Love
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March 13, 2024
mbg Contributing Writer
By Georgina Berbari
mbg Contributing Writer
Georgina Berbari is a multidisciplinary artist, Yoga Alliance RYT-200 yoga and meditation instructor, and a Master's graduate of the creative writing program at Columbia University. Her work has been featured at the Hecksher Museum of Art on Long Island, Women's Health, SHAPE, Bustle, and elsewhere.
Summary March 13, 2024 We carefully vet all products and services featured on mindbodygreen using our commerce guidelines. Our selections are never influenced by the commissions earned from our links. It can be very confusing and distressing to lose feelings for someone while you’re still dating. You might think the relationship has run its course—and while that could be true, it's also possible for feelings to return. Healthy relationships involve work and maintenance, and this hard-earned romantic homeostasis can aid in our overall wellbeing and longevity. If you’ve fallen out of love but aren’t ready to end the relationship, know there is still hope. Depending on the circ*mstances, and both parties’ motivation to find a path forward, there are indeed ways to love someone again after losing feelings.How to love someone again after losing feelings
1.
Reflect on the reasons you lost feeling
Take time to reflect on why you lost feelings in the first place.“Identify any underlying issues, external factors, or personal changes that may have contributed to the decline in emotions,” says Amber Kelleher-Andrews, world-renowned relationship expert and professional matchmaker.
“Understanding these reasons, and even better, communicating them to your spouse is [one of the] keys to starting fresh,” she adds.
2.
Prioritize self-care
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Jeff Yoo, LMFT, at times, losing feelings is a personal issue and has nothing to do with your partner.
“Prioritize your needs and take care of yourself,” he tells mindbodygreen, adding, “When you are putting your energy into work, home, and family, and neglect your personal care and needs, you will become stressed and emotional. That is when we try to find a place to put the blame [and] stress can become dissatisfaction in our romantic life or personal relationships.”
By loving yourself more deeply, you are sometimes able to regain your love for the people in your life.
3.
Seek relationship advice
Yoo suggests seeking advice from a qualified therapist that specializes in relationships and couples counseling.According to him, “Some people seek help through self-help books and or organizations, but it may be more difficult without an unbiased and unemotional counterpart to help you weed through the issues."
A therapist can guide you through self-discovery, hence, it begins with you. Past relationships, family issues, or differences in culture and faith could all be blocks that you ignored early in your relationship. When we first fall in love, our partners are precious—then as time passes, the differences start to glare at us.
4.
Focus on the positive qualities
How does one do this when they are not in love?According to Kelleher-Andrews, this is where the effort comes in. “Find what you do like in your partner, as simple as it may be, and remember to show appreciation and gratitude.”
It could be as simple as their smile, doing the dishes, or going grocery shopping. This may not seem groundbreaking, but it's your opportunity to express appreciation for what your partner does well, and acknowledge their positive qualities.
“This fosters a sense of mutual admiration and strengthens the bond again between you, leading back to respect for one another,” Kelleher-Andrews adds.
5.
Meditation and mindfulness practices
Engaging in meditation and mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded and centered during challenging times.As Kelleher-Andrews explains, “These practices can help you manage stress, cultivate self-awareness, and make decisions from a place of clarity."
Even just 20 minutes a day is a great place to start, she says, adding that if you can get to the point of meditating as a couple, that's an excellent step.
6.
Explore shared activities
“If you grow apart, you will need to reconnect over shared alignment, morals, and values once again,” Kelleher-Andrews advises, adding to rebuild your important emotional connection by prioritizing spending quality time together.
Engage in activities and traditions that you both enjoy, and create opportunities for new shared experiences and build positive memories in the present. Have fun again!
7.
Nurture your physical intimacy
Physical affection is an important aspect of a romantic relationship, not to mention scientifically proven to enhance overall health and wellbeing1.
Kelleher-Andrews suggests prioritizing physical touch, intimacy, and sexual connection. “Explore ways to reignite the spark and prioritize each other's needs—but I highly suggest you do the above steps first,” she says. “Physical intimacy can be difficult if you have not brought back admiration for one another, and trust.”
