Should I Get Back With My Ex? What to Consider Before You Reconsider (2024)

Thinking about getting back together with an ex-flame? Let's pump the brakes before making any big decisions. That partner who dumped you could still be the same person. The reasons you broke up with them may still hold true. Or we may simply be thinking about reconciling for the wrong reasons.

Why We May Feel This Way

After we experience a relationship breakup, we probably feel disappointed, sad, and in emotional pain. We might even become depressed.

As time passes, we likely find ways to get over that person and finally accept it wasn’t working. Or we realize both people need to want the relationship.

Despite those reasons, you may be second-guessing yourself. It’s possible you think you’re still in love with your ex and are ruminating over the breakup. Maybe you were reminded of the happy times you spent together and reminisced by scrolling through photos on your phone. You saw your ex, remembered the fun times, and now see the relationship through rose-colored glasses.

Also, If you still find your ex very attractive and believe they're looking better than ever, that could play into your desire to be with that person.

4 Reasons Why Reuniting Might Be a Mistake

Couples split up for a reason. Some people confuse missing someone with wanting to get back together. Here are four red flags that tell us rekindling our romance could be a bad idea.

Loss of Trust

Let’s say your ex cheated and you forgave them. Forgiveness allows the person forgiving to move forward. But because you remained suspicious even after the incident and never trusted your ex again, you grew apart. You couldn’t share your own worries or fears; you couldn’t open up and be vulnerable with them.

While couples can rebuild trust in their relationships, true intimacy needs trust as its foundation. You want to be with a partner who is empathetic, someone you trust who also trusts you.

Problems With Communication

Communication fosters connection. If your ex brushed things under the rug, avoided difficult conversations or became aggressive and yelled, recognize that you deserve a partner who cares about you and communicates respectfully.

If you or your ex-partner have not become better communicators, these problems can just as easily impact a rekindled relationship.

Confusion Between Lust and Love

If it’s hard to distinguish the difference between lust and love, just think back a moment: Do your memories of your times together revolve around amazing sex?

• Sexual chemistry is about physical attraction and not necessarily about a close emotional connection.
• Intimate sex, however, does combine sexual desire and sexual experiences with a deep, enduring bond.

While it might seem impossible to define love, it is possible. Love can be characterized as a caring, devoted, and deep emotional attachment. Scientists have gone one step further.

Conducting a substantially large intercultural survey in a recent study across 25 countries, scientific analysis evidence showed that three key components of love characterize romantic relationships: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Lack of Friendship

A good friend accepts us for who we are. They offer affection and trust. Friends enjoy being together. If you didn’t have a friendship with your ex, something important was missing.

According to The Gottman Institute, friendship is key to the vitality of a long-term relationship. Though the movies usually depict strangers falling in love, according to scientific research revealed in a 2022 study, most couples begin as friends.

Research published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, comprised of four different studies on relationship initiation, found that two-thirds of people began romantic relationships first as long-term friends. LGBTQ+ participants had even higher rates of friends-first beginnings than those in heterosexual relationships. However, the sample of LGBTQ+ participants was also smaller in these studies.

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

For those who grew up in dysfunctional families or with domestic abuse, being with someone who doesn’t treat you right might feel familiar.

Gaslighting, stalking, bullying, not respecting your personal space, and even talking about their previous relationships in a derogatory manner can be warning signs that a partner is abusive.

Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself about your previous relationship. Take a moment to sit down and answer each question truthfully.

You deserve to be in a healthy relationship that consists of trust, affection, good communication, and intimacy. If you’re not dating anyone or feeling nostalgic for the good times with your ex, take some time for yourself. You might not actually want to get back with your ex. Maybe you’re just feeling lonely.

There are ways to stay inspired after heartbreak. Give yourself compassion, remember ways you can make yourself happy, return to your hobbies and passions, and look ahead to a wonderful future.