Tips for being present, not perfect this holiday season (2024)

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Theholidays are a time of celebration, filled with family gatherings, gift givingand good cheer, but for many people, they also are a time of stress andseemingly never-ending to-do lists.

Accordingto a survey by the American PsychologicalAssociation,38 percent of people said their stress level increases during the holidays.

Tohelp ward off the stress of the season, Devereux Center for Resilient Children (DCRC) Early ChildhoodSpecialist and National Trainer NefertitiB. Poyner, Ed.D., offers tips for families to slow down and focus on beingpresent, not perfect.

Tip #1: Avoidcomparing yourself to others

The holidays often come with the added pressure of being a modelhost, displaying Pinterest-worthy decorations and purchasing extravagant gifts.Instead of comparing yourself to others – or what you may see on TV or socialmedia – measure yourself against your own progress.

“The only person you should be trying to be is the person you seein the mirror every day,” said Poyner. “Instead of setting unrealisticexpectations for yourself, aim for concrete, achievable goals that are uniqueand specific to you. If you know you cannot cook a turkey, volunteer to whip upa scrumptious side dish for your family’s feast. If you do not have the time,energy or funds to make your house look like the set of a holiday movie, put upjust a few of your favorite decorations. Know your strengths and build uponthem to nurture your own resilience.”

Tip #2: Emphasizepresence over presents

People – not presents – are what make the holiday season special.Do not underestimate the importance of forming simple, yet meaningful connectionswith those around you, over more tangible items, such as gifts.

“The holidays are all about being with the ones you love,” Poynerexplained. “You do not need to have a basketball team-sized group of friends –it is the quality of our relationships that matter, not the quantity. Laughingand spending time with those we care about gives us peace of mind. Theseconnections are more valuable than any present we will ever receive.”

Tip #3: Recognizeyour mental health needs

For those coping with grief, loss or mental health challenges, theholidays may not feel like the most wonderful time of the year. Sometimes, inorder to be fully present, we need to know when to take a break from theholiday hustle and bustle.

“There is strength in being able to admit when you arestruggling,” Poyner noted. “If you need to bow out early or skip a dinner partyaltogether because you are feeling sad or overwhelmed – it is OK. Tweak yourtraditions to make them work in your favor. Whether that means having someoneelse host an event or limiting the number of holiday happenings you attend – dowhat you can with the energy you possess.”

Tip #4: Ask forhelp

A little help can go a long way – especially during the holidays.If you need assistance tackling your to-do list – do not hesitate to ask afamily member or friend to lend a helping hand.

“We all need a little help sometimes,” Poyner shared. “Even whenwe try not to be overambitious, we may still find ourselves with too much to doand too little time. Need assistance decking the halls? Involve your childrenin the decorating process – they can even help craft their own holidaycreations. Want to try a new recipe? Ask a family member or friend for cookingtips. On the same token, if you notice someone else struggling – be there tooffer your support.”

Tip #5: Practiceself-compassion

We are often our own worst critics. This holiday season, make sureto change any negatives – when speaking about yourself – by embracingself-compassion.

“Talk to yourself as you would your best friend. Ultimately, weshould all strive to be our own best friend,” Poyner said. “If the turkey getsburned, say, ‘It’s OK. I can get takeout.’ If you have a negative thought,acknowledge that you are being hard on yourself, and do your best to regroup.Be kinder and more patient with yourself – words matter.”

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