During the last eight months of my grandmother's life, a manila folder with "Grandma" scribbled across the tab sat at the corner of my desk. In it were notes from the day we traveled around the town she lived in for decades, a recording from an interview I did on her 90th birthday, and files about her family lineage.
That folder was an attempt to contain 94 years of life. A tangible grip on the woman I was about to lose. I planned to open the folder, review the contents, and prepare more questions. But I never did. Maybe that's because I knew that what the folder didn't, couldn't contain was what mattered most.
Here are some of the life lessons she taught me.
Love without condition
Grandma was stubborn. There was a right way to make a pot roast and a right way to live. As her first grandchild, I followed the rules — until, at 34, I didn't.
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When I told her I was going to quit my legal career to live in a car and explore the American West, she shook her head and said, "I just don't know what you're going to do after." But soon she let go of any notion she'd had about my life and accepted.
On the day I gave my notice, she emailed me to let me know she'd been thinking of me, and she told me she knew I was doing the right thing. After that, she laughed when I talked about my misadventures. "You sure don't get that from me," she said after every story.
She taught me how, through accepting our differences, we find life's greatest connections and love others without condition.
Be humble
While Grandma may not have chosen to spend time camping or climbing mountains, her frequent statements that she "couldn't do" what I often did came from a place of humility.
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She was one of the most resilient humans I've ever known. She nursed two husbands through cancer, held a family together for over seven decades, and, at 87, refused morphine the night after she had a section of her colon removed in an emergency surgery.
Through example, she taught me great strength is often quiet.
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Laugh often
My always joking grandfather taught me there was nothing better than the sound of Grandma's easy, vibrant laugh.
Whether her grandchildren were teasing her or she was teaching her great-grandchildren how to eat whipped cream straight from the can, she kept laughing, even through the final months of her life.
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She taught me the importance of not taking oneself too seriously.
Always keep moving
Throughout her life, Grandma kept her mind and body moving.
Every morning began with the newspaper's word puzzles. On visits, I'd sip coffee and watch the concentration lines on her face as we talked through the clues that stumped us.
Her days were filled with walking, tending to flowers, doing household chores, and doing water aerobics.
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Stay simple
Grandma and I talked often, especially during her final years. We talked about the moon, the weather, and the ways the world had changed.
While Grandma had adapted to these shifts — she had an iPad and was on social media — she also lamented that technology pulled us from what's essential. "Nowadays, everybody's got a phone, and they're always looking at it," she said.
She refocused me on the simple moments that make a life.
Days before her memorial service, I finally put the "Grandma" folder away, trusting that the lessons from the 41 years we had together were part of me. I trust I'll carry her teachings forward.
