Something feels off in your relationship. You don't feel as close as you used to be. You crave more intimacy and connection.
It could be as serious as infidelity. Or, it might just be that the honeymoon phase is over, life is busy and stressful, and you aren’t quite sure how to reconnect and move forward together.
Whatever the issue is, one key solution is to rebuild the intimacy and daily connection that has become weakened.
Intimacy is that special feeling of connection that you have with another person. It encompasses closeness, caring, warmth, and that ineffable feeling you have with only a few special people.
Intimacy is a magical thing when it is working well. There are several specific things that you can do to build and rebuild intimacy in your relationship. Here are seven of them:
1. Connect with Each Other Several Times per Day
In order to rebuild intimacy, you have to make time to be together. A weekend getaway or a longer vacation can be a nice jumpstart. However, it is the daily time that you make for one another that really makes a difference.
Here are some ways to connect throughout the day:
- When you’re together, hug and kiss each other every morning and every night.
- When you’re apart, have a five-minute phone call each morning and each night.
- Send each other thoughtful text messages throughout the day.
- Set a dinner time and have a device-free meal together each day.
- Spend fifteen minutes of every evening just sharing stories about your day
2. Ramp Up Physical Touch
Ideally, you will make time for sex. After all, it’s one of the best ways to connect to your partner. However, there might be some reason that sexual intercourse is limited or off of the table right now.
Whether or not sex is regular, physical touch is important. Find ways to incorporate it into your relationship regularly. Massages, kisses, and holding hands are all ways to rebuilding intimacy.
3. Pretend It’s a First Date
When you have been with someone for a long time, it can feel like you already know everything about them. On one hand, that can enhance feelings of intimacy. On the other hand, it can mean that you forget to pay close attention to one another.
Go out on a dinner date with your partner and pretend that it’s your first date. Ask questions about their past, present, and dreams for the future. Really listen to the responses. Share your own.
4. Try Something New Together
Shake up your old routine and see new sides of one another by participating together in something new. Take a class, try a new hobby, or visit someplace where neither of you has ever been.
Be curious about this new thing. More importantly, share that curiosity with your partner. Furthermore, get curious about their experience. You will learn more about each other. At the same time, you’ll create new memories together.
5. Retell Your Story
You do have a past together. In fact, you have a whole story. First, it begins with how you met. Then it continues through the many things that you have done together. It includes challenges as well as the ways that you overcame those challenges.
Set aside an evening and take turns telling each other your shared story. Come up with a version that you can both agree upon. This “story of us” is a great way to strengthen your bond.
6. Unplug to Connect
Technology can be a great way to connect with people including your partner. However, it is also a big distraction. How many times have you realized that you were barely paying attention to what your partner said because you were swiping through your phone?
Set aside times and spaces in the home that are no-gadget zones. Go analog by playing board games, reading books together, talking, and cuddling.
7. Speak Highly of Each Other
It is all too easy to gripe about our partners. We vent to our friends. We think negative thoughts in our own minds. However, focusing on what we don’t like eats away at intimacy.
In contrast, turning our attention to what we appreciate helps build intimacy. Pay attention to what you say about your partner and about your relationship—including what you say only to yourself. Reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.
It isn’t easy rebuilding intimacy on your own. Make an appointment today to find out how therapy can help your relationship. If you have questions, don't hesitate to contact me.
You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
Related Articles on Relationships
You Can Remove Toxic Criticism From Your Marriage
6 Steps to Realign Your Relationship with Your Values
Making Your Romance Last - Daily Acts of Connection
Jennifer Tzoumas
I hold active licenses for independent practice in Texas and Pennsylvania, and an Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) granted from the PSYPACT Commission, that allows for independent practice in approximately 30 of the 50 United States (check https://www.verifypsypact.org/ to see if your state participates). I have been married for 25 years, and have two teenage daughters. Although I enjoy social gatherings in small doses, I am more of an introvert (I prefer working one-on-one, or in small groups). Outside the office, I consider myself an avid reader, recreational runner/weight lifter, and part-time gardener. I am active in my church and enjoy watching my daughters in their activities (dance, TaeKwonDo, and marching band).
View all posts
