What to Do Before Marrying: Saver vs. Spender (2024)

You’ve found the one you love and have decided to get married. But while making plans for your shared life, you and your soon-to-be spouse discover that one of you is a spender and the other is a saver. Luckily, there are ways to manage joint finances that will leave both partners happy. Here are some tips to help you successfully navigate your way to financial harmony.

Key Takeaways

  • Spenders and savers who plan to marry should share their feelings about money, as well as how they were raised to view it, prior to their wedding.
  • Be sure to set up a budget together for bills, long-term goals, and emergencies.
  • Having a “mad money” budget line for each partner to spend as they please can satisfy the needs of both a spender (who can splurge on a coveted item) and a saver (who can sock away their share).
  • If you and your spouse can’t agree on a budget, then consult a financial planner, who can develop a plan that works for your relationship.
  • Free financial planning tools are available, too. The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission offers several free online tools.

Talk About Your Feelings Toward Money

Much of our approach to money is emotional: Money may make you feel anxious or excited, and managing it may fill you with calm or dread. Take some time before you get married toexplore together how each of you feels about money and why. Did you grow up in a household where money was tight or where you never had to worry about where it was coming from? Your upbringing may substantially impact your feelings toward money, and your future spouse may not always see things from the same perspective.

If you understand the source of your and your spouse’s points of view regarding money, then you’ll be better able to empathize and communicate compassionately if you disagree on a financial issue.

Discuss How You’d Like to Spend Your Money

One partner may value designer clothes, while the other might have an expensive hobby. You both may love to travel, want to own a home, or retire early.If you and your partner spend time discussing each of your desires, then you two will likely find some overlap. If you plan to save for the things that you want together and spend the savings on an item or experience that you both really value, then you and your partner will walk away from the purchase happy.

In addition to saving and spending for fun activities, it’s imperative that you and your partnerdevise a budget together. The keyword here is together: It is a negotiation, and if both partners sign-on, then you will have a solid plan for discretionary spending and how much to save for long-term financial goals, such as retirement.

You can reassess the plan later if it isn’t working, but having an initial budget provides each partner with acceptable guidelines to build upon. Rather than wondering if you should buy the $50 jeans or splurge for the $150 pair, for example, you will know what’s within your budget and head off a disagreement over your spending.

Many couples—especially those who marry or move in together later in life—set up a joint bank account for household and common expenses but also maintain their own personal checking accounts. These accounts can be the ideal place for each partner to keep their “mad money” to use for discretionary expenditures.

Budget for Unrestricted Spending

Consider adding a “mad money” line to your list of expenses. Pay your bills, save for emergencies and long-term goals as agreed upon, then give each of you a set amount of money to spend on whatever you wish. If you want new running shoes or the very best headphones, then go ahead and buy them with your share of the “mad money,” not with the household money or out of your emergency fund.

The spender will have the freedom to buy whatever they want, and the saver can stash or invest their funds and won’t have to worry about not having enough set aside for a rainy day.

Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Professional Help

Whatever you do, don’t lie to your significant other about your spending or try to hide anything. If you feel that you can’t be honest about money with your spouse, then that means you haven’t come up with a plan that works for you as a couple.

If you’re having trouble agreeing on a budget or a plan, then visit a financial planner together for assistance in creating a budget that will work for your relationship. Financial planners are not emotionally invested in your finances and will be able to help you decide whether, say, that beach vacation is affordable or a splurge that you should pass on this year.

According to a 2021 survey, only 30% of Americans have a paid financial advisor. If you are part of the 70% of those who don't have one or cannot afford one, there are free options available. Your bank or credit union may offer free financial consultations. Unions or employers may offer a free visit with a financial planner as part of your benefits package, and organizations like the Financial Planners Association may offer pro-bono services to those who qualify for the services.

What If My Spouse Overspends?

If your spouse is spending more than your household can afford, you may benefit from talking to a financial advisor to help you make a budget you can both agree on. There are also free financial planning tools available online, and some banks and credit unions may offer free financial counseling.

Can a Saver and a Spender Stay Married?

Yes. Of course, a saver and a spender can stay married. All couples can benefit from having honest conversations about money, setting up expectations about spending and saving as a couple, and making an agreed-upon household budget. For some, each having their own bank accounts as well as a joint account can help.

How Much Is a Financial Planner?

Financial advisors don't all charge the same amount of money for their time. There are fee-based financial advisors, financial advisors who charge by the hour, and those who offer their services for free or for a low fee for certain individuals. If you are meeting a financial advisor for one meeting, they may charge a flat, one-time fee of $1,000 and up, but most financial services are costly.

The Bottom Line

Savers and spenders can have successful lives together, as long as both individuals have agreed to a plan and a budget and can stick to it. If one plan does not work for the two of you, try another. If you can't afford a fee-based financial advisor, don't worry.

Free online tools and pro-bono financial planners can help you make a budget and economic roadmap for your partnership. Financial planning is meant to make life easier, and having one may mean fewer arguments about money.

