Paying The High Costs of Living Alone (2024)

“So this is my new life,” I thought, standing in the open front door, surveying my home and taking in all the change. I set down my bag and took a deep, measured breath.

I’d been out of town on a work trip, and my then-wife had agreed to move out. The entire divorce experience — from start to finish — was difficult and deeply emotional. But we knew this was the first step to moving forward.

My living room was missing pieces of furniture. Our dog was gone (she was my ex’s before we met). The house felt eerily quiet, and seemed to whisper back at me, “So what do we do now?” As a married man, there’d always been so much activity at my home, be it through social gatherings, taking the dog on walks, conversation, or the TV blaring. Now, it was all silence.

And as scary as it was on that first night, I quickly learned to love my life. I could dominate the temperature and send my Floridian house into a deep winter without regard for anyone else’s survival. My thermostat went into overdrive and TECO Electric sent me thank you cards.

I kid — of course, but only partially. It’s worth emphasizing: the freedom was incredible. The lack of negotiating on little things like TV and not needing to tip-toe when someone else was sleeping, shone a bright light on my newfound autonomy. I learned the true value of quiet, with no annoying shows blasting in other rooms while I tried to focus. I spent entire weekends with only a few words being spoken.

I finally took up a writing hobby, which had been elusive by own hand, but finally came into being, leading me to you here on Yahoo.

Then, I began evangelizing the beauty of living alone. And with some degree of joy, I rubbed it in my married friends’ faces, who were buried in toddlers, and celebrating an uninterrupted night of sleep like they’d discovered a rare gem.

But over the coming years — I was reminded of the hidden costs of bachelorhood, and living alone. My monthly bills hit way harder. Splitting on some indulgent purchases was no longer an option. Statistically, it’s around 28% more expensive to live alone than with someone, and I felt it full force.

I also didn’t have anyone to bounce ideas off of. There was nobody to share expertise and team up with on the endless to-do lists and surprise problems.

Even work changed for me. My boss noticed I had more free time than others and sometimes passed extra work my way, which was a wee-bit frustrating. And even when the pass-off wasn’t explicit, I felt pressure to step up when the team was overwhelmed.

Author, Eric Klinenburg, who wrote Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, saw this same additional burden complained of by many employees who lived alone. Bosses and coworkers saw them as an easy target to ask favors of.

But worst of all — the loneliness eventually set in. Mom often called and said, with her characteristic anxiety, “Sean I don’t want you spending the whole weekend alone!” I did my best — but often failed.

I didn’t want to be a lonely old hermit, which I was on the fast track for becoming. There’s a body of research on how loneliness is unhealthy. Living alone, in particular, is correlated to shorter life expectancy — often because of the isolation. We’re intrinsically wired social creatures, and even if your only friend is your spouse, that’s still far better than nothing.

To the solo dwellers seeing this, remember that above point more than anything else in this article. Because it certainly includes many of you. Per one study, the rate of people living alone has increased from 24 to 28% from 2016 to 2023.

One downside that many don’t think of is the social stigma of living alone. In my old house, which I lived in alone for nearly 10 years, neighbors began making weird off-hand comments at get togethers, and asked out-of-context questions about me being alone in the house.

On some level, I got it. I was a solo man living in a house, where every other person in the neighborhood had a spouse or family living with them. But it feels a bit unfair for people to assume you are some type of hoarder or creep just because you are alone.

In my goodbye to one of my neighbors before moving, he went so far as to even comment, “Well, you are a weird guy.” Then, he laughed nervously afterwards, trying to mask his inadvertent honesty as a joke.

It was fine. I knew how he felt anyways. Women face similar, though different stigmas. My female friend, who lives alone, was also inundated with judgement about her being a cat lady or being unable to get a guy. But she’s immune to the takes of people who don’t matter to her life. More power to her.

Living alone can be amazing for the autonomy and freedom it provides, and that freedom can be especially welcome in the aftermath of a bad breakup, which is usually preceded by fighting and tension. The chance to breathe and be on my own was infinitely refreshing in the wake of so much pain.

The thing to take with you

I know that many reading this live alone and live quite happily, and with no intentions of cohabitating anytime soon. My hope is that you consider the downsides of soloing and manage them accordingly. Of those I’ve mentioned, I think only two are of substance.

First, there’s no reason you should be doing extra work in your office because you don’t have kids or a partner at home. Second, I’d recommend staying proactive to manage your social life. The loneliness crept in on me slowly and then all at once, and I had to play catchup on building relationships.

As implied in my cover photo with my partner, I eventually met someone and began living with her. I did give up some of the named benefits of living alone, but realized many of the perks can be preserved.

My best advice if you leave your life of solitude: manage expectations and invest in more square footage if your home is small. Ideally, have your own bathrooms, and a guest room one person can sneak off to if one of you is snoring (I’m the offender here). Fans and warm clothing help us offset temperature differences. And headphones allow us to watch shows quietly when things get too loud.

And to you solo dwellers, live long and prosper. Protect those friendships. Ignore the judgmental neighbors. And push back on those who think you are a spare work camel. Just because you live alone doesn’t mean you don’t have better things to do too.