Thinking "I don't trust anyone" strongly suggests that trust issues may be present. Sometimes people use this phrase to indicate a lack of trust for people they don't know well. In other cases, the use of this phrase could suggest a more serious difficulty in trusting anyone at all.
Here we discuss what it means when we don't trust others, what causes this feeling, and the impact of trusting nobody at all. We also share a few steps that can be taken to develop more trusting relationships.
At a Glance
Trusting others requires vulnerability on our part, which some struggle with. Negative past experiences can lead to trouble with trust, which can harm our friendships and romantic relationships. If trust is an issue, there are steps we can take to start learning to trust. A mental health professional can also help by teaching us how to form healthy relationships.
What It Means to Not Trust Anyone
When we trust someone, it means that we believe they are dependable, reliable, and honest. A certain amount of trust is necessary for relationships. But trusting other people is not always easy, and the closer the relationship is, the harder it can be because it requires that we reveal ourselves to the other person.
This can be a big ask, and not everyone is prepared or willing to accept the risk of making themselves vulnerable. They may struggle with believing that others will live up to their expectations or act with good intentions, thus reducing their desire to share their true selves.
In some cases, a lack of trust is less about the other person and more about people in general. Generalized trust involves our ability to trust other members of society. So, a lack of generalized trust involves not being able to trust anyone at all.
This type of trust plays an important part in social functioning and creating a sense of community. Research has found that it also has positive individual benefits, including greater happiness and health.
Signs of a Lack of Trust
Someone with a lack of trust will generally:
- Question people's intentions regularly
- Frequently assume the worst about others
- Assume that others will let them down
- Distance themselves from others to avoid disappointment
- Have a hard time asking other people for help
Recognizing these qualities in ourselves suggests that we may struggle with trust.
How to See Vulnerability as a Strength, Not a Weakness
Reasons We Don't Trust People
Research suggests that a lack of trust is often caused by social experiences. Relationships with family members and peers, for example, give us opportunities to trust and depend on the people close to us.
When these people aren't trustworthy, or if we have an experience where our trust is repeatedly broken, we may end up feeling like the people around us are fundamentally unreliable.
According to the social learning perspective, people continually adjust their degree of social trust based on their experiences and interactions. This means that, in addition to early learning experiences as a child, the events of our lives continue to impact how much we trust others. Here are some of the reasons we might have a hard time trusting anyone.
Early Childhood Experiences
Trust starts to form in the earliest days of life as infants discover whether they can rely on their parents and others' care. Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson called this phase of life the trust vs. mistrust stage, and he believed that it plays a pivotal role in setting the course of future development.
People who grow up with supportive, trustworthy family members and friends may be more likely to trust others in adulthood than people who didn't have trusting relationships early on.
Important people in our lives can affect our trust levels later in life. If we trust the people around us and they reciprocate that trust, we'll grow closer to them. However, if that trust is broken, we may find ourselves trusting others less in the future.
Bullying or Rejection
Throughout our lives, our interpersonal and social experiences affect the trust we place in others. Being bullied or experiencing social rejection as a child can both contribute to trust issues. If those around us repeatedly hurt us, it may be difficult to trust anyone as an adult because of the fear that we'll be hurt again.
Negative Relationship Experiences
Unhealthy romantic relationships can also make it tough to trust people. For example, an emotionally abusive partner might make it difficult for us to trust other people in the future because of the fear that they'll hurt or take advantage of us.
Trauma or PTSD
Mental health conditions or traumatic events can also contribute to trust issues because they affect how we see ourselves as well as our relationships with others. For example, trust issues may manifest as a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Personality
Certain personality traits might contribute to a general lack of trust in others. As an example, one study found that people who tend to rate higher on the characteristic of neuroticism appear to be less likely to trust others.
Research also suggests that a characteristic known as locus of control can play a role in our ability to trust others. Locus of control is a belief about how much control we have over the events that occur in our lives.
People with a low or external locus of control believe that what happens to them is largely out of their control. Those with a high or internal locus of control tend to believe that their fate is largely in their own hands.
Recap
Not being able to trust people can be linked to a number of factors. Early childhood experiences, social experiences, adult relationships, personality factors, and mental health conditions can all play a role in undermining our trust in others.
Effects of Not Trusting Anyone
When trust is broken, it often becomes harder to put our faith in people in the future. However, trust issues could hurt us in the long run because they prevent us from connecting with others or receiving support when we need it. Not being able to trust can also negatively impact how other people respond to us.
Research has shown that other people are more likely to respond with greater negativity when they know that we don't trust them. In one study, people who knew that others didn't trust them felt more negative emotions, had lower opinions of those who didn't trust them, and were less like to behave in altruistic ways toward those who couldn't trust them.
This can also affect how people are willing to act in social situations. When we don't trust people, we may be less likely to interact with them. The consequence of this is fewer social opportunities, fewer relationships, less social support, and ultimately, fewer chances for other people to earn our trust.
Recap
When we don't trust people, we have a more difficult time forming relationships with others. And when other people sense that we don't trust them, they are often more likely to respond to us in negative ways.
How to Start Trusting People Again
Even if we find it hard to trust people, some strategies may help us learn how to form better relationships and become more trusting in different situations.
Start Small
Look for small ways to trust people. Trust is always a matter of degree. We might trust some people with some things but not with others.
A good way to become more trusting is to push ourselves to trust other people in small doses until we can trust something more significant. Once someone proves themselves capable of earning our trust when it comes to the small stuff, we might find ourselves more comfortable depending on them even more.
Stay Positive
Try to be optimistic about others. Start with the belief that there are good people out there. Approaching social situations with an open mind and optimistic mindset may help reduce the distrust of people in general.
Trust Carefully
Trusting too easily can wind up in disappointment. Start by learning to trust people to the degree that the situation calls for. In many cases, this might involve a more superficial trust based on a mutually agreed-upon set of expectations.
We might trust our mechanic to fix our car, for instance, and they trust us to pay them for the work they have done. In other cases, the person in our lives may have to prove themselves dependable, honest, and worthy of our trust.
Using caution and varying our level of trust depending on the closeness of the relationship is a good practice.
Talk to a Therapist
If a lack of trust in people affects the ability to function normally or causes distress, consider talking to a mental health professional. Several different therapy approaches can help uncover and replace underlying negative thoughts that might be affecting the ability to trust.
A therapist can also help individuals practice social situations and develop new coping skills that may be helpful when it comes to learning how to trust people. The therapeutic relationship with a therapist can also be an excellent opportunity to learn and practice trusting another person.
Recap
Learning to trust people again can take some time. Starting small, maintaining an optimistic mindset, and talking to a mental health professional are all strategies that can be helpful.
Summary
Feeling like we can't trust anyone can hurt our ability to form relationships, get help when we need it, and participate fully in our community. While it is normal for our trust levels to vary depending on our social experiences, a significant lack of trust might be a sign of a more serious problem.
If a lack of trust is causing issues, talk to a therapist about taking steps to begin relying on people more. Rebuilding trust in others may take time. It also requires a certain degree of vulnerability. But learning to trust can make it easier to connect with others, form strong relationships, and create a solid social support system.
How to Find a Therapist
