What is financial infidelity? And what should you do about it? (2024)

Dear Liz: My sister is married to a man who is considerably older. They’ve been married for eight years. He has cancer and the outlook isn’t good, but he refuses to discuss their financial status. As a result, she has no idea what’s going on. How can she force him to tell her their financial situation? They aren’t getting divorced, and every article I’ve read only addresses financial disclosure in divorce cases. I will probably be the one helping her figure this out after he passes away.

Answer: Refusing to discuss the details of shared finances is at best a form of financial infidelity. A recent NerdWallet survey conducted by the Harris Poll found that many Americans aren’t sharing financial secrets with loved ones, including their income, credit card debt and how much they’ve spent on a purchase.

But at worst, it can be a sign of abuse. If he’s controlling or abusive in other ways, her physical safety may be at risk. Encourage her to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233, which can help her assess her situation and connect her to resources that can help.

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Even if she doesn’t plan to divorce, a consultation with a divorce attorney could still help. The attorney could suggest ways to piece together some of the details of their financial life and advise her about state laws regarding shared responsibility for any debts.

Business

Why debt settlement companies are the wrong way to deal with high credit card debt

Most people who struggle with credit card debt would be better off filing bankruptcy or using a credit counseling service’s debt management program.

Dec. 3, 2023

Should you close a credit card?

Dear Liz: You recently wrote about how closing credit cards can hurt your credit scores. I’m wondering what impact closing a business credit card would have on my personal credit score.

For many years I have been working in the film industry under contracts with my personal services loan-out company. My company has two credit cards, including a travel rewards card with a hefty annual fee. This card has been useful to me because my job involved a lot of international travel. But as I’m now nearing retirement and traveling less, I’m considering closing that account. Will closing the card affect my personal credit scores?

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Answer: The answer lies in your credit reports, which you can view for free at AnnualCreditReport.com. (Type that address into your browser rather than searching for it, because the top results are likely to be sites that want to charge you for credit monitoring. If you’re asked for a credit card, you’re on the wrong site.)

Typically, business cards don’t show up on personal credit reports and thus won’t affect your credit scores. But check to make sure.

Before you actually call to close the card, however, you should know that the company probably will want to keep your business. You may be offered a hefty wad of rewards points as an incentive to keep the account open. The points could be worth enough to offset some or even all of the annual fee.

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Also, review all of the benefits the card offers. Many premium cards offer various credits to offset the fee, and not all of them are related to travel. Even if those aren’t enough to entice you to keep the card, you may want to use the credits before shuttering the account for good.

You also may have the option to swap your card for one with a lower annual fee, something known as a “product change,” so you’ll also want to investigate whether one of the issuer’s other cards might be a better fit.

Business

Married more than once? Here’s what that means for Social Security survivor benefits

Your current and former spouses could be eligible for Social Security benefits, subject to certain requirements.

Oct. 29, 2023

Social Security survivor benefits

Dear Liz: I am trying to understand the Social Security survivor benefit. I delayed starting to receive my benefits until I reached age 70. My wife just started receiving benefits at 66 and 10 months. Upon my passing, will she receive my benefit at full retirement age, plus the 8% annual delayed retirement credit plus the annual cost of living increases?

Answer: Assuming your benefit is larger than hers, then yes — her survivor benefit would be the amount you were getting at your death. The survivor gets the larger of the two checks a couple was receiving, and the other benefit goes away.

Liz Weston, Certified Financial Planner®, is a personal finance columnist for NerdWallet. Questions may be sent to her at 3940 Laurel Canyon, No. 238, Studio City, CA 91604, or by using the “Contact” form at asklizweston.com.

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What is financial infidelity? And what should you do about it? (2024)

FAQs

What is financial infidelity? And what should you do about it? ›

Financial infidelity happens when one or both partners aren't honest about their financial situation or actively hide their financial issues. This may look like making financial decisions in secrecy or not being fully transparent about how much one is spending.

What is a financial infidelity? ›

Financial infidelity happens when you or your spouse intentionally lie about money. When you deliberately choose not to tell the truth about your spending habits (no matter how big or small), that is financial infidelity.

