Many people are struggling at the moment with the rise in living costs and could find themselves falling deeper into debt as they try to balance their household income with increased bills.
Debt charity StepChange says that fewer than one in three people ask for help with debt, and instead pretend that everything is fine. When overwhelmed with debt, people can often ignore it, be in denial about it or hope that they are able to resolve it themselves, all of which can be extremely stressful to deal with alone.
New research from credit report company ClearScore found that 1 in 6 adults say that they've hidden debt from their partner, with another quarter saying that they regularly hide purchases from their other half.
Just over a fifth of people (22%) say that they find talking about money with a partner 'awkward', but in spite of this, 20% of people wish they spoke to their partner about money more often.
If you spot that someone you know is struggling with debt, then there are ways you can help them. Talking to friends and family about debt problems is really hard to do, but can often be the best way to deal with a difficult situation.
Debt tipping points
Many people will pretend that everything is fine until an event happens which tips them over the edge. StepChange says this can be an life-changing event such as:
- Losing a job
- Illness
- Bereavement
- New baby
- Rising bills
- An emergency bill, for example the car breaks down or the boiler needs replacing
Signs that someone might have a debt problem
Overspending
The irony is that often when people don’t have enough money they end up spending more. If someone you know always has new things but never having any money it could be the sign of a problem.
Not opening bills or bank statements
It can be hard to face up to debt. Some people cope by ignoring it altogether, such as by not opening financial statements or demands for payment. Getting lots of letters from different banks and card companies could in itself be a sign that something is wrong.
Living in their overdraft
Other debts can easily pile up if someone is always in the red in their current account.
They seem withdrawn, anxious or tired
Living in debt can have a huge impact on someone's mental health. Someone with debt worries might stop calling, say they can't come out or panic if you suggest doing something. They could become secretive and not want to talk about money, or make any plans for the future, and only take calls in private. Having debt problems can make people feel ashamed and want to withdraw from company, says StepChange.
Having trouble sleeping is a common sign of stress over debts. This could show itself with lots of yawning, trouble focussing and general sluggishness, or being grumpy, aggressive or snappy.
Change of spending habits
Some changes might be a positive sign that they are tackling their money worries, such as reining in their spending, ordering the cheapest thing on the menu or only buying things on sale (and if absolutely necessary). But other signs could be less positive, such as putting lots of items on credit cards or buying things via Buy Now Pay Later.
Change of transport habits
Have they sold their car recently and now only take the bus or walk everywhere? It could be a lifestyle choice but it could signify something more.
How to help someone with debt problems
Be ready to listen
It’s tempting to rush straight in with advice but what someone in debt really needs is a willing listener. It can be hard to bring the subject up initially so ClearScore recommends making money part of your everyday conversations and normalise it.
"If you put off talking about money until you are faced with a big financial issue, your conversation could become emotionally charged, leading to a breakdown in communication," says Joe Wiggins, Group Corporate Communications Director at ClearScore.
"If you’ve never talked to your partner about money before, try opening up the conversation by asking them whether their family talked about money when they were growing up."
If it isn't something you've discussed before, then asking someone in a calm, safe space if they are worried about anything and that you're always there for them, can open the door to a conversation. Just talking about debt in a calm and non-stressful way can help take some pressure off and inspire someone to find help.
Encourage them to seek professional help
Nobody needs to pay for debt advice and there are many debt charities out there which will offer free, non-judgemental advice and some neutral to talk to. For free help contact the National Debtline (0808 808 4000) or StepChange (0808 138 1111). Both charities also have a wealth of information online; StepChange’s anonymous online debt remedy service is perfect for those not yet ready to talk on the phone.
Give them space
No one is going to sort their debt problems in one day and bringing the subject up constantly will just add a load of extra pressure. Let the person know that you are there to support them whenever they need you and allow them to reach out to you in their own time.
Give practical support if asked
Dealing with financial problems on your own is hard. Once your friend has opened up about their situation, you could offer practical support such as helping with budgeting, suggesting ways they could increase their income or just being there when they talk to their creditors such as a bank, mortgage provider or credit card company.
Don't feel you have to offer financial support, says StepChange. "You may want to help, but you need to know you can afford to," says the charity. "Lots of our clients fall into debt by lending to friends and family who cannot pay them back. You have to look after your own finances too. If a loved one asks you to be a guarantor on a loan, explain that you love them and want to help in other ways, and that you do not want debt to ruin your relationship."