What to Do Before Marrying: Saver vs. Spender (2024)

FAQs

What to Do Before Marrying: Saver vs. Spender? ›

Be sure to set up a budget together for bills, long-term goals, and emergencies. Having a “mad money” budget line for each partner to spend as they please can satisfy the needs of both a spender (who can splurge on a coveted item) and a saver (who can sock away their share).

Is it better to be a spender or a saver? ›

Interestingly, spenders were also happier with their financial life than savers (73% and 56%, respectively). But savers might have the upper hand when it comes to managing their money — only 29% of their total annual income is used on miscellaneous purchases, while spenders are using up 38% of their income.

How much should I have in savings before getting married? ›

Try to save at least three months' worth of expenses if you can't manage six, but after you're engaged, make sure you're working your way up to six to nine months.

How to save money when your spouse is a spender? ›

Effective communication and collaboration is key

Make sure to have frequent discussions about your finances and remain open-minded; try not to insist that your partner do things your way. Set goals together and make a few of your own. Make agreements—they add weight to your intentions and keep you on track.

Should you get married before being financially stable? ›

In support of this idea, a national survey revealed that around 3 in 4 young adults agree that delaying marriage provides more time to get one's personal finances in order. This evidence is coupled with other findings like 91% of young adults believe that financial independence is a necessary prerequisite to marriage.

Can spenders and savers stay married? ›

Savers and spenders can have successful lives together, as long as both individuals have agreed to a plan and a budget and can stick to it. If one plan does not work for the two of you, try another.

How do I become a saver instead of a spender? ›

Changing your spending habits can be as simple as making a small, realistic savings plan each week or month. You don't have to go big either — setting aside just $20 or $50 a month can be a great starting goal. What's important is to get into the habit of saving even a small amount and increasing it over time.

How much should a 30 year old couple have in savings? ›

If you're looking for a ballpark figure, Taylor Kovar, certified financial planner and CEO of Kovar Wealth Management says, “By age 30, a good rule of thumb is to aim to have saved the equivalent of your annual salary. Let's say you're earning $50,000 a year. By 30, it would be beneficial to have $50,000 saved.

Is $30,000 too much for a wedding? ›

In a 2022 survey of 12,000 couples across the country, The Knot found the national average for a wedding is $30,000.

Is it better financially to get married or stay single? ›

There are a number of financial benefits to marriage, ranging from lower insurance costs to higher mortgage eligibility. The marriage benefits are particularly pronounced for people who have widely different incomes.

How do I protect myself financially from my wife? ›

How Do I Protect Myself Financially From My Spouse During a...
  1. Create a Financial Plan for Your Divorce. ...
  2. Open Your Own Bank Account. ...
  3. Separate Your Debt. ...
  4. Monitor Your Credit Score. ...
  5. Take an Inventory of Your Assets. ...
  6. Review Your Retirement Accounts. ...
  7. Consider Mediation Before Litigation. ...
  8. Popular Family Law Articles.
Aug 9, 2023

How should money be split in a marriage? ›

'Seriously consider' splitting bills by income

Couples should list all the household expenses, including fixed costs and an average for the variable costs, then split those costs according to income and deposit their allotted amounts monthly in a joint account, said Curtis.

How should unmarried couples handle finances? ›

Your business side may tell you to keep money separate but because you're in love, you may want joint accounts, says Kessler. Instead of joint accounts, he suggests each person have accounts at the same bank to make transferring money between accounts easy.

Do you inherit your spouse's debt when you get married? ›

No, you don't. Any debts either spouse had before marriage remain their own responsibility, with one notable exception. If you cosign a loan for your significant other or open a joint account on a credit card before you officially tie the knot, you're both responsible for the debt after your marriage date.

At what age should you be financially stable? ›

At what age should you be financially stable? Financial stability is more about maintaining control over your finances rather than hitting numbers at a specific age. However, aiming to attain stability by your late 20s to early 30s can be beneficial, allowing time for savings, debt reduction and investments.

What is the best way to do finances when married? ›

There are three common approaches when it comes to financial planning as a couple:
  1. Merge everything together and share all income and expenses. ...
  2. Create a joint account for shared expenses, while also maintaining separate accounts. ...
  3. Keep everything separate and split the bills.
Aug 17, 2023

Which is better saving or spending? ›

Spending on things is more enjoyable than sacrificing to save. Don't you want a good life? In order to have a good life, you have to have a certain amount of wealth.

Should you save more than you spend? ›

At least 20% of your income should go towards savings. Meanwhile, another 50% (maximum) should go toward necessities, while 30% goes toward discretionary items. This is called the 50/30/20 rule of thumb, and it provides a quick and easy way for you to budget your money.

Is it better to save money or enjoy it? ›

While it's important to start saving money, it's also important to take the time to enjoy it. You did work hard for it, after all. Finding this balance is something people have always struggled with, and why it's important to realize that there are ways to manage your finances so that you don't have to choose.

Is spending or saving best for the economy? ›

Personal savings are not just crucial for an individual's financial well-being; at the national level, when the rate of personal savings is high, economic recovery tends to be faster.

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