I Learned How Many Times You Can Break No Contact (2024)

Today I’d like to talk about how many times you can get away with breaking the no contact rule before it loses full effectiveness.

Now, I’ve been kind of famous over the years for this graphic,

Basically it argues that every time you have to restart a no contact rule it loses effectiveness.

But I really wanted to push the boundaries.

I wanted to figure out what the maximum amount of times you could break the no contact rule was and have it still work on an ex.

Now, there’s a lot to consider here but whenever I can I like to employ the KISS method.

• K- Keep
• I – It
• S – Super
• S – Simple

And it seems to me the answer is staring us right in the face.

By looking at success stories who have broken no contact multiple times and gotten their exes back we might find our answer.

So, that’s what I’m going to do.

Now, I figure the best way to approach this is twofold.

1. I want to link you to the actual interview (so you can see I’m not just pulling these numbers out of a hat)
2. I want to quote the exact moment that the interviewee mentioned they broke no contact

Let’s begin!

Success Story #1: Broke No Contact Five Times

Success Story: She Let Go After Her Breakup And Then Every Single Ex Came Back

For me, I did struggle between April and August, I did, I did struggle. But something snapped. By the time I had failed. No, no contact, like the fifth time that I was just like, I need to, I need to give up because this is crazy.

Success Story #2: Broke No Contact One Time

Success Story: She Got Her Ex Husband AND Her Ex Boyfriend Back

CJ 13:43: Of course I didn’t have enough emotional control. At that point. I responded like an idiot.

Success Story #3: Broke No Contact Two Times

Success Story: How No Contact Can Win Your Ex Back

Yeah. I broke no contact twice and it was like I went a week and then broke it. Then I went another week and broke it.

Success Story #4: Broke No Contact One Time

Success Story: How She Secured A Date And Got Her Ex Back

Chris:
Okay. So you went to the No Contact Rule. You started over. Did you make it through fully the second go around?

Sarah:
Yeah.

Success Story #5: Broke No Contact One Time

Success Story: How One Woman Got Her Ex Back After Being Blocked

Chris:
Okay. So what happens? I already know a little bit, spoiler alert, because she had this huge write up in the Facebook group. So how long did you make it through no contact?

Jo:
41 days.

Chris:
Okay, that’s still pretty a lot. So what is it that caused you to break no contact early?

Jo:
It was because you know how I told you that I started … Did I tell you I started seeing a counselor?

Success Story #6: Broke The No Contact Rule 4 Times

Success Story: How To Get Back An Ex In A Long Distance Relationship

Chris Seiter:
It did, yeah. So, that’s the other thing I’m noticing is people calling audibles mid play and it still works out for them. It seems to me like you need to trust your gut because you know your guy better than anyone else. All right, I don’t think you breaking the no contact rule like 10 times worked so well, but you eventually got it.

Rachael:
Mine was like three or four.

Chris Seiter:
Three times, but you still-

Rachael:
Three or four or in there somewhere.

Success Story: #7: Broke No Contact One Time

How One Woman Got Her On Again/Off Again Ex Boyfriend Back

Laura:
Yeah. So I’d say like if it had happened in kind of the first month of me like starting the program, maybe even the first two months, of sorting out, I’d have probably been a mess about it. But I think it just got to a point where I was like, “Well, I don’t need you. I just was looking, first, to sort things out and if it wasn’t going to be sorted out, then that’s fine.” And that does help. And I think that’s the point that I got to in the September. And that’s why the second no contact worked so well for me is because I wasn’t bothered anymore.

Success Story #8: Broke The No Contact Rule Three Times

He Said “I Love You But I’m Not IN LOVE With You” And Then He Came Back

Becca:
And so, the first week I want to say I started no contact at the beginning of April, first week of April. And I broke no contact probably two or three times in the first week, and yeah.

Success Story #9: Broke No Contact Two Times

Success Story: How She Got Two Exes To Come Back

Yeah, and it gave it gave me a really safe place to really vent go to focus redirect, especially because you know, during the no contact or the limit, no contact with my first partner, I failed like twice in the first month and I had to start for a third time seriously

Success Story #10: Broke The No Contact Rule One Time

Success Story: She Got Her Ex Back Following This Exact Game Plan

Did you fail no contact at all when you tried it?

Lauren:
Yes. I failed it three days in.

Percentage Of Success Stories That Broke NC Vs. Those That Didn’t:

This is where the study becomes interesting to me.

I spent an hour combing through 26 total interviews. My thinking was pretty simple. I was going to look for any mention of the success story breaking the no contact rule when they really weren’t supposed to.

Now, obviously we’ve had more than 26 success story interviews coming through our website. However, a good portion of those success stories lived with their exes or worked with them.

This made a pure no contact rule impossible since they were stuck doing the limited version.

Anyways, I’m getting off topic.

• Out of the 26 interviews I audited, exactly 10 successes broke no contact.
• The puts the percentage of individuals who “failed the no contact rule” at 38%.

Already this is a fascinating number to me because on average close to 80% of our overall clients in our community will fail the no contact rule at least one time.

One of the things that separates the successful folks from the unsuccessful ones is that they only fail no contact at half the rate as the average.

But again, getting off topic.

(Sorry, I geek out over data like this.)

Coming Up With A Real “Failure” Number

So, ten success stories that I interviewed admitted that they broke the no contact rule.

1. 5 times
2. 1 time
3. 2 times
4. 1 time
5. 1 time
6. 4 times
7. 1 time
8. 2 times
9. 3 times
10. 1 time

This puts the average amount of times that it’s probably “safe” to break the no contact rule right at 2.1 times

Thus, it would appear that the no contact rule can still be effective as long as you don’t break it more than two times in your first attempt.

I want this number to scare you.

Because the number doesn’t lie.

And one of the big things about my approach to breakup recovery is emotional control. It’s best to think of the no contact rule almost like a litmus test for how much discipline and emotional control you have after a breakup.

It’s definitely no mistake that the individuals who ended up being successes broke the no contact rule at a far less clip than the average.

Why?

Emotional control.

So, ya, the next time you are thinking of breaking the no contact rule I want you to think about these numbers and know that what may seem like an insignificant decision that won’t have that much impact on your overall chances might be more significant than you think.