What Is Passive Aggression and Why Does It Happen? | Groundwork Therapy (2024)

Passive aggression is a type of behavior that can be difficult to understand and deal with. It is a way of expressing anger or frustration through indirect means. People who develop this type of behavior may not be able to express their feelings directly or they may feel that expressing their emotions is too risky. In turn, this leads them to express their anger in indirect ways, such as sarcasm, criticism, and avoiding responsibilities. Let's explore more about passive aggression and why it occurs.

Topics

1. Definition of Passive Aggression

2. Causes of Passive Aggression

3. Signs That Someone Is Being Passive Aggressive

4. How to Deal With Passive Aggression in Relationships

Passive-Aggression

Def: Passive aggression is a type of behavior in which people express their anger and frustration indirectly instead of openly addressing it. It can include actions such as subtle insults, sarcasm, procrastination, or avoiding certain tasks that the passive-aggressive person finds unpleasant. People who exhibit this behavior may be afraid of confrontation or conflict, so they will instead express their feelings through passive-aggressive behaviors.

Causes of Passive Aggression

There are many possible causes of passive aggression, such as fear of conflict, difficulty expressing emotions, low self-esteem and a lack of assertiveness. People who tend to be more introverted may also struggle with expressing their needs or wants directly. Stressful circ*mstances, such as a challenging job or a strained relationship, may also trigger passive-aggressive behavior.

Common causes of passive aggression include:

Fear of conflict:

People may be afraid of how the other person will react if they express themselves openly.

Difficulty expressing emotions: Some people may find it difficult to express anger or frustration, so they resort to passive aggression as a way of venting their feelings.

Low self-esteem:

Those who have low self-esteem often struggle with expressing their needs and wants, so they resort to passive aggression as a way of getting what they want.

Stressful circ*mstances:

Challenging situations, such as a difficult job or a strained relationship, may trigger passive-aggressive behavior from someone who is already at risk for this type of behavior.

Signs That Someone Is Being Passive Aggressive

Passively aggressive behavior can be difficult to recognize, as it often masks criticism or annoyance in the form of passive comments. Signs of passive aggression may include items being moved without explanation, people acting uncooperative or not speaking up when asked a direct question, and attempts at sarcasm. It’s important to understand that routinely observing these behaviors does not indicate someone is exhibiting passive-aggressive tendencies, but if two or more are occurring on an ongoing basis, then it’s likely suggesting some underlying issues.

To help you identify these signs more easily, here are a few common examples of passively aggressive behavior: withholding affection in order to get your way; manipulating conversations by asking questions that make it look like you're interested while expecting a negative response; and trying to belittle another person with backhanded compliments.

How to Deal With Passive Aggression in Relationships

Passive aggressiveness in relationships is a common issue and can impact how we interact with our partners. This type of behavior often comes from feelings of insecurity or powerlessness, which lead to subtle but damaging reactions. It’s important to remember that the person behaving passive aggressively is not automatically a bad person, they are just responding to their environment in the only way they know how. The best way to combat passive aggression is through healthy communication. Here are a few tips to follow:

1. Talk it out: It’s important to openly discuss the issue with your partner and try to come up with solutions that work for both of you.

2. Avoid criticism: Passive aggression is often triggered by criticism, so focus on expressing yourself without attacking the other person.

3. Show understanding: Offer your partner empathy and understanding. This will help them feel more valued and may lead to less passive-aggressive behavior in the future.

4. Take a break: If the conversation becomes too heated, take a moment to calm down before continuing.

Final Thoughts

Passive aggression can be a difficult concept to wrap our heads around because it still involves negative behavior, yet is expressed through different means than overt aggression. In many cases, passive-aggressive behavior happens as a result of underlying feelings of anger and resentment which have been suppressed and are expressed in subtle ways. It’s important to remember that it’s not always easy to identify passive-aggressive behavior, as it can be easily masked by politeness. The best way to deal with this type of behavior is through open and honest communication, as well as exercising patience and understanding.

