Embarking on the journey of polyamory was, for me, an exploration of love’s limitless potential. The philosophical underpinnings of polyamory — openness, honesty, and the freedom to form intimate connections with multiple people — resonated deeply with my personal beliefs about love and relationships. After my poly relationship “experiment” failed, I rationalized that the main reason polyamory didn’t work for me was the inability to balance the need for privacy in each relationship and the depth of a truly meaningful connection. Looking back now, I can say with certainty that it sure played a role. But it wasn’t the main reason I gave up the poly lifestyle.
I hate to admit this, but polyamory didn’t work for me, mainly because of jealousy.
Jealousy is a multifaceted emotion, a tempestuous blend of insecurity, possessiveness, envy, and fear. While I genuinely believed in my capacity to love multiple people and accepted that my husband could, too, the visceral reaction I felt at the thought of him with someone else was overwhelming. I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to feel it. Yet, whenever he would bring up the topic of other people, my heart would start pounding, my palms — sweating, and my mind…