Why people lose feelings
There are many reasons people lose feelings in a relationship, and some may be beyond articulation. Still, it’s important to try to pinpoint some common reasons, in order to increase clarity about the situation.
“People lose feelings when something comes along to disrupt the status quo or things are stagnant for too long,” says licensed therapist and relationship expert, Michele Leno Ph.D., adding, “Situational factors such as financial stress, job change, or relocation can alter your feelings.”
Moreover, feeling ignored or disregarded may create emotional distance. Lack of physical attraction may also contribute to the problem.
Here's our full guide to why people fall out of love for more information.
Signs you’ve lost feelings for someone
According to Kelleher-Andrews, these are some telltale signs to watch for that indicate you’ve lost feelings for someone:
- Lack of excitement: You no longer feel excited or enthusiastic about spending time with your special someone. Activities or events that used to bring joy and anticipation have either faded away, feel mundane, or are just plain uninteresting.
- Decreased communication: There is a noticeable decline in the frequency and quality of communication between you and your person. You may find yourself avoiding conversations or keeping conversations brief and superficial.
- Lack of emotional connection: You no longer feel emotionally connected or invested in your person's wellbeing. Their happiness or sadness may no longer affect you in the same way it used to. That soul connection has been severed and the emotional ties are harder to sense.
- Absence of physical attraction: You notice a decrease or absence in physical attraction and lack of desire for intimacy with your partner. Physical touch or affection may feel forced now, and even uncomfortable at times.
- Irritation & annoyance: You find yourself easily irritated or annoyed by the person's habits, behaviors, or quirks that you used to find endearing or charming. Less patience exists overall.
- Loss of interest: Your curiosity and interest in the person's life, hobbies, and achievements have diminished. You focus elsewhere because you may no longer feel the need to engage in conversations about their interests or even support their goals.
- Fantasizing about being single or with someone else: A great romantic novel is one thing to get lost, in but if you find yourself daydreaming about someone else, this is a strong sign. You may find yourself imagining a life without the person you're with or even fantasizing about being single again.
- Emotional distance: There is a growing emotional distance between you and your person. You may feel disconnected or indifferent towards their emotions or struggles.
- Lack of future plans: You no longer envision a future with the person. You may find it difficult to make long-term plans or commitments involving them.
- Seeking emotional fulfillment elsewhere: You actively seek emotional support, validation, or connection from sources, other than the person you have lost feelings for. This can include seeking support from friends and family, or even developing a new emotional connection with a specific person.
How to move forward
It's important to remember that these signs do not necessarily mean that your feelings are permanent.
“You are not doomed—healthy relationships tend to jump in and out of these ‘signs’ over time, and still couples can have a strong bond once again,” Kelleher-Andrews tells mindbodygreen, adding, “I like to see relationships like the never-ending tides. Emotions come in and out like the ocean. This is because we are not stagnant creatures, we are human beings and we react to many circ*mstances around us, and this affects those we love.”
So when we find ourselves in a rut, it's an opportunity to reflect within and remember to give yourself grace and time to figure it all out. Leno suggests this might also involve taking some space away from your loved one, to process everything.
Don’t be afraid to take a break. Time apart may help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. (Here's our guide to taking breaks in relationships if you might want to explore that route.)
FAQs:
How to love someone again after losing feelings?
Loving someone again after losing feelings is possible, if one is motivated to do so. However, it will take radical self-responsibility, commitment, and hard work.
Why people lose feelings?
People lose feelings when something comes along to disrupt the status quo or things are stagnant for too long. Situational factors can alter your feelings as well (i.e. financial stress, job change, or relocation).
The takeaway
Remember that whatever you choose, all is not lost. You will love and be loved again, whether it is within this relationship or without.
“If you are not ready to leave the relationship, make an effort to love them again,” Leno says. But if you've exhausted your resources, she adds, "It may be time to end the relationship.”
It's essential to trust your instincts and do what feels right for you. Everyone’s wellbeing and happiness should be a priority when navigating through the rebuilding phases of a relationship, including yours.
So before making any decision, give some thought to what you really want. You are not alone, and there are many resources to continue deepening and improving your relationship, just remember to be honest with yourself.
