I am a huge advocate for silence.
In teaching meditation and restorative practices, I know that transformation happens when we are still: we let ourselves move from doing to being, and we make space. Practicing (cultivating) silence helps us be more grounded, mindful, and present. That space (breaks in conversation, lack of background noise, time for reflection) is important to maintaining well-being, healthy relationships, and more.
However, this practice of silence is not the end-goal in all spaces. In many spaces, we actually need to be speaking up more - like when we need to express a boundary or speak out against an injustice we are witnessing.
We’re so used to noise and often contribute to it, and yet when there’s something important to say, we can choke up (usually from fear of some sort of repercussion).
So, as with anything in life, we have to find the balance of doing and being - speaking and listening - thinking and acting.
Which to choose, speaking up or embracing silence, often relies upon the situation at hand and your proximity to power there (proximity to power meaning the ways you may systemically have power over others, such as we being white instead of BIPOC, straight instead of queer, wealthy instead of in poverty, housed instead of houseless, mentally well as opposed to mentally ill, etc.).
Especially if you have privilege (i.e. you are white, you are a man) it is VITAL for you to
Use your voice and speak for those who may not have the same access as you, when in spaces where you do have that access and your voice is listened to more than others’ voices (think of this as using your seat of power for good).
Remain silent in spaces where someone with less privilege and/or more experience with the subject matter should be the one to contribute (think of this as offering up your seat of power to someone who should’ve had a seat of their own).
Sometimes we see injustices taking place in the world, at our workplace, in the grocery store and we think to ourselves “wow that’s horrible, I can’t believe this person is doing/ saying that” - but then we don’t actually say anything to them. In this case, silence is not facilitating transformation or reflection, it’s inadvertently condoning the unjust behavior. (There is of course nuance here as with anything else - please, especially BIPOC, don’t put yourself in dangerous situations.)
We think if we’re not the ones acting or creating the violence, then we aren’t accountable - but not speaking up / calling someone out / standing up for what’s right is just as harmful and sometimes worse. It is silence and ‘moderate’ views that perpetuate the status quo (harmful system/society/culture) just as much as it is the harmful extremist views.
“I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to ‘order’ than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice” - Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 16 April 1963
We don’t speak up out of fear. It’s a tool used by oppressing forces to keep the current systems of power in place. If the decision makers and the privileged can never be challenged, then change will never happen.
As a woman of color there have been many times in my life where I have been silent in the face of oppression. I used to sit silently if friends or family members made racist or sexist remarks because I was too scared to confront them. I didn’t want to ruffle feathers. I was taught that it was my responsibility to make sure things stay peaceful. But how can we have peace when violent and divisive words are being carelessly used? There is no peace when there is active harm being done (from microaggression all the way to hate crime).
Anti-Racism Relies on ACTIVE-ism. It’s impossible to be passively anti-racist.
In 2020 I committed to doing more work to becoming anti-racist. As a brown person, I simultaneously have to navigate being not white and not Black. That is, I have some privilege but I’m still a minority. I have close proximity to power in some ways and not in others. It’s ingrained as an Asian American to seek proximity to whiteness so that I can have doors open for me, and unfortunately that has unconsciously pitted me against Black folks. So I have to do the work to unlearn my racism while processing the ways in which racism towards me has impacted me - it’s a lot.
So beyond committing to education (intellectually understanding a probem and how it works), we must commit to action - like using our voices more. BE anti-racist instead of THINK anti-racist. In this way I can shift from silent learning to speaking out and active-ism.
We can read all the anti-racist books in the world and if you don’t actually use your privilege, again especially if you’re white, we’re not actually going to create actual change. The world can feel big and it’s easy to feel small. Like you saying something to your uncle at the dinner table, or to your colleague, or if you call someone out on social media (not advocating for trolling here) that it won’t make a difference. But it does. And even when you can’t change the mind of one racist person, you’ve contributed to building a new culture where it’s less acceptable for that racist person’s views.
Our words are vibrations.
When we use our voices to speak the intention of real equity into the world, that’s how we can actually create positive change.
Silence is important. It’s restorative. It’s reflective. It’s educational. It’s grounding. It’s necessary. But our voices are important too - especially in spaces where we have a seat of power and others do not. Our voices, when used mindfully (not simply contributing to chatter), can be proponents of peace and disruptors of harm.
There’s no one rule for when to be silent and when to speak up - but if you take the time to reflect on your various proximities to power, you begin to learn what spaces could use your voice, and what spaces could use your silence for good.
As with anything else we talk about here at Technically Spiritual, it’s a practice. Practice!
P.S. You can listen to the podcast version of this blog here!
