Inheritance etiquette: How to talk about estate planning with your family (2024)

No matter where you are in life, having an estate plan on paper is an important and selfless act for those you love.

While the conversation may feel difficult to begin, it's one of the most beneficial discussions you can have. Communicating your desires to your friends and family ensures your wishes are heard, empowering you to determine what your legacy will be. Ultimately, the estate planning conversation will give you peace of mind and put your loved ones at ease knowing what their responsibilities are and how they can honor your legacy.

Inheritance etiquette: How to talk about estate planning with your family (1)

Here, we'll discuss the benefits of having the estate planning conversation and tips for getting started.

Benefits of estate planning

A careful, thought-out estate plan helps you answer the important question: “What do you want your legacy to be?" While the question—and the process—can seem daunting at first, it's ultimately an exercise in understanding how you want to live, and how that life will be carried on.

There are many benefits to estate planning including those that are immediately apparent and others that have long-lasting impacts. At the end of the estate planning process, you can be more comfortable knowing your wishes will be met and your family will be provided for.

Gain peace of mind

An estimated 68% of Americans don't have a will. If they were to pass away without one, their estate would be managed according to the laws of the state in which they resided.

One of the first benefits of estate planning is the peace of mind that your assets will be transferred according to your desires after you're gone. Putting together a comprehensive estate plan allows you to determine how—and by who—your affairs will be managed.

Prevent family conflict

Clearly communicating the goals for your estate removes the emotional burden of having to make these difficult decisions from your family members and loved ones. It also helps remove the potential for any conflict or further conversation about how your affairs will be handled, which should result in a smoother and less expensive process.

Preserve your legacy

It's important to proactively plan to preserve generational wealth, land, heirlooms, and most of all, legacies. Most people who spend their lives building and preserving their estate would likely find relief knowing that it can remain intact after they're gone.

Perhaps you belong to a congregation or believe in a charity that you would like to offer continued support after you pass away.

If each generation continues to steward the estate responsibly, the family legacy could have significant and lasting impacts for future descendants. If there's any uncertainty about the intentions, desires, or capacities of one's beneficiaries, the best course of action is to ensure every scenario is thought of and covered in your estate plan according to your wishes.

Choose what's right for you

Just like the individuals behind the estate, every estate is unique and therefore requires a unique plan. It's important to make comprehensive decisions early on that are right for you and your family. Consider any and all circ*mstances including who will make medical decisions.

Regardless of age, marital status, or wealth, having a will is important for everyone.

Inheritance Etiquette Tips

The subject of inheritance is an understandably difficult and painful topic to talk about. If you have a large family it can be easier to get the estate planning discussion started as a group instead of in one-on-one conversations. Below are some tips to make these inheritance talks as smooth and productive as possible.

1. Have the discussion early and often

Don't put this conversation off. It's beneficial to begin discussing inheritance at an early age to get your family comfortable with asking honest questions, bringing up meaningful discourse, and setting an example for their individual estate planning habits.

It's also recommended to have periodic inheritance discussions to re-evaluate the plan, situation, and any material changes in the estate.

2. Be upfront, open, and inclusive

Be transparent with your executors, guardians, trustees, agents, and trusted family members. Openly talking about your affairs, intentions, and wishes helps ensure they'll be met. If you don't have specific wishes for how your estate will be managed after your passing, simply communicate these sentiments.

3. Compile notes and instructions

When a loved one passes away, it's important that a trusted person has the necessary information to retrieve the will, access assets, and more. For example, if there are any safes or safekeeping places for jewelry, cash, and other valuables, informing a trusted person early on can help ease the process during an already difficult time.

The details and whereabouts of the following information should be communicated for exceptionally good inheritance etiquette:

  • Who has power of attorney
  • Social Security number
  • Birth certificate
  • Account information for all financial institutions
  • Debtors/lines of credit
  • Insurance providers/policies
  • Marriage certificates/divorce paperwork
  • Other pertinent information

4. Approach the conversation with empathy

It's important to recognize how difficult this conversation can be for you and your family, and approach the sensitive topic with understanding and empathy.

To do so, plan ahead and communicate when the estate planning conversation will take place. This can give everyone time to compose their thoughts, questions, and most importantly, their feelings. During the conversation, communicate openly and encourage everyone to share their thoughts on the subject. Listen actively, and be cognizant of approaching any potential disagreements with understanding.