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What Is Passive Aggression and Why Does It Happen? | Groundwork Therapy (2024)

FAQs

What Is Passive Aggression and Why Does It Happen? | Groundwork Therapy? ›

Passive aggression is a type of behavior that can be difficult to understand and deal with. It is a way of expressing anger or frustration through indirect means. People who develop this type of behavior may not be able to express their feelings directly or they may feel that expressing their emotions is too risky.

What is the root cause of passive-aggressive behavior? ›

Passive aggression stems from deep anger, hostility, and frustration that a person, for whatever reason, is not comfortable expressing directly.

What is the meaning of being passive-aggressive? ›

Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them.

How to answer a passive-aggressive text? ›

Use clear, concise language to tell the commenter why what they've said bothers you. It's okay to speak up for yourself. For example, you might say, “I sense that you're upset about something. Can we talk about it?” or “I'm not sure of your intentions with that comment, but I felt hurt when you said that.”

What is the six word phrase to stop passive-aggressive behavior? ›

Eventually, I learned a brilliant, six-word phrase that I now use to help me stop passive aggression dead in its tracks: Attack the problem. Not the person. Why is this phrase so effective?

What childhood trauma causes passive-aggressive behavior? ›

Unprocessed, walled-off, fomenting anger has a way of finding its way to the surface. This is what puts those who grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect(CEN) at greater risk than others for behaving passive aggressively.

What mental illness causes passive-aggressive behavior? ›

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

There are different types of narcissism, and the one that's commonly linked to passive-aggressive behavior is covert narcissism. Covert narcissists have typical NPD symptoms, but it may be less outwardly obvious that they are narcissists.

What do passive aggressives want? ›

To compensate for one's inability to speak directly and solve problems assertively, a passive-aggressive individual may resort to covert means of manipulation, domination, and control in order to gain leverage. In a twisted way, one feels more powerful by agitating, frustrating, disappointing, and/or failing others.

How does a passive-aggressive person act? ›

Here are some red flags that indicate if someone is being passive-aggressive: Resenting or opposing others' instructions outright, though they may still do what they're told. Delaying a task that someone else requested or making intentional mistakes. Having a sarcastic or argumentative attitude.

What annoys a passive-aggressive person? ›

13 Ways to Annoy a Passive-Aggressive Person
  • 1 Stay calm without getting defensive.
  • 2 Ask them what their comment means.
  • 3 Set clear boundaries with them.
  • 4 Hold them accountable.
  • 5 Praise their positive behavior.
  • 6 Don't stoop down to their level.
  • 7 Be emotionally guarded around them.

How to politely tell someone they are being passive-aggressive? ›

When dealing with passive-aggressiveness, stay calm and do three things:
  1. Approach the person in a private setting where you'll both feel comfortable speaking frankly.
  2. Check your body language and vocal tone. If you feel stiff and defensive, try to relax. ...
  3. Finally, ask, "Can you tell me what's bothering you?"
Dec 24, 2023

How to fix passive-aggressive behavior? ›

How to Stop Your Passive Aggressive Behavior
  1. Recognize your behavior. ...
  2. Understand why your behavior should be changed. ...
  3. Give yourself time. ...
  4. Realize it's OK to be angry. ...
  5. Be assertive, not aggressive. ...
  6. Be open to confrontation. ...
  7. Believe in Yourself.
Sep 6, 2018

What is a nicer word for passive-aggressive? ›

Some potential synonyms for this kind of behavior are negativistic, apathetic, petulant, or snide.

What is an example of passive aggressiveness? ›

Examples of passive-aggressive behavior include the use of silence, avoidance, sarcasm, and weaponized kindness. Understanding why people behave passive-aggressively may help with defusing the behavior.

What personality type is passive-aggressive? ›

Passive–aggressive personality disorder, also called negativistic personality disorder, is characterized by procrastination, covert obstructionism, inefficiency, and stubbornness. The DSM-5 no longer uses this phrase or label, and it is not one of the ten listed specific personality disorders.

What is the most common type of passive aggressiveness? ›

Subtle digs or negative comments are a common form of passive aggression. For example, a person might comment on a topic they know makes another person uncomfortable, such as their dating life or weight. They might also use their knowledge about a person's history to subtly hurt them.

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