Why we are still so uncomfortable talking about money (2024)

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Why we are still so uncomfortable talking about money

By Kathleen Davis

No matter whatyour job, you’ve probably wondered at some point what your colleagues or boss makes, and how it compares to your salary. Money is one of the most taboo topics. There is so much emotion and self worth tied up in how much we make. And all of that plays into keeping us from talking about our salaries, sometimes even with those closest to us. In fact, in a recent survey, only about half of people said they share their salary with family members, while just 32% said they’d share their pay details with close friends. But we can’t change what we don’t talk about and keeping mum about salary is what keeps gender pay gaps, racial pay gaps, and executive-to-worker pay gaps thriving. The less we talk about our salaires, the less we know our worth and the less likely we are to be paid fairly. Luckily the tide has been slowly turning in the last few years, with more companies adopting (at least partial) salary transparency policies, and some states and cities have even introduced salary transparency, or at least salary range laws. But we have a long way to go. Two years ago, 27-year-old Hannah Williams, created Salary Transparent Street on TikTok. In the series, she hits the streets of cities all over the country asking people of all different backgrounds what they do and how much money they make. She joined me on the most recent episode of The New Way We Work to talk about how finally make change in salary transparency.

WHO FEELS SAFE ENOUGH TO SHARE HOW MUCH THEY MAKE

In the two years Williams has been asking strangers how much money they make, she’s noticed some patterns in who is comfortable opening up and who isn’t. She says it often speaks to larger issues about who has the most at-risk. White men are more likely than any other group to be okay sharing how much they make, likely because they don’t feel as vulnerable, she says.

Hearing those figures can be very instructive for women and people of color who often face wage gaps. “I think that it’s really great when men are willing to share, because they’re statistically the highest-paid.” Williams says. “We should be finding out what the highest-paid people are making, so that we can bring everybody else up to a fair rate.”

She’s also noticed that there’s a generational gap in comfort and even familiarity and expectation with pay transparency. “Gen Z and millennials—younger generations … really expect pay transparency. It’s what they expect to see in a job posting. And if it’s not there, they won’t even bother applying.”

WHO SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR PAY TRANSPARENCY?

While Williams’ series focuses on employees sharing their salaries, she firmly believes that the onus for pay transparency should be on companies. It is their “responsibility to pay people ethically—that should not lie with the employees, it should lie with employers.” she says. “If we had a transparent system to begin with all around, there wouldn’t be infighting or this risk. It really demonstrates that private institutions in particular utilize pay secrecy to hold power over their employees. And it’s wrong.”

That’s why Williams is a proponent of pay transparency laws. She points out the slow progress that’s been made with 15 states having pay transparency bills currently in the works. She acknowledges that many don’t go far enough or aren’t as effective as they should be. (Think: job listings with pay ranges that vary by a hundred thousand dollars or more.) But, she says, passing some form of legislation is the first step. “If we can get that passed, then that is a win for all workers, and there’s a reason that amendments and revisions exist.”

In the end, she says pay transparency is a positive for companies, too. “It helps their bottom line and employee morale. So it’s great to see that. I think we have a lot of work to do.” For more on pay transparency, including what job platforms are doing, how it can be used as a retention and recruiting tool, resources for employees, and more, listen to the full episode.

You can listen and subscribe to The New Way We Work on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, RadioPublic, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Why we are still so uncomfortable talking about money (7)

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Why we are still so uncomfortable talking about money (2024)

FAQs

Why we are still so uncomfortable talking about money? ›

There is so much emotion and self worth tied up in how much we make. And all of that plays into keeping us from talking about our salaries, sometimes even with those closest to us.

Why do people feel uncomfortable talking about money? ›

When it comes to talking about money, most people would do just about anything to avoid the topic because it brings up so much fear and anxiety, especially in women. We are so afraid to discuss our finances, ask for a raise, or deal with our overwhelming debt that just the thought of it just makes us want to puke.

Why are people reluctant to talk about money? ›

Privacy, not wanting others to know how much or how little they have and feeling judged were top reasons people cited holding them back from talking about their money.

Why is it so hard for me to talk about money? ›

It comes down to social comparison: “We assume that those who have a nice house, nice car, nice yard, nice whatever must know how to use money,” Ricupero says. And then we feel foolish that we don't have it all figured out, too.

Why don t people like to talk about how much money they make? ›

Discussing money matters can lead to comparisons in terms of income, savings, and spending habits, which can make some folks feel embarrassed or inadequate. But as with nearly every important, social topic, when we bring misunderstanding, fear, or ignorance into the light then progress happens.

How do I get comfortable talking about money? ›

Although it might feel uncomfortable to start talking about money, talking through your financial well-being little and often is better than keeping it bottled up. You could have a monthly check-in with a family member or a weekly coffee catch-up with a friend.

Why am I afraid to talk about money? ›

For many people, their fear of money dates back to their childhood and the messages they received about money. Perhaps you had traumatizing experiences with money as a child, or you watched your parents struggle with money issues, or you were affected by their money beliefs.

Why does nobody talk about money? ›

Sherman told me that “people often just feel bad about how much money they have,” so “not talking about it makes that feeling of badness go away.” In interviews with wealthy New Yorkers for her book Uneasy Street: The Anxieties of Affluence, she heard people say that they kept financial details private to spare their ...

Why are people secretive about money? ›

Bankrate also found that sometimes people hide money because they want to save it and are worried their spouse or partner will spend it.

Why is it taboo to talk about money? ›

Discussing financial matters can make people feel embarrassed particularly if they perceive themselves to be in a less favourable financial position compared to others. In truth, talking about money makes people feel awkward. Society has perpetuated the notion that it is rude to discuss money.

Who is the best person to talk to about money? ›

Consider financial counseling.

Financial counselors specialize in helping people with low incomes get their finances in order. These counselors are Certified Financial Planners who partner with nonprofits and other organizations to offer their services free of charge.

Why do I feel so bad about money? ›

When it comes to our money, many different things can trigger feelings of guilt. That might be not having enough money, spending more money than you think you should, or even having plenty of money in the bank when other people don't. Guilt comes up when we believe we've gone against our values.

Why you should never worry about money? ›

Impact on mental health: Money anxiety can severely impact mental health. It's often linked to depression, anxiety disorders, and high levels of stress. The constant worry can erode your sense of wellbeing and lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Why are people uncomfortable talking about money? ›

According to Brad Klontz, CFP, founder of the Financial Psychology Institute, on a blog by Northwestern Mutual, people may be disinclined to talk about money because they feel vigilant and protective over their social status. “Money is very tightly linked to our status,” Klontz said.

Why shouldn't we talk about money? ›

It's taboo: It's considered socially unacceptable to talk about money. If you're well-off, you'll be perceived as boastful. If you're broke, people will think you're begging. Nobody wants to hear either.

Why not to tell people how much money you have? ›

"Never tell anyone how much money you have. Only two things will happen — they will either try to take it from you or size you up by it — either way, you lose."

What is money dysmorphia? ›

Money dysmorphia is what happens when your relationship with money has turned a little sour. It's a phrase the internet has invented to describe having a warped sense or understanding of your own finances — which then, in turn, leads to irrational, vibes-based decision-making.

What is the emotional reaction when talking about money? ›

Guilty? Fear, shame, anxiety and guilt are common emotional reactions to money problems, while payday might bring excitement and happiness. Once you start to think about it there are heaps of emotions that come up when you start thinking or talking about money.

Why am I always anxious about money? ›

There are many potential causes of financial anxiety, though they are typically related to existing money troubles or a history of uncertainty around finances. This can include: Growing up in poverty, or in a household where money was often scarce.

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