Why you need a weekly marriage meeting.
Influence Coaching promotes success for leaders BOTH at work and home. How? By improving your energy, relationships, and effectiveness. The marriage meeting is a communication tool for promoting success at home. It will help you communicate with your spouse and help you run your household as a team.
Remember that to move from conflict to collaboration, you have to clarify two things. First, clarify “here’s what I need from you,” and second, “what do you need from me?” The marriage meeting will help you do that on a weekly basis.
This weekly conversation is equal to routine maintenance on your car engine. The marriage meeting is a way of “checking the oil” to make sure that your engine doesn’t burnout!
How the weekly marriage meeting works
The weekly marriage meeting has four parts. Each part moves back and forth between “positive” stuff (like appreciation and planning for fun) and the “work” required to make a household run well. Try to cover all these items in 30-45 minutes or less. That way you are more likely to make this a regular part of your week. My wife and I have found it to be a helpful regular practice. Since item number four on this list (“problems and challenges”) can sometimes feel negative, try ending on a positive note. Ask your spouse, “What part of this conversation was most helpful today?” Or, end the meeting by asking “How can I pray for you this week?”
Appreciation. Start by telling your spouse something specific that you appreciate about them. Here’s a great place to be thankful for even the “small stuff.” Appreciation helps frame the meeting in a positive way. It also demonstrates that your intent here is to work as a team.
Chores (To-Do’s and Finances). Now we get to the “business” part of the meeting. Address upcoming calendar issues. List things that need maintenance. Where are you at with your spending and financial goals? Be sure to share the weekly/monthly totals with each other. Make sure you end this time with clarity on WHO is going to do WHAT and WHEN.
Plan for Good Times. Remember, you aren’t “business partners.” You are “life partners.” And, life is about more than just work! Plan for date nights, vacations, and other fun stuff. Remember that "rest and recharge” helps beat burnout. This part of the meeting helps make "rest and recharge" happen. It helps you plug activities that recharge you into your calendar.
Problems and Challenges. This space is a “catch all” to address any unresolved concerns. Pro-tip. Don’t spend more than 10 minutes on problems and challenges. Since you have these meetings weekly, you can be laser focused on the most pressing concerns. Then move to more strategic issues if there is extra time and emotional energy.
On a side note, I’ve recently found this calendar helpful for organizing our marriage meetings. It lays out the plan for the week where everyone can see it.
For More Information
Art of Manliness Podcast. Episode#611. How a Weekly Marriage Meeting Can Strengthen Your Relationship.
Berger, N. M. (2014). Marriage meetings for lasting love: 30 minutes a week to the relationship you’ve always wanted. New World Library.
