection.

One of the best ways to strengthen yourself and reclaim yourself back is to practice self-love by honoring your needs, emotions and setting boundaries. To get over trauma bonding you need stop being submissive and stand up for yourself. Taking care of your needs is not selfish but an act of self-love.

Setting boundaries is essential in breaking free from a trauma bond. Start by identifying your needs and values, then clearly communicate them to others. This won’t work with a narcissist, but that shows that this person is harmful to your well-being. Asserting yourself and establishing limits on what is acceptable and respectful behavior will help you keep out toxic people out of your life.

Remember, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and protect your emotional space, even if it means creating distance or seeking support from loved ones or professionals.

You deserve better, you are enough and you deserve to be respected and loved for who you are. Stop trying to prove yourself and blaming yourself for what happened.

6. Surround yourself with good friends and family

To heal from trauma bonding it takes time, patience and self-discipline. It’s a challenging journey, but once you manage to break a trauma bond, it’s extremely liberating. If you want your life to get better and find inner peace, you need to stop yourself from giving in to your impulses and stop texting your ex back!

Instead of wasting your time and energy on people who belittle you and break you down, surround yourself with people who love you and truly care about you.

By seeking comfort and support in people who want the best for you, you will find strength and feel less isolated. A positive environment and a good support system can do wonders to help you heal and get over a trauma bond.

Stay strong! You owe this to yourself, take your life and destiny into your own hands and change your reality.

7. Educate yourself about how to heal from narcissistic trauma bond

Diving deeper into the nuances of narcissistic behavior and the intricacies of trauma bonds will arm you with knowledge, a powerful tool in your recovery journey. Narcissism isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a complex pattern of behaviors that can be devastating to those on the receiving end.

Moreover, trauma bonds aren’t just any bond; they are forged through a specific cycle of highs and lows, of affection and neglect. This tactic is also known as intermittent positive reinforcement.

By educating yourself, you gain clarity on the patterns you’re experiencing. Knowledge not only helps in healing but also in prevention, allowing you to set boundaries and identify narcissist red flags in future interactions.

Related: What is trauma bonding with narcissists?

8. Engage in activities that rebuild your self-esteem

Rediscovering who you are post-relationship is vital. Consider starting a personal project, perhaps something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance. Join clubs, take up hobbies, or learn new skills to feel more confident in your abilities and worth.

Traveling solo was one of my favorite ways to reconnect with myself. Even if it was just a short weekend getaway, the journey was incredibly enlightening. It was during these solo adventures that I felt truly empowered, discovering new places and uncovering deeper facets of who I am.

I also took the time to introspect, figuring out what I genuinely liked and didn’t like. This process wasn’t instantaneous; it took time. But, it led me to a clearer vision of what I truly wanted out of life. This realization was immensely healing and became a significant boost to my self-confidence.

Attending workshops or seminars that resonate with your interests is also a great way to rediscover who you are and helps with breaking a trauma bond with a narcissist. Remember, every experience, no matter how small, can offer insights into your true Self. Embrace these opportunities to grow, learn, and flourish.

Your journey towards self-discovery will not only bolster your self-esteem but also pave the way for a richer understanding of who you really are. Discovering who you truly are is the foundation of building a fulfilling and abundant life.

9. Explore somatic healing techniques on how to heal from narcissistic trauma bond

Somatic healing focuses on the connection between the mind and body, recognizing that trauma can manifest physically. By addressing the bodily symptoms of trauma, you can release pent-up emotions and begin a holistic healing process.

While I believed I had made significant progress in my healing journey through mindfulness, meditation, journaling, and practices centered on self-love, my body told a different story. Years after leaving the abusive relationship, there were lingering emotions, deeply embedded within the very fibers of my being.

I wasn’t consciously aware of this residual pain, thinking I had addressed most of my trauma. However, it was through somatic practices like yin yoga and ecstatic dance that I truly tapped into these dormant emotions. Yin yoga, with its prolonged holds, allowed me to access and release pockets of pain. While ecstatic dance became a medium to express and free suppressed emotions.

These practices reminded me that sometimes, healing isn’t just a cognitive process; our bodies also hold onto memories and traumas, waiting for the right moment and method to release and heal.

Activities such as deep breathing exercises, yin yoga, and guided body scans can help you become more in tune with your body’s sensations and reactions. Embracing somatic healing can be a transformative step, helping you to reconnect with your body in a nurturing, positive way after the impact of narcissistic abuse.

10. Challenge and reframe negative self-talk

It’s crucial to recognize and confront the critical or harmful voices in our minds. Often, these voices echo the past, reinforcing the negative narratives and perceptions we may have developed due to traumatic experiences.

By replacing these damaging thoughts with positive affirmations, we initiate a process of cognitive restructuring, a core component of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT emphasizes the tangible connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, offering tools to disrupt and change maladaptive patterns.

One of the most remarkable things I learned during my healing journey was the power of neuroplasticity. The human brain isn’t static; it’s adaptable and malleable. This means that by consistently challenging and reframing negative thought patterns, we can actually “rewire” our brain for the better.

Through leveraging this inherent power of neuroplasticity, I began my healing process. The very act of altering my inner world—my thought processes—had a profound ripple effect. As I transformed my internal narratives, I witnessed a palpable shift in my external experiences.

By harnessing the transformative power of positive thought and the potential of our ever-adaptable brains, we lay the foundation for lasting recovery and self-growth.

Related: How to stop the negative chatter in your head

11. Practice mindfulness and grounding exercises

The power of staying present cannot be underestimated, especially when trying to heal from past traumas. Activities like meditation and deep breathing are invaluable tools to help us remain in the present moment and prevent us from becoming overwhelmed by surging emotions.

For me, meditation was nothing short of transformative. I began my journey into meditation to help me deal with my negative thoughts and anxiety. Initially, it served as a refuge, a momentary escape from the tumultuous emotional suffering. But as I delved deeper and committed to the practice, something profound began to happen.

There was a graceful shift, a gentle unwinding of tightly held beliefs and fears. I found myself becoming more discerning, less reactive to fleeting thoughts and impulses, and more attuned to a dimension beyond my physical self.

Through this introspective journey, I unearthed a revelation: we are so much more than our physical body, our past traumas, or our present circ*mstances. By peeling back the layers of conditioned thoughts and behaviors, I connected with my true Self. And I discovered an expansive realm of inner strength, resilience, and authenticity. This was truly instrumental in breaking my trauma bond with the narcissist.

Meditation offers a plethora of benefits:

1. Enhanced Self-Awareness: By focusing inwardly, we can recognize negative patterns or habits that might be holding us back.
2. Stress Reduction: Regular meditation can lower the stress hormone, cortisol, aiding in relaxation and mental clarity.
3. Improved Concentration: Over time, the practice can enhance our attention and lengthen our concentration span.
4. Promotion of Emotional Well-being: Meditation has been linked to improved mood and positive emotions.
5. Increased Empathy and Compassion: Regular meditators often report feeling more connected to others and the world around them.

And the list goes on. Truly, in the quest for healing, mindfulness and grounding exercises can be some of our most powerful allies.

12. Seek out support groups for narcissistic abuse survivors

Connecting with others who’ve walked a similar path can offer invaluable insights and understanding. Sharing your story and hearing the experiences of others not only serves as a cathartic outlet but also fosters a sense of belonging and community.

Being a part of such a group reminds you that you’re not alone and provides a platform for collective healing and empowerment.

13. Identify your values and boundaries

One of the critical steps in understanding how to break a trauma bond with a narcissist is to reconnect with your authentic self. During the distressing phase of trauma bonding with a narcissist, it’s easy to lose sight of your core values. This happens because your energy is largely consumed by tending to the narcissist’s needs, often at the expense of your own well-being and emotional health.

By identifying your values and understanding what genuinely matters to you, you can begin to regain a sense of self that might have been overshadowed or suppressed. When in the grips of narcissistic abuse, our boundaries often become blurred, making it crucial to re-establish them. Setting clear boundaries is not only about protecting yourself from further harm but also about honoring and respecting your own needs and emotions.

Dive deep into understanding your values and commit to practicing and setting boundaries that align with them. Remember, living a life that’s out of sync with your values can lead to internal conflicts. Your inner true Self continuously seeks alignment and authenticity. By ensuring your choices resonate with your values, you affirm your worth, embrace your integrity, and pave the way to break the trauma bond with a narcissist.

14. Recognize your inner strength and authentic beauty

As I learned how to break a trauma bond with a narcissist, I began to see with greater clarity. I had been under a false perception that the narcissist was supplying something essential to my life, something I believed I couldn’t achieve on my own. For me, this manifested as social status, self-confidence, and an identity. Without him, I felt diminished, as though I lacked identity and value.

This deep-rooted belief was what tethered me to the trauma bond. Disentangling myself from this illusion was neither quick nor straightforward. It demanded introspection, unearthing and challenging where these self-limiting beliefs originated. Over time, and with consistent inner work, I managed to debunk these misconceptions.

To my amazement, I found that I possessed capacities far beyond what I’d ever fathomed. I tapped into my intrinsic worth and authentic beauty—a beauty inherent in all of us. We all enter this world equipped with unique gifts and a distinct purpose.

Irrespective of who you are, your background, or the challenges you’ve faced, you have this innate beauty and potential. The key is to shift perspective, remove the lenses that blur your vision, and unveil the truth of your existence.

15. Seek professional support to get over the trauma bond

Breaking trauma bonds with a narcissist requires time, patience, and often professional support. While the steps mentioned can initiate your healing, therapy or counseling is crucial for deeper understanding and closure. In these safe spaces, you gain clarity and strategies to break the bond and heal emotional wounds.

Additionally, my signature program “The Path to Healing & Empowerment” offers tailored support, combining science-backed techniques and spiritual practices for comprehensive healing from trauma bonding and protection against future abusive relationships.

FAQs