When you begin dating someone new, you're likely evaluating the little details—such as values, attraction, personality, and hobbies—to determine if you and your love interest are compatible. But, there's one factor you may not have taken into consideration that's worth giving a little thought: your age gap. While it's true that an age difference of 10 years or more can increase your chances of having marital problems, is there an ideal age gap that'll set a relationship up for success? As it turns out, science tells us that the answer is yes, and the number is a lot smaller than you might have imagined.
That said, there's no exact recipe for a successful relationship, and the best things in life don't come without putting in a little work—love is no exception. A happy, healthy union is dictated by the people in it, and there are many factors that contribute to its long-term success. That's why we put together this simple guide to explain the ideal age gap for those who are dating and searching for a long-term relationship, while also sharing why you shouldn't let it scare you. Read on for more.
Meet the Expert
Theresa E. DiDonato, Ph.D.is a social psychologist and associate professor at Loyola University Maryland. Her research interests focus on different aspects of romantic relationships, from factors that contribute to romantic attraction (e.g. humor) and relationship satisfaction (e.g. forgiveness) to how the self-concept changes in relationship participation or dissolution.
The Ideal Age Gap for Relationships
According to a study in the Journal of Population Economics, marital satisfaction decreases more significantly in couples with a larger age difference compared to those with similar ages. More specifically, couples with a zero to three-year age gap showed greater satisfaction than those with a four- to six-year gap. Likewise, couples with a four- to six-year gap showed greater satisfaction than those with a seven-plus year gap.
In general, marital satisfaction decreased as the age difference increased. One theory, which is supported by evidence provided in the study, is that differently aged couplesare less resilient to negative shocks in the relationship, including both economic hardship and illness. Although not specifically tested for, other life cycle-related factors, including children and retirement, were mentioned.
It's also worth noting that, on average, both men and women showed greater levels of marital satisfaction when married to younger partners than those who have older spouses, regardless of the age gap. However, that initial higher satisfaction seemed to dissipate after six to 10 years of marriage.
Do Age Gaps Really Matter?
While age gaps have the ability to impact the longevity and satisfaction of a relationship, it isn't the sole determining factor of whether or not a union will be successful. As with all things in life, there's no golden rule to follow when it comes to relationships, and the above statistics only try to identify and analyze relationship patterns, not create them. Studies like these simply lend legitimacy to the idea that the age difference in relationships can also equate to significant differences in interests, lifestyle, and long-term goals between partners.
If you find that you have a strong connection with someone who is 10 years older than you, don't let statistics deter you from building upon that bond and building a life together. But, if you're having problems connecting with someone you're dating and you have a considerable age difference, you might want to examine if that will impact your long-term potential.
What to Ask Before Committing to a Relationship With a Large Age Gap
If you've found someone you really click with, it's understandable that you'd be hesitant to break things off simply because of the difference in your age. After all, maturity is relative and can be measured in more than just years.
So before you make any major decisions, you and the person you're dating should answer these questions to ensure you're both on the same page in as many ways as possible.
- What goals do you have for your life? Think about your future goals and what you envision for your life. Things like careers, children, finances, and other major life events are worth having an honest conversation about.
- What common interests do you share? These will become even more important as you grow older together. Develop your shared hobbies and interests, as they can strengthen your connection when an age gap may create distance.
- Do your values and morals match up? This may seem like an obvious one, but dig deeper than just general good nature. Tackle touchy subjects that could lead to conflict in the future, like politics and religion.
- Are you willing to compromise? An important aspect of any healthy relationship is the ability to compromise, but even more so when your partner is in a different stage of life than you are.
- Are you resilient to outside opinions? As social psychologist Theresa DiDonato points out, "Research suggests that age-gap couples should be prepared to encounter negative bias." So if you're someone who is more sensitive to unsolicited opinions, be ready to field questions and comments that you may find annoying or downright rude.
Ultimately, like with any healthy relationship, being open and honest with each other is the best way to prepare for future discord. Focus on ways to prevent the difference in your ages from creating a divide between you, and recognize that you may be at different stages of your life at any given time, and that's okay. Mutual respect and open communication will go a long way in bridging any gap.
Are You Ready to Have a Serious Relationship?
