Reputations, Respect, Courtesy (2024)

I've been reading a lot on LinkedIn lately about how people are being threatened with having their reputation ruined. Now, I was raised on certain old school values that I think are always valuable. Specifically, that’s of showing proper respect or courtesy. Notice I say "proper". I'll get to that later, but it is a very important word in that sentence. These values are the core of who I am, and really, who anybody is. It is because of that fact, that I like to laugh at people who try to bully me around by threatening my reputation. Here is why.

Let’s start with reputations. What is a reputation? It’s the sum knowledge of how and who you are according to others. In a way, it’s how others define and relate to you. You can have good, bad and neutral reputations. You can have a reputation for doing odd, but harmless things. You can have a reputation for always telling the truth, no matter how hard it may be. You could have a reputation for avoiding conflict no matter what. Whatever your reputation, it is what people notice about you. And here is the most important aspect of reputations that a lot of people forget: EVERYONE HAS ONE. Your reputation is built day by day, choice by choice, action by action. It does not define you, but your actions do define it. The actions and choices that others see, that is your reputation. Whether you want one or not, you have one. But and here is the real kicker of reputations, only YOU can supply the material your reputation is made of. NOBODY else can supply a reputation for you. Not a real one at any rate. But those people who would try to either ruin your reputation, or just plain provide a completely false one, will most likely have reputations of their own for doing as much. Therefore, any information they'd provide would be suspect to those who have a good reputation. This is why I laugh whenever someone has tried to hurt my reputation. My usual reply is "Go ahead and try it. We'll see what happens." They forget that they too have a reputation, most likely a reputation for spreading false information and that continuing to spread that information will only hurt themselves. It’s kind of like having the school bully threaten to punch himself in the face to hurt you. It's just not something a respectable and respectful person does, and with that, we can move onto the next subject of this article: respect.

Respect is a bit different from reputation, since respect can be both internal and external at the same time, while reputations are entirely external. Internal respect is how you feel about yourself. Your thoughts, feelings and choices. External respect is shown by you treat others. You may note I disagree with people who say that respect should be entirely internal. That is because your actions also show you much you respect yourself. Do you limit yourself to a single drink to help you relax at the end of a long workweek, or do you keep going until you're completely drunk and unable to properly control yourself? Notice how your respect connects to your reputation through your actions? So, people can tell how respectful you are through your reputation. It is through your reputation, and how much you respect yourself, that others determine how much respect to give you. Remember when I said to remember the word "proper" in the opening paragraph? That is how you know how to show proper respect to others, by their reputation and how they act. What this also means is that the proper amount of respect for an individual can change as that person's reputation changes and as that individual's choices dictate. Note that it is the "individual's" choices that dictate the respect he or she gets. It is not even possible to directly change the amount of proper respect a person should receive through outside influence. It is entirely internal. Now how you show respect is entirely dependent on cultural norms, which I won't be getting into. Just know that your reputation is dependents on your level of respect for yourself.

But what if you're meeting a person whose reputation is unknown or suspect? That’s where courtesy comes in. Often referred to as "common courtesy", it’s really just being polite until a reputation is established. Think of it as showing neutral respect. You respect them for being a person and existing but that’s about it. Essential, that person is starting out with a neutral reputation. Their actions after that moment then determine whether that reputation becomes a positive one, or a negative one. It really is that simple. Again, how you show courtesy is dependent on culture, so I won't be going into individual acts of courtesy. But such things as holding an elevator, opening a door, saying "excuse me" are some examples of universal courtesy that most people practice.

So, in the end, your reputation is NOT dependent on others, but on the way your show respect for yourself and others. Show the proper amount of respect to others based on their reputations. Do not fear those who threaten to alter your reputation, because they’re only able to affect their own reputations with the sharing of false or misleading information. So, the next time someone threatens to hurt your reputation, feel free to laugh in his face, because those kinds of people are really only threatening to harm themselves.

I look forward to reading and responding to any comments.