How do you respond to financial infidelity? ›

Ultimately, you must forgive the financially unfaithful spouse to move on. While you may not be able to undo what has happened, you can exercise some control over the future. Your focus needs to be on how to move forward together and achieve mutual goals.

How to prove financial infidelity? ›

Signs of financial infidelity include:
  1. Secret Accounts: Discovering bank or credit card accounts that you were unaware of is a red flag for financial infidelity.
  2. Unexplained Withdrawals or Expenses: Regular, unexplained withdrawals from your bank accounts or charges on credit cards can indicate hidden spending.

Is financial infidelity a deal breaker? ›

Financial infidelity involves hiding savings, debts, and spending from your partner. Keeping money-related secrets in relationships is the number-one financial deal breaker.

Can you sue your spouse for financial infidelity? ›

While you can't usually sue directly for financial infidelity, divorce and marital property laws offer ways to deal with the financial consequences of such actions. The legal system aims to provide remedies for the economic damage caused by financial infidelity within the context of ending the marriage.

What does the Bible say about financial infidelity? ›

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) encourages us to "Speak the truth in love." This is not always easy, but your spouse must know that you know. You must confront them about their actions. Express your feelings and concerns about the financial deception.

How to deal with a spouse who lies about money? ›

Create an Open Dialogue

Don't bury your head in the sand. It's time to have a difficult and serious talk about your finances with your spouse or partner. Tell them about any feelings you have about lying or being lied to about your finances.

How to come clean about financial infidelity? ›

How to Recover from Financial Infidelity
  1. 6 practical ways you can address financial infidelity in your relationship: ...
  2. Acknowledge what's been compromised. ...
  3. Be honest and come clean. ...
  4. Understand your own value system around finances. ...
  5. Examine your relationship. ...
  6. Listen without judgement. ...
  7. Strive for transparency.

Can a relationship survive financial infidelity? ›

Like sexual or emotional cheating, financial infidelity can sink a relationship. But if each partner is willing to put in the work, they can often heal—as well as resolve the underlying issues that paved the way for it in the first place.

What are the red flags of financial infidelity? ›

Hiding bank statements, credit card bills, or receipts is a major red flag in any relationship. If you notice your partner tucking away financial documents or insisting on handling all the mail and not letting you see it even if you ask, it's time to have a conversation.

What is the best predictor of infidelity? ›

A new study used a machine-learning algorithm to determine what does (and doesn't) predict infidelity. Demographic and personality factors were inconsistent predictors; relationship factors were much stronger. Low sexual and relationship satisfaction, high sexual desire, and lack of love are the most robust predictors.

Should you divorce over financial infidelity? ›

While financial infidelity is not an official ground for divorce, deceitful behaviors can have legal implications in proceedings: Division of Property — Hiding assets or debts skews division. For example, if your spouse secretly amassed $100,000 in stock investments, you likely have a claim to half.

Is financial infidelity as bad as cheating? ›

More than a quarter of these adults, or 28%, believe that keeping financial secrets from a partner is as bad as physically cheating, with 7% saying it's worse than a physical affair.

Should you forgive financial infidelity? ›

If you want the relationship to work out, you're going to have to forgive and move on,” Harzog says. “That's hard when you have been betrayed, but if you want to save your relationship, you will have to take some steps to do so.”

Can you go to jail for financial infidelity? ›

IS FINANCIAL INFIDELITY A CRIME? Financial infidelity is not a crime, but it is a serious breach of trust within a marriage. However, associated behaviors like fraud or theft may be considered illegal, and legal action can be taken to protect your interests.

What is legally considered infidelity? ›

It is “conduct which destroys the marital relationship.” In other words, it's behavior that breaks up a marriage by having an affair or sexual relations with someone else while married to another person. If you have evidence of adultery, it can be a factor in California divorce.

How common is financial infidelity? ›

It's called "financial infidelity," and 42% of people admit to it.

What is financial infidelity psychology today? ›

Financial infidelity in a marriage can cause issues with mental health for both spouses. Keeping money secrets from a spouse can cause physical symptoms for the one doing the concealing. Those who've committed financial infidelity can take steps toward ending the behavior and restoring trust.

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