She’s not into you: 10 subtle ways she shows her lack of interest (2024)

You’ve been on a few dates, things are going swimmingly… but you just can’t shake the feeling she’s not as into you as you are her. Or things were going fantastically, but now they’re not and you’re wondering how do you know someone is not into you anymore? The easiest solution would be to just ask, but such conversations aren’t always easy. Let’s look at 10 signs she’s not into you, and ways to handle each.

1. She doesn’t want to spend time with you

She’s busy when you have plans and, when you do manage to meet up, there’s often somewhere she has to be soon. She’ll cancel plans and make no real effort to reschedule. If she really was interested, she’d make it happen. If she’s not moving heaven and earth to spend time with you, odds are she’s not into you.

How to deal: Put the ball in her court for choosing the date and time of your next date. If she wants to be with you, she will.

2. She actively avoids touching you

People often use touch to indicate interest and will ‘innocently’ brush your arm as they pass, or place a hand on your arm during conversation. They’ll also try to be close enough that you can touch in return. If that’s not happening – or if she was touching you before but isn’t now – it’s one of the signs she isn’t interested.

How to deal: Let her decide the level of intimacy and back off any touching you were doing.

3. She’s not interested in what you have to say

How do you tell if a girl is not into you? She doesn’t think what you have to say is worth listening to. People often feel more connected to people they have things in common with and, sometimes, those commonalities can be the foundation of a deeper relationship. However, if her eyes are glazing over or she’s just making random sounds of agreement rather than being actively engaged, it may be she’s not into you.

How to deal: It’s possible the problem is the topic, or that you’re accidentally monopolizing the conversation. Quiet down and let her talk instead.

4. Her body language is saying a lot, none of it good

Even if she’s being diplomatic out loud, you can still catch signs she’s not interested by how she moves around you. Does she not make eye contact often? Does she lean away rather than towards you? Is her posture closed off rather than open and relaxed? She might just be having a bad day, but they might also be signs she doesn’t want a relationship with you.

How to deal: Keep your own body language open and relaxed, there’s a chance she might mirror it.

5. She’s an unenthusiastic texter

If you’re asking yourself, ‘how do I know when she’s losing interest?’ look at how she texts. Are you always the one to send the first text? Does she takes a while to reply when before it was practically instant? Or she keeps any texts short and to the point when before you could talk for hours? It’s a pretty good sign she’s not into you.

How to deal: Resist the urge to blow up her phone. Instead, ask if there’s another way she’d prefer to communicate, or times that work better for her.

6. She only contacts you when she needs something

The only time the phone lights up is when she needs a favor, or she’s bored. Otherwise, she’s too busy to hang out or even reply to your messages. While all of us have busy times in our lives, if she only pops up when it’s convenient and never when you want her to, she isn’t as into you as you think.

How to deal: She may actually be busy so decide what your boundaries are and how long you’re willing to let this go before calling her on it.

7. She doesn’t introduce you to friends or family

For many women, friends and family trump the men in their lives a lot of the time, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Which is why, if you’re looking for signs your date is not into you, consider if you’ve met her family or friends. If she dismisses the idea out of hand, it might be a sign she’s not into you.

How to deal: Not everyone is lucky in their families so this isn’t a red flag on its town. Don’t push her but do indicate your readiness to meet the people she loves.

8. It’s all about sex

If she’s happy to meet up for sex or have raunchy text conversations, but shies away from more traditional dates, it’s possible that she’s only into you for your body.

How to deal: Clear the air so you’re both on the same page regarding what kind of relationship you have.

9. Doing things for her doesn’t get the reaction you’d expect

Let’s be perfectly clear – doing nice things doesn’t guarantee you her affection and that shouldn’t be your goal. That’s called entitlement. But take a careful look at how she reacts when you compliment her, buy her things, or do something for her – if her reaction is an awkward thank you and a forced smile, the odds are it’s not secret nerves – she’s not into you.

How to deal: Dial down the attention until you’re surer of how she feels about you.

10. She drops plenty of hints

Does she mention other men she knows? Talks all the time about how work is so busy or wonder how anyone has time for a relationship? These are her not-so-subtle ways of telling you she’s not into you.

How to deal: Take the hint. She’s trying to avoid the awkwardness of an actual rejection, so don’t force her into one.

Every beginning starts with an ending

It’s never easy when she doesn’t feel the same way, but remember these things happen – there are over seven billion people in the world and not all of us are compatible. And while you shouldn’t give up at the first sign of difficulty, if it turns out that she’s not into you try to accept it and move on. That’s where eharmony can help – our matching system finds people you’re compatible with, increasing your odds of finding someone right from the very beginning. Sign up with eharmony and get started on the path to an authentic relationship today.