Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine called to ask for my opinion. Her boyfriend had done the unthinkable and she knew the right thing to do was to leave him. At the same time, she knew she’d miss him.
While I absolutely did tell her, “Yes, girl. Leave that man alone.”
I also wanted to remind her that it’s normal to feel hurt in that situation. It’s perfectly reasonable to still miss the man he was before committing the act.
I also wanted to remind her that yes, we both agreed on the right decision to do. But I know that I will be sipping dumb **** juice on the occasion. I’ve gone back to exes that I shouldn’t have. I don’t want her to feel pressured to leave him alone just because I say so. I know I don’t always listen when my friends say so. She’s a grown woman and can make her own decisions. I’ll remain a good friend by telling her that this man has crossed the line and should go.
When we haven’t had good relationships to look up to, we are at a higher risk of normalizing bad relationship traits. I want to stress the importance of getting out of a bad relationship. I also know without having those relationships to look up to, it can be difficult when deciphering between when to stay and when to walk away.
There are certain things that can poison a relationship such as avoidance, impatience, and betrayals. When facing these poisons, it is important to be open with your partner about your feelings, create a space with compassion, and embrace differences. It is completely normal to feel angry but do not want to walk away. The important thing to know is when it is necessary to walk away. This point may be different for everyone, but there are certain times when it is absolutely necessary to walk away. This includes relationships when there is control, manipulation, disrespect, repeated negative behaviors, physical, verbal, psychological, or emotional abuse.
These are all traits that we should absolutely walk away from. It’s okay to feel confused and hurt, but I don’t want anyone directing that anger in the wrong place. If your partner messed up, then that isn’t a reflection of you. You absolutely CANNOT fix everyone. Anyway, all this to say my friend is a queen. You, readers, are all kings, queens, and all things royal who do not deserve to settle. That is all.
