The Narcissist's Greatest Weakness: Hint. It's not what you think. (2024)

At some point in our lives there is no doubt that we have encountered an individual who fits the persona of the charming, self-absorbed narcissist.

As you waltz into a room filled with people, in the prescence of the narcissist, there is an air of silence — as if they are royalty. Heads turn, people come over to greet the narcissist with open arms. Their charmed instantly switched on as they meet and greet, making each person they come into contact with feel more special than the next.

But as you spend your hours with the narcissist, you notice that you are significantly left behind. From feeling like the most important person in the world to them, to becoming the most forgotten as they make their way through the crowd to relish every moment of attention and personal validation.

Spinning the most amazing stories to friends and acquaintances, he begins to recount his most grand achievements. He then goes on to express to everyone how lucky you are to have him in your life, because of how he saved you. What an amazing boyfriend he must be, to help you at your lowest moment. He really is so amazing.

Although you give so much of your time and energy to the narcissist (whether they be family, spouse, friend or colleague), it will never be enough for the attention-seeking narcissist. The one who craves to be the ‘Belle at the Ball”, to be recognised, known and respected.

So while they display a demeanor of unwavering confidence and charisma externally, behind their eyes is a person who is highly insecure about themselves, their greatest weakness is their ego.

So let’s explore that a bit. What really is Ego, and when does it become a problem?

Ego is the self. The “ego” is a term from psychology, particularly in Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory. It refers to the conscious, rational part of the mind that mediates between the unconscious (where instincts and memories reside) and the external world.

It’s good to have some ego, because of course focusing on yourself in a healthy way promotes positive personal development and self-growth.

However, when it becomes a problem is when there is too much Ego. Such as:

• Being right all the time, and unable to accept anyone else’s opinion
• When you have a distorted or unrealistic view of yourself
• Always having to be number one, or the best at everything
• You won’t back down from an argument until you win
• When it controls you from a negative point of view

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The narcissist’s ego is much like the ego that Eckhart Tolle talks about, needing to be fed in order to maintain its grandeur. They will seek constantly admiration from others, even those they don’t know, for a chance to be recognised. Their thirst for validation can lead them down a dangerous path of overestimating their own ego, believing their overinflated sense of self that blinds them from making mistakes.

A narcissist’s ego is built upon fragile foundations, where the slightest bit of rejection or criticism threatens the narcissist’s self. One of their most significant weaknesses is their inability to sustain a genuine emotional connection. Their inability to display genuine empathy, means that they will struggle to connect to people from an emotional level. They will say that they have meaningful bonds, however those will never progress beyond surface level.

Eventually when the relationship or friendship does break down, for the narcissist, they will be left feeling isolated and alone. Desperate for the external validation from others, they will seek it from those that do not know them (such as you will see those who seek validity from likes and comments on social media).

You may find narcissists like that also going back to “old supply” or friends that they used to be in contact with, in the hope that they will feel validation. They may use the “old supply” to feel better about themselves, complaining to them how awful you were, and how you used and threw them aside when they were no longer needed.

Understanding how a narcissist’s ego plays a big role in abuse helps us see things clearly. By being kind yet firm in these relationships, we protect ourselves. Remember, the goal isn’t to beat the narcissist, but to take charge and have healthier interactions. With knowledge and strength, we as survivors of this kind of abuse can start to heal and move forward.

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