Ultimately, conversations about estate planning can be difficult to start—but they're one of the most important discussions you'll have. Once you've initiated the conversation, know you're in good hands with LegalZoom—from helping you begin estate planning to walking you through important estate planning documents, our network of attorneys is here to help.

Inheritance etiquette: How to talk about estate planning with your family (2)

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Inheritance etiquette: How to talk about estate planning with your family (2024)

FAQs

How to have a conversation about inheritance? ›

Inheritance Etiquette Tips
  1. Have the discussion early and often. Don't put this conversation off. ...
  2. Be upfront, open, and inclusive. Be transparent with your executors, guardians, trustees, agents, and trusted family members. ...
  3. Compile notes and instructions. ...
  4. Approach the conversation with empathy.
Apr 3, 2024

How do you talk to your parents about estate planning? ›

Let them know you want to put a plan in place that reflects exactly what they want in the event their health deteriorates or they become incapacitated. This will help you determine their exact wishes along with who will be making these decisions in case they are mentally or physically unable to on their own.

Why should you talk with loved ones about your estate plans? ›

Also, when your family doesn't appreciate the rationale behind your estate planning choices (like the use of lifetime trusts), this lack of understanding can lead to conflict and resentment among family members. In a worst case scenario, your heirs could end up suing one another.

What are the 7 steps in the estate planning process? ›

Get a head-start on planning and follow these 7 easy steps:
  • Take Inventory of Your Estate. First, narrow down what belongs to you. ...
  • Set a Will in Place. ...
  • Form a Trust. ...
  • Consider Your Healthcare Options. ...
  • Opt for Life Insurance. ...
  • Store All Important Documents in One Place. ...
  • Hire an Attorney from Angermeier & Rogers.

What is the key to estate planning? ›

Key Takeaways

Common estate planning documents are wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and living wills. Everyone can benefit from having a will, no matter how small their estate or simple their wishes.

What is poor estate planning? ›

Failing to review and update your Will, Trust and Power of Attorney. Failing to plan to avoid Estate Taxes. Failing to leave assets to anyone other than your spouse. Failing to update beneficiaries on life insurance and retirement accounts. Failing to provide liquid assets to pay estate debts.

When should you think about estate planning? ›

In California, as soon as you accumulate any assets—be it a car, savings account, or a piece of valuable jewelry—you should start an estate plan. This foundational step is not about the value of your assets but about the intentions behind them.

Should you talk to parents about inheritance? ›

Open communication about financial matters, including inheritance tax, can promote transparency and trust within the family. By discussing these topics openly, you can help ensure that everyone understands the reasons behind certain decisions and feels included in the planning process.

What are the three goals of estate planning? ›

Q: What are the three main goals of an estate plan? A: The primary objectives are ensuring your assets are distributed as you wish, delegating decision-making authority if you're incapacitated, and clearly defining your beneficiaries to prevent legal or familial disputes.

What are the 3 main priorities you want to ensure with your estate plan? ›

Protect and Maximize Your Estate for Your Heirs

In conclusion, when creating your estate plan, it's crucial to prioritize these three key objectives: naming a trusted individual to handle your affairs, ensuring your estate goes to who you want it to, and protecting and maximizing your estate for your heirs.

Why we should talk about death with family members? ›

Opening conversations about death and dying can begin to ensure that our wishes are followed when the time comes. We should all feel empowered to talk about it with our friends and family, as well as healthcare professionals who take care of us.

Is it appropriate to ask about inheritance? ›

A: It's not necessary to ask how much money your parents might leave you. “Start the conversation by asking about their values and what wealth means to them,” suggests Merrill Lynch Wealth Management Advisor Todd Silaika.

How do you start a conversation with a property agent? ›

These tips will help you communicate effectively, and get you into your new home sooner.
  1. Work with one agent. Be direct and ask your agent about terms of exclusivity if you are unsure. ...
  2. Be clear with how you want to communicate. ...
  3. Communicate your wants and needs. ...
  4. Ask questions.

Why is it important to discuss estate plans with heirs, family, and friends as soon as possible? ›

Communicating your estate plan and ensuring your family understands your long term wishes is important. Doing so may even increase the likelihood that your estate planning is executed according to your wishes. While it can feel uncomfortable to have such discussions, relying on a team of trusted advisors can help.

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