If you've ever thought, "I need someone to talk to," it can be challenging to know where to start. If you need someone to talk to, friends and family are one option. Online forums, support groups, therapists, clubs, hotlines, and religious organizations can also be helpful.
"Having open conversations with others is invaluable for mental health. It provides emotional support, diverse perspectives, validation, and coping strategies and helps break down the barriers associated with mental health," explains Stacey Neal, MD, a psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Baltimore, Maryland.
While having someone to talk to is critical for well-being, loneliness, and isolation have become an epidemic in the United States, Neal notes. Such isolation can have devastating consequences on both mental and physical health.
According to a report by the U.S. Surgeon General, poor social connections increase the risk of heart disease by 29%, stroke by 32%, and dementia in older adults by 50%.
If you feel like you need someone to talk to, there are steps you can take to build more social connections and get the support you need. This article takes a closer look at the benefits of talking to others and how to find people to talk to when you feel alone or isolated.
Reasons You Might Need Someone to Talk To
Everyone feels lonely sometimes, but it can be particularly challenging if your support system is limited or if you feel like your friends and family won't understand. There are a variety of reasons you might think, "I need someone to talk to." Some of these include:
- You are feeling stressed out or overwhelmed and you aren't sure how to cope
- You're going through a challenging life transition like moving, a divorce, or a new job
- You're struggling to sleep at night because you can't seem to quiet your thoughts
- You are having problems in a relationship and you aren't sure how to manage them
- You're feeling unmotivated and struggling to find pleasure in the things you used to enjoy
No matter what you're going through at the moment, connecting and communicating with others is the key to living well, especially if you're struggling with an illness, depression, addiction, the loss of a loved one, or even just loneliness. For this reason, it's important to know what to do and where to look when you need to talk.
Whether through friends, support groups, or therapists, I wholeheartedly encourage and support open dialogues to promote mental well-being.
— STACEY NEAL, MD, PSYCHIATRIST AT KAISER PERMANENTE IN BALTIMORE, MD
Trying to bury your feelings, grit your teeth, and go it alone is rarely effective. Your emotions and feelings are there whether you talk about them or not. Difficult emotions will not simply go away just because you ignore them.
But if you try to talk to another person, you may be able to release some of the tension and negativity you're experiencing and feel better.
Benefits of Talking to Others
Finding someone to talk to not only provides connection, comfort, and understanding but also offers opportunities to talk about shared experiences as well as prevent feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Stress Relief and Friendship Building
Consequently, talking to another person relieves stress and helps build friendships and connections.
Talking things over with other people also aids in decision-making and provides an avenue to process your thoughts and feelings. Talking also exposes you to new perspectives and ideas and helps with problem-solving. In fact, there are a number of powerful psychological benefits to talking.
According to research from UCLA, talking can diminish the response of your brain's amygdala, which initiates the "fight or flight" response when you're feeling intense emotions like fear, anxiety, or aggression.
As a result, when you get stressed out or overwhelmed, this part of your brain takes control and can even override your more logical thought processes.
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But researchers noted that by using "affect labeling," or talking through your experiences and processing what happened, you can override the amygdala's response and cope with your feelings in a more effective way.
"We all need a shoulder to lean on during challenging times. Having a trusted individual to confide in provides much-needed emotional support. Expressing feelings, fears, and worries to someone, who genuinely listens and cares, can alleviate stress and loneliness and improve mental well-being," Neal says.
Greater Insight and Growth
Talking to someone else is also a great way to gain insights and hear other perspectives that can help promote learning and growth, Neal also explains. When people share their experiences, they can get advice from others who have maybe been in the same situation.
Such suggestions can be invaluable, aiding people in navigating difficult situations. "These conversations can shed light on options they might not have considered, fostering growth and resilience," Neal suggests.
She also suggests that these conversations and connections can foster coping skills that help people become more resilient in the face of future difficulties. Friends and other supportive people can help in this regard, as can working with a mental health professional. Talking about your specific challenges with your therapist allows you to get feedback, brainstorm solutions, and feel more confident in your responses.
Friendships May Add Years to Your Life
Research also suggests that having strong social ties, or people you can talk to, is linked to a longer life. In contrast, social isolation and loneliness are linked to depression, poorer health outcomes, and risk of premature death.
Additionally, having a variety of social relationships may help reduce stress as well as heart-related risks. So, it's important to find people you can share things with.
Too many times, though, people are reluctant to reach out to others to talk despite the many benefits. Either they allow fear and shame to keep them silent, or they don't know how to reach out.
Other times, they allow work or family obligations to get in the way of any real connection with others. And before long, they feel lonely and isolated and don't have anyone to talk to.
Recap
Having someone to talk to has important physical and mental health benefits, but there are sometimes obstacles that make it harder to find a confidant.
How to Find Someone to Talk To
Unfortunately, some people feel like they have few people to talk to. People who live far from family, are single, or don't have a best friend may be more likely to feel this way.
It is becoming increasingly common for people to report having few friends. One report found that 27% of millennial-aged adults report having no close friends.
Even if you feel like you have limited close friendships, the reality is that there are probably more people in your life that would lend a friendly, supportive ear than you might think. In fact, it may be easier to find someone to talk to when you need it if you know where to look. Here are some ways you can find someone to talk to.
Make a List of Social Connections
When you start thinking about who you might be able to open up to, start by making a list of your social connections. Include people you know from a variety of situations like family members, friends, Facebook friends, and even co-workers.
Then, try to determine who on your list is not only emotionally intelligent but also emotionally skilled. Typically, people with these skills tend to be much easier to talk to because they are empathetic. Once you have a list of possibilities, reach out to them and invite them for coffee or to go for a walk.
It's important to note that you may have to take it slow with newer relationships. You may not be able to talk about your deepest feelings right from the start of a new friendship. With time, though, you can build trust with one another and start sharing more intimate details about your life.
Building a list of social connections is not ideal if you're in a crisis and need to talk to someone right away, but it is an important part of building a support system.
How to Cope With Loneliness
Join an Online Forum or Chat
During those times when you feel like you need to talk with someone right away, you might want to consider an online forum or chat with a group tailored to your needs.
Aside from providing you with people who understand what you're struggling with, you also have the option of sharing details anonymously.
Sometimes people really appreciate the immediacy of an online forum or chat. Plus, communicating online can help take away any apprehension and help people with social anxiety relax and share.
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Participate in a Support Group
One way to build your support system is to join a support group. Whether it's an online group or a group that meets in person, both options provide you with a network of people who can relate to what you're experiencing.
Neal recommends reaching out to local support groups and community organizations that are focused on specific mental health concerns. These groups often host regular weekly meetings where you can connect with people who share similar issues.
It's worth reaching out to these organizations and asking about the services they offer, their meeting schedules, and how you can get involved. Taking that first step to connect with them could open up a whole new world of support and companionship.
— STACEY NEAL, MD, PSYCHIATRIST AT KAISER PERMANENTE IN BALTIMORE, MD
There, you will be able to get the support and understanding that you need as well as offer support to others in similar situations.
Research has found that support groups can help decrease feelings of anxiety and depression as well as improve overall well-being.
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Work With a Therapist
Whether you need to discuss a mental health issue, want help managing your stress, or just need to find ways to be more mentally healthy, a good therapist can help you make sense of your feelings and emotions.
Therapists can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and may even be able to provide input on how to build a support network.
If you don't have insurance or if your insurance doesn't cover mental health services, some counselors and therapists work on a sliding fee scale.
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Consider Online Therapy or Therapy Apps
You also may want to check out online therapy providers as well. In addition to being more conducive to busy schedules. These options are sometimes more affordable.
Neal also suggests trying online counseling options or therapy apps. Such platforms offer a convenient and accessible way to get professional help. She recommends working with reputable apps and platforms that can connect you with a licensed professional who specializes in an area suited to your needs.
Digital self-care tools you might find helpful include Calm, myStrength, or Ginger.
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Participate in a Group
A great way to make connections and meet new people is to join a group. Once there, you will meet people with similar passions and desires and you may be more likely to meet someone with whom you can build a lasting friendship.
Plus, attending regular meetings and events with the group provides the opportunity to socialize and have a casual conversation.
Contact a Hotline
If you are in crisis, it's important to get help right away. For this reason, never hesitate to call a hotline. Regardless of your need, there are crisis lines with trained advocates to help you.
Even if you can't find someone to talk to directly, helplines can still provide valuable support and help you explore additional options for assistance.
— STACEY NEAL, MD, PSYCHIATRIST AT KAISER PERMANENTE IN BALTIMORE, MD
Many times, they will listen and chat with you for as long as you need. Whether you want help with drug addiction, domestic violence, an eating disorder, or even thoughts of suicide, there are people available to talk almost any time of day.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
Visit a Place of Worship
Churches, mosques, and synagogues are a great place to find someone to talk with. Often, religious leaders are more than happy to talk with people in crisis or in need. So, you may want to look to your local church or synagogue as a possible resource.
Even if you don't have a religious affiliation right now, you may want to pursue different options and see if there is a place of worship that fits with your values and beliefs.
In fact, research has shown that people who attend religious services regularly have a greater number of social ties and connections. They also tend to report more positive social interactions and benefit from regular attendance than those who attend less frequently.
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Coping With Obstacles
It's not uncommon to feel like you have no one to talk to. Everyone feels that way sometimes. You don't have to be alone to feel that way either. You could feel alone and isolated at a party, work, home, or even while spending time with friends.
Common barriers to perceived social support can include stigma, lack of access, poor self-esteem, life transitions, and mental health challenges. For example, social withdrawal can be a symptom of depression, making it harder to find connections that foster better emotional well-being.
Finding people to talk to, however, can help reduce mental health stigma. "By encouraging open and supportive conversations, we can create a safe space for individuals to seek help without fear of judgment. These conversations help normalize mental health struggles, leading to increased awareness, acceptance, and ultimately better mental well-being for all," Neal explains.
Try reconnecting with people you already know by texting or calling to chat or ask how they've been. Initiating a connection can lead to more contact and a rekindling of a close interpersonal relationship.
Other strategies that Neal recommends to help increase social connection and combat loneliness include:
- Inviting a friend or neighbor to start a walking routine
- Joining or starting a book club
- Planning a family get-together
- Going to a park, library, or coffee shop to read the news
- Volunteer for a cause you care about
- Attending a local senior center
The important thing is that you try to build a support system of people you can turn to when you need to talk. Ideally, this support system will comprise friends, family members, trained professionals, and others with similar struggles. In time, feeling like you have no one to talk with will seem like a distant memory.
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