What is stress?
According to the American Psychological Association, stress is “the physiological or psychological response to internal or external stressors”. Put more simply, stress is our body and mind’s response to pressure. It’s a natural response that has evolved to help us cope with threats and challenges in our lives. For example, it helps us respond quickly to dangerous situations by triggering our fight, flight or freeze response. It can also help us prepare for meaningful challenges, like taking an exam or doing a job interview. In these situations, the hormones underlying our stress response will quickly return to normal once the threat or event is over. However, when the stress is long-lasting, keeps coming back or is very intense, the hormones can stay elevated for long periods of time which can cause adverse effects on our physical and mental health.
What causes stress?
In theory, pretty much anything can cause someone stress. Whether something is perceived as stressful is unique to each individual and will depend on a variety of factors, including their life experiences, how capable they feel in managing the stressor (self-efficacy) and the extent to which they feel in control of the outcome (locus of control). Having said that, some things are more common stressors than others and these can be separated into two broad categories: internal stressors (sources of stress within us) and external stressors (sources of stress around us).
Before you go any further, take a moment to reflect on what causes you stress (maybe even create a list of your internal and external stressors). Getting to know your sources of stress is the first step in doing something about them. Then you can use the strategies below to reduce stress where possible and cope with stress more effectively.
The four A’s of stress management
There are four main ways that we can respond to our stressors:
1) Avoid the stressor
When possible, try to avoid unnecessary stressors that don’t add value to your life. Some ways of doing this are by saying “no”, delegating, avoiding or limiting people who bother you, taking charge of your environment (e.g. turning off your phone, putting a do not disturb sign on or leaving earlier for work to avoid rush hour) and prioritising. Sometimes stating your boundaries or good time management are all you need to avoid needless stress, such as last-minute all-nighters or squeezing in a draining social commitment.
2) Alter the stressor
If it’s not possible to avoid the stressor or you don’t want to because it’s important to you, try to alter it by managing your time and schedule more effectively (e.g. batch similar tasks together, assigning time limits to tasks and taking regular breaks), communicating your needs and feelings rather than bottling them up, respectfully asking someone to change their behaviour, negotiating alternatives, stating limits in advance and being willing to compromise. For example, if you have an upcoming deadline that is causing you stress, you could talk to your boss: “I’m feeling overwhelmed by this deadline, is there something we can do to make this more manageable, like getting some extra help or extending the deadline?”. While the stressor (the project deadline) doesn’t go away, you’ve altered the situation so that it’s more doable.
3) Adapt to the stressor
Adapt to stressors that you can’t avoid or alter by changing how you approach them. For example, by adjusting your standards (aiming for good enough rather than perfect), reframing the situation as an opportunity rather than an obstacle, creating a list of strengths and resources (how did you cope with similar stresses in the past? who can you turn to for support?) and developing strategies to cope with stress, such as diaphragmatic breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.
4) Accept the stressor
Lastly, practising acceptance can make uncontrollable stressors more manageable as it’s often our reactions and resistance to stressors that cause the bulk of our suffering. By not trying to control or change the uncontrollable, we can let the stressor be and focus our attention, time and energy on things that matter to us. From there we can choose how we want to act within this reality (rather than trying to change the reality itself). Some examples of purposeful actions during times of unchangeable stress include practising self-care, talking to a friend or journaling. I find that it can also be helpful to remember that most things are temporary and that how we feel about the stressor will pass.
Now that you know about the four different ways of managing stress, the last step is knowing how to apply them. While there’s no hard and fast rule, I find that it’s helpful to think about how important the stressor is to me and the extent to which it’s in my control (this approach was inspired by the Eisenhower matrix for task management).
When you’re in control of the stressor, you can avoid it (if it’s not important) or try to alter it (if it is important).
When you’re not in control of the stressor, you can again try to avoid it (if it’s not important) or change your response by adapting and accepting it (if it is important and/or unavoidable).
