Charles TrepanyUSA TODAY
Are some people immune to narcissists?
Just as some people can't help but attract narcissists, mental health experts say there are certain qualities that turn off narcissists too, almost like repellent.
Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist," says some qualities not only keep narcissists at bay, but also help people heal from narcissistic relationships faster.
"It's almost like a vaccine," she says. "It still messed you up, but you wouldn't get as sick."
Though everyone's vulnerable to narcissists to some degree, mental health experts say anyone can boost their narcissism immune system. Here's how.
Don't give praise or validation easily
Indifference to gloating or bragging is a surefire way to turn off a narcissist, Durvasula says.
This is because narcissists are always on the hunt for attention and validation, something that's known as narcissistic supply; therefore, if a narcissist senses early-on that someone doesn't easily give praise, they're more likely to move on and seek out someone who does.
"If from the beginning you are not giving them a lot of validation − you're not oo-ing and aw-ing and fawning over them − they're probably going to move on to a new target pretty quickly," Durvasula says.
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It may sound simple, but Durvasula warns for empathic people, this is often easier said than done.
"If you're genuinely someone who is warm and interested in what other people have to say, it's hard to turn that off," she says.
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Make your boundaries clear − and stand by them
Narcissists love a challenge, but if they sense someone's boundaries are too impervious to break down, they'll often back off.
"Narcissists will sometimes feel it's not worth the effort if you're very clear with them about your boundaries," says Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse."
According to Sarkis, few things turn off a narcissist more than the word "no."
"Narcissists will work very hard at turning your no into a yes," she says. "Someone that holds firm to their boundaries and continues to say, 'no' − that person is not someone the narcissist wants to engage with."
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Know who you're dealing with
If a narcissist senses you aren't wise to their manipulative tricks, they'll be more likely to target you, says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth."
"The first thing you have to do is recognize who you're in the room with," she says. "What you don't know can and will harm you."
Plus, you don't have to be a psychologist or expert to know when something's off either. Durvasula says trusting your gut is one of the best ways to build narcissism immunity.
"Every single person I've ever known who's been in a narcissistic relationship has said, 'I felt funky by the third or fourth date,' " she says. "Listen to your body. It's smarter than your brain."
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More ways to boost your narcissism immunity
There are other ways to become less attractive to narcissists, too. Here's some of them.
- Find meaning outside of romantic relationships: People who have purpose and a strong social support network outside of their romantic relationships recover more easily from narcissistic abuse than people who don't, Durvasula says.
- Work toward a secure attachment style: If you have a more avoidant or anxious approach to relationships, getting more secure in how you connect to others through therapy will make you less vulnerable to narcissists, Sarkis says.
- Recognize manipulation: People with a strong sense of truth and who know when they're being lied to are less likely to be manipulated by narcissists, Cole says.
- See your relationship from a bird's eye view: Looking at your relationship as if you were a third-party observer can help you see patterns more objectively and, as a result, recognize narcissism. "Observing it gives you more power over it," Cole says.